Entitlement Issues?

 

You have entitlement issues ... if :

1. Aawayin mo ang parents mo ... tapos kunyari lalayas ka ...at ine-expect mo na hahabolin ka ng parents mo at pigilan na huwag kang umalis.

2. Feeling entitled ka ... na everytime may kaaway ka ... kahit alam mong mali ka ... sa tingin mo tama ka pa rin.

3. Feeling entitled ka ... kung everytime na may kaaway ka ... ikaw ang inaalo at sila ang sumusuko at nakipagsundo.

4. Feeling entitled ka ... kung kaya mong baluktotin ang katotohanan at kaya mong sumira at maglubid ng kwento against your family para maiwasan mong ikaw ang mapagusapan.

5. Feeling entitled ka ... that despite the problems you have created ... pakiramdam mo obligasyon ng pamilya mo ang sumalo sa iyo.

6. Feeling entitled ka ... kung sa tingin mo libre lang palipat-lipat at papalit-palit ng tirahan assuming na welcome ka sa paglipat mo at feeling free board and lodging ka pa.

7. Feeling entitled ka ... kung sa paglipat mo ... hihimurin mo ang tumbong ng nilipatan mo ... sabay sira doon sa mga kumokontra.

8. Feeling entitled ka ... kung ang tingin mo LIBRE ang lahat ... without even thinking kung ano ang mai-ambag mo.

9. Feeling entitled ka ... kung ayaw mong harapin ang mga problema mo na sadyang ginawa mo para magkaproblema ka.

10. Feeling entitled ka ... kung kaya mong pumasok sa problema ... and let your family solve the problem for you.

Questions About Entitlement

1, What is entitlement?

The entitlement mentality is defined as a sense of deservingness or being owed a favor when little or nothing has been done to deserve special treatment. It's the “you owe me” attitude. Entitlement is a narcissistic personality trait. 

2. How does an entitled person act?

Demanding special treatment, expecting other people to do things for them, not showing gratitude, and needing constant admiration are a few characteristics of people with a sense of entitlement. Such behavior can stem from upbringing or personality disorders and can be devastating for relationships.

3. What causes people to feel entitled?

In some cases, after experiencing maltreatment, unfairness or neglect, some people develop an entitled attitude. For example, a child who is deprived of love and affection may grow up to demand it from others because they did not receive it at a young age.

5. How do you stop being entitled?

1. The golden rule. Practice treating others as you would like to be treated. ...
2. Recognize that not all situations are unfair. If you're in an unfair situation, pause for a minute and think about the greater good. ...
3. Respect. 
4. ‌Learn from your mistakes.

4. How do you shut down an entitled person?

1. Avoid them, if and when possible. Engaging with selfish people usually leads to negative results. ...
2. Set clear boundaries. Call them out when their behavior becomes too much. ...
3. Educate them on the risks they face. Selfishness has many negative impacts you can bring up.

Questions About Entitlement

Remember the last time we posted notes about entitlement and entitled people? More reactions surfaced, and some of these inquiries we felt were important and had valid points. We can't just ignore it and lay it to rest.  It would be a big disservice if those important questions fell on deaf ears. Here is one of them.

Question: You said entitled people are narcissistic and the "me" in them makes self-importance be fed and watered. How do you discuss things with a person with entitlement issues?

Answer: They always try to win an argument because they believe they are always right.

They get offended, when somebody has a differing opinion ... or an opposing position. Some of them may tell you you are a bad person for not agreeing with them. So the next time there will be a discussion at hand, they will disagree and argue with you ... just for the sake of disagreeing or arguing. If there is another person with the same entitlement mentality, they will tag-team or roast you in tandem. At times they will go out of bounds when they sense they are losing the argument ... they start getting personal with you and may call you names.

Keep in mind that when you are in a disagreement - remind them to keep it to the “topic” and not to make it about you personally ... or make personal attacks. It helps keep the conversation focused, and it also helps to preserve the discussion as the problem your group has surely needs solutions ... after a thorough debate.

How do I win an argument with an entitled person who will never admit that he is wrong? Or better still how does an entitled person lose?

I tell you ... don't you ever go that road? Do you think it is worth your time and your energy? Ignore the possibility of having a debate with them. As we said at the start ... they are there to WIN ... come hell or high water ... so what the heck?

Entitled people are hard to deal with. Entitled people have high expectations and if their anticipation that their idea will reign supreme at the end of the discussion ... if it goes the other way ... it can deflate their self-balloons leading to disappointment and psychological distress. Entitled individuals' perceptions of another person voicing out a different opinion make them believe they are being treated unfairly. And having difficulty maintaining positive relationships with other people ... his losing the debate is a preview of more bad behaviors waiting in the wings.

No Gratitude ... No Apologies

 

Question: Why is it hard for entitled people to say "Thank You. " And why can't they apologize?

Answer: A person with a heightened entitlement attitude does not include in their vocabulary the words Thank you and I am sorry. They are too drunk and high that all the free stuff given to them ... doesn't have value ... in their estimate... and they are not grateful because they feel they are entitled to receive it no matter what. Who says thank you for something that is free ... And who says thank you for services rendered ... when it is rightfully theirs in the first place?

They don't appreciate the little things you gave them - money, possessions, services because they believe it is their right to have everything. Para silang mga hari at reyna na pinagsilbihan ... kung pwede na lang pati paliligo nila gagawin mo pa.While everybody wakes up early in the morning to go to work ... you see them waking up late ... bukod silang pinagpala.

Entitled individuals are basically selfish through and through. So what the hell ... that you are expecting them to be grateful when you know in your heart they are selfish?  And are you kidding me when you expect them to say "I am sorry" when they don't have remorse or guilt? 

Find me a selfish person who lavishly communicates gratitude or "utang na loob" when you give something to them. Find me a selfish person who apologizes and asks for forgiveness when they did something awful. What I know is that selfish people keep their Thank You and I'm sorry to themselves because they have enough of the good stuff and they want more coming. What happens if they say Thank You and the respondent says: "You're not welcome!" And what happens when they say" I apologize ... and the answer is "Apology not accepted." Being grateful and apologetic is antithetical to their being self-important.  See what I mean?

Entitled individuals do not show gratitude because of their excessive sense of self-importance.  Hari ka na nga ... magpapasalamat ka pa? Di ba parang ibinaba mo pa ang sarili mo? May korona ka na ... magso-sorry ka pa? Hindi bagay!

Other reasons why it is hard for entitled people to show appreciation and remorse are arrogance, vanity, and their unquenchable thirst for admiration and approval. Self-entitled people pooh-poohed the idea of open & honest communication and relationship of reciprocity. The kind of relationship they want is take and take and never give. They anticipate you will give them "special favors" for free ... and they forget to remember ... to return the favor ... and to pay back. 

So in retrospect ... what is the psychology of lack of gratitude or lack of remorse? 

A study made by one university in America showed ungrateful people are more dependent and less autonomous than those who easily show gratitude or remorse.  One thing is consistent ... they can't survive on their own. They are also the very same people who can't face the harsh reality and have problems with self-acceptance that they need others to make them safe and secure.

Definition

Entitlement is... a belief that the person deserves something he did not sweat or struggle for. It is a belief that a person has a right to claim whatever he thinks he needs at the moment - be it money, or fame. power and position. Para siyang anak ng hari na kailangan kung ano ang gusto niya ay siyang masusunod. Gusto niya manood ng concert ... feeling niya he deserved the best seat. Papasok siya sa restaurant ... huwag kang tatanga-tanga ... because she believes she deserve the best service.  

Sila yong mga taong pinag-aral mo na ... they don't make it an opportunity to fine-tune their potentials.  OO nga naman bakit ka naman magsunog ng kilay para makuha mo ay good grades ... yong pasang awa pwede na. Deserve nila ang hindi stressful na pagaaral ... kaya to hell with graduating with honors. Entitled ako sa kung ano ang gusto ko. Ang importante ay ako.

Papasok siya sa school ... gusto niya maka-avail ng magandang allowance ... kung wala kang pera ... problema mo na iyon basta hindi niya deserve ang magutom. Bibigyan mo ng pambayad sa tuition fee ... no question ask ... at wala siyang remorse ha ... gagastosin niya ang pera to anything he has fancy on.  Magalit na kung magalit ang dapat magalit.

Sa trabaho naman feeling entitled ka ... kung nagde-demand ka ng ganito at ganire. Kung bukang-bibig sa iyo ang mga free health care, enormous pension, paid holidays and unlimited sick time na mga hinaing ...  nakakarindi ka na. Nakukulitan na sa iyo ang big bosses mo at yong pinagaasta mo is almost bordering on delusions of grandeur peppered with delusions of persecution.

Yong mga pumapasok sa bisyo ... halimbawa sila ng mga taong feeling ENTITLED that they can do anything they want under the sun.  Kung kailangan nilang magwala ... RIGHT nila yon because that made them feel powerful. Kung kailangan maging lasenggo sila or mag-druga ... PRIVILEGE nila yon kasi DESERVE din naman nila ang maging happy.  Kung kailangan nilang mangutang ... dahil may naisip silang masarap na kainin ... ano ba naman yong -treat mo naman ang sarili mo paminsan minsan.

Haven't you noticed there's a lot of that in our midst? People who thought their parents owed them something, so she had to give them a part of whatever money they earned. Ang pera ng parents niya ... pera niya rin.  At yong pera at sueldo niya sa kanya lang. Kasi deserve at entitled siya doon at walang karapatan ang parents na magreklamo. 

At dahil gahaman ito ... she has the gall to say what is in her mind. So if a person say, "Gusto ko nang mag avail ng mana ... can you believe 20 years old pa lang mana na ang nasa isip niya?  Hindi man lang niya tinatanong kung may mamanahin nga ba? Or nagpapatawa lang siya. Buhay at alive and kicking pa ang parents niya ay pinapatay na? At alam niya rin kung alin ang maganda ... at malakas ang loob na sasabihin na yong bahay sa Alabang ... sa akin yon."

Ang pagiging ENTITLED ay mga red flags na dapat tatandaan ninuman.  Anything in excess is abnormal ... lalo na kung may mga tao kang naagrabyado. Gusto mong maligaya ... pero may mga taong humihikbi dahil sa mga claims mong mga bagay na deserve mo. Feeling mo may right at entitled ka sa mga bagay-bagay ... pero paano na ang mga taong tinatapakan mo?

Caption That

Yan ba ang klase ng pagmamahal mo? Parang katulad ka ng taong kilala ko. Pagkatapos ng ilang taong pagaalaga, pagaaruga at paghihintay ... yan lang kaya mong ibigay? Ang tipid ha! At ang damot! Self-entitled ka talaga!

An Avalance of Livng in a Bubble Questions

 

More of "living in the bubble" questions.

1.  How do I know if I am living in a bubble?

If you are an entitled person who doesn't listen to advice, opinion, and suggestion from others especially if you don't share the same concept and values ... you are living in a bubble. You only listen to yourself ... thus you are living in an isolated world far from the rest of humanity.

Your knowledge and exposure to other people's opinions or ideas are narrow and constrained. This happens when you seldom watch TV or read newspaper columns or books authored by somebody who always challenges what you believe in. Living in a bubble or isolation is a defense mechanism that shielded you from other points of view ... because you fear that constantly listening to them will change your home-grown mindset and POV's.

2. Is living in a bubble an illness?  

It is not included in any list of psychiatric diagnoses... but isolation and the feeling of revolt seeing somebody share his ideas are signs of abnormal things to come. Be usually on guard of what you do or behave - any behavior that is less than expected ... and any reaction that is more than what is normal ... is trouble waiting to happen.

3. Why do I feel I am less familiar with the world?

This is the sad part of living in a bubble. You tried your hardest to be detached from the world around you for fear that outside views will poison your mind and change your perspective ... and here you are feeling unreal and bothered ... you felt there are things that are happening in the present you didn't realize existed. You felt left out.  That's what people say when they described they are not familiar with anything that is new ... and there seems like a fog or they were in a dream. Wake up then ... and smell the coffee ... and see what you missed!

4. Why do some people say "living in a bubble" is kind of distorted?

When living in a bubble, you have a distorted sense of reality and you feel encapsulated ... like there is a cloudy and a foggy curtain separating you that limits you from seeing the world as it is.

5. What are some ways we can do to stay out of the bubble?

For entitled people, it is not that easy but one can always try.

a. Open your TV and listen to talk shows, news, and programs that sell their opinions.

b. Follow blogs, TV hosts, podcasts, and news anchors that both have the same line of thinking as you ... and follow also those people that differ and have contradictory beliefs with you and your personal culture.

c. In the cafeteria sit with people you were not used to being with ... not just the usual set of friends or co-workers.

d. Buy your groceries in a different neighborhood.

e. If you are conservative find time to mingle with a few liberals and libertarians.

f. if you have homophobia ... try to follow some well-known LGBT's and get fresh perspectives from them.

g. if you are prejudiced or biased against a certain ethnic group ... be prepared to have coffee with Whites, Blacks, and Latinos.

Living In A Bubble Explained

We have a lot of intelligent and inquisitive followers on our blog. Yesterday we talk about self-entitled people "living in a bubble" ... and what do you know we are inundated with a lot of questions - we actually did not expect that response. I don't like to promise anything ... but I will try my best to answer those questions to the best of what I understand it.

So most of the questions can be summarized into this.  So what does it feel like to live inside the bubble? And what predisposes entitled people from choosing that lifestyle. And make it their way of life.

Living in a bubble to make the explanation simple ... means that the person has made that choice of creating a world all their own. The entitled person has only one belief ... and that is ... their way of thinking or their ideas are the creme de la creme of all ideas.  All other ideas pale in comparison to what they have. The feeling of superiority is there ... and they think of themselves as "RARA AVIS". It is as though they are delusional ...  somebody with fixed beliefs.  Introduced to them evidence that what they believe is wrong and they will go bananas.

That is why entitled people have bizarre ways of thinking ... you will be surprised where they get those ideas. Since they are entitled people ... their opinion about something are always self-serving, selfish and something that will benefit them. So it is not uncommon to hear from them outlandish ideas ... for instance ... they think adult children should not worry about working ... or looking for a decent job. 

They have that unshakable belief that it is the duty of the parents to give all financial support to whatever they need ... and this privilege doesn't have any expiration date ... meaning that for as long as their parents are alive they will continue to give them meal support and financial backing. If the parent doesn't have money ... their best response is "I don't believe that" ... so their expectations drag on till their parents' dying day.

So when entitled people became parents themselves ... holy guacamole ... is this now the time for them to practice what they preach (and what they believe in?)  Entitled people can always eat their vomit and say, "When I said that ... I meant it is the duty of parents to include us in their support ... and not only that ... but  their grandchildren as well." How convenient!

Entitled children don't like to work. They don't like to cook so they usually buy fast food ... and they stack their freezer with frozen foods, TV dinners, and ready-to-eat meals. They don't like to wash plates ... so they content themselves using disposables. They don't have money to pay for water and electricity... but look at how they use water ... they felt their water supply comes from Angat Dam.

Living in a bubble is a fantasy come true ... entitled people manage to separate themselves from the real world and the here and now... and their ideas show signs of disconnect from reality. They made their imaginary universe away from the peering eyes of critics and naysayers ... and to shield them from the Maritess of the world who can give unsolicited critiques about how they handle their life.

Living in a bubble can also refer to the way entitled people receive information. They may be the kind who sticks to a specific source of information (TV stations, newspapers, or blogs)  believing that it holds the absolute truth and therefore is superior to the rest. They are a little bit sheltered so they don't pay attention and listen to what other people say especially if what they are teaching in contradictory to their ideology and mindset. They won’t bother checking for other opinions and may try to avoid venturing to other platforms.

I tried convincing one entitled person to read my blog ... and he refused. He did not even take a peek at the pages. Knowing that I am exactly at the opposite pole ... that whatever I wrote is the antithesis and is in direct contrast to his whole being, his values, his culture, and his psyche. 

Tama nga naman siya. Bakit nga ba babasahin eh halos magkasalungat ang paniwala namin. What good will it give him ... and knowing entitled people always ask "what is the benefit?" ... so he is back in his bubble.

Tips On How To Deal With Entitled People

 

Having high expectations is perfectly normal. It becomes abnormal though when the person afflicted with entitlement syndrome assumes that all roads are going his way and it is perfectly alright to bypass authority figures (police, boss or parents.) For instance ... if you see a mango tree in the neighborhood pregnant with deliciously looking yellow fruits ... it is just over the top for you to assume that your neighbor will give you a free pass in his orchard.  Convincing yourself na "marami naman yan ... hindi nila mauubos yan" is so self-serving and downright irresponsible. In the first place did you even ASK PERMISSION? That's the bad part.

If your parent allowed you to stay in a fully furnished home ... that doesn't translate that you can do whatever you want with it. If one day you thought it would be better to place an air conditioner in the living room, mature thinking dictates normal people will consult their parents and ask permission if that is alright with them to bore a hole in the house. If you assume "okay lang yan ... mahal ako niyan ... he will never say no to me" di ba napaka-ASSUMING mo tol? Much more if you sold the house. Suma total it boils down to one thing - malala na ang sakit mo hija - wala kang respeto sa magulang mo pati na sa sarili mo.

Because of their loose morals, entitled people always find themselves alone.  Friends avoid them like plagues and because of their bloated egos and sense of entitlement, it is not uncommon that even family walk away. They are surprised that they feel chronically discontented and dissatisfied. Their unreasonable expectations always make them hostile and they have that constant feeling they have a need that needs to be filled. If their needs were not met, then the feeling of being treated unfairly envelops their whole being.

There is no clear evidence of where this sense of entitlement comes from. But I t tell you ... dealing with them is annoying ... at times debilitating ... and putting up with them is one hell of a Ferris wheel ride. Try these simple tricks and tips.  It is not a surefire formula ... but hey ... there is no harm in trying.

1. Don't give everything to the child. Parents who are submissive and whose strength of will and strength of character cracks every time the child frets or plays temper tantrums whenever he wants something play a big factor in contributing to the person's entitlement issues. Children who have not experienced resistance and were never told NO will grow up as an adult thinking this is how the world operates. Crying is their desperate way of manipulating their parents into caving into their demands.

2. Starve them and don't feed their sense of entitlement - The rule of thumb is ... if you know you are capable of doing what they are asking ... say NO if it is ill-timed and is a bother and disruptive of your timetable. If you are free and don't mind doing it - fine ... say YES. If your sibling says, he wants to borrow your money ... if you have extra ... let him borrow ... but prepare to say no if it is inconvenient and your money is already allocated to something else.

3. Helping is only for a while. If you have a relative who is evicted from the house he rented ... it is okay to say yes if they are asking to use the unused room you have in your house ... rather than see them homeless and struggling in the streets. However, give them your boundaries ... and a timetable, and pre-arrange how much time you allowed them to stay until they become self-sufficient. Tell them your expectations ... that you are not cooking for them, that they have to share the water and electric bills, and that they have to follow curfew rules and regulations, etc.

4. Don't debate. And don't get caught having a verbal fisticuff with them.  Arguing open the doors for entitled persons to flex their bullying muscles on you.  Just keep quiet and leave.  Ignore their texts and DM's.  The silent treatment is an antidote to entitled persons.

5. Be firm, assertive, and strong-willed.  If you want to say NO own it and be sure you meant it. Don't throw in the towel and raise the white flag at the slightest sign that the person is showing entitlement. Say what you feel ... and it is only you who can bring that out.

6. Treat them matter-of-factly. Meaning don't show any signs of emotion. If you see them fret and fuss ... you show them calm. If you have done something to them, they expect you to make amends and apologize ... and when they did something to you ... they expect you to understand them. They always think they were treated unfairly ... 

To all entitled people ... for a change in your entitled heavy schedule check yourself in the mirror...  just be honest ... can't you see who is being unfair?

Entitled Husbands VS Entitled Wives

What happens in a household where there is an entitled husband and an entitled wife? Will there be a Clash of the Titans or a battle and a clash of egos?

I can't imagine a scenario where a husband believes his wife owed him something ... and the wife feels the same. The party that is giving the service or acts of assistance resents this. We expect fireworks and a feeling of angry displeasure on both sides ... they will feel mistreated or wronged ... and feel antipathy because they were forced to do something they didn't like.

They will have that mistaken notion that they were not loved, or that they are being used or taken advantage of ... or what they are getting from their spouse is conditional love ... only because of the things they can give them.

Take the husband for instance ... if one of the many reasons you marry is that you don't have to worry anymore about washing your clothes or cooking a meal for you ... that's a toxic expectation and an entitlement.  

If you are a wife and pursue a relationship with someone for the sole purpose of sharing his wealth or fame ... I also smell entitlement.

Are you the husband who expects changing the baby's dirty diapers and preparing milk formula is solely the work of the wife? Or are you the wife that expects the husband to bring home the moolah ... as you sit at home playing with your cellphones?

Both should work as a team ... and feeling entitled should never creep into your beds ... destroying your relationship and your marriage.

Quotes on Entitlement

 To understand the quote from The HippoCritic ... let us define some terms so you will understand the quote better.

-manipulate -a person who influences others by attacking the mental and emotional side of another to get what they want. They use deception, coercion, and trickery to maintain power.

-underhanded- dishonest, deceptive, and sly.

-hypocritical - a person who pretends to have virtues and qualities that she doesn't have.  They are also those people whose actions contradict their stated beliefs or feelings.

-conditional love- is love with conditions. A classic example is when a person says," I will love you if you buy me this ring." This love can be withdrawn if certain expectations were not met.

-veiled threat-  a threat that is not directly stated but is implied using disguised language. The threat is masked and not openly expressed.

-retraction- a withdrawal of a statement or accusation

Responding To Readers

Well, we can't stop readers from asking questions about entitlement ... and one of them asked if there are entitlement issues between husband and wife.

Of course, there are ... entitlement issues can dog any type of relationship ... it is not only confined to parents and the child, it can also happen to husband and wife, to his colleagues and co-workers, to his classmate ... even to the community.

Having a husband who expects you to bow to them is infuriating and aggravating I don't blame her if she contemplates ending the marriage. A husband who thinks all the decisions should come from him and need his approval is annoying. If a partner makes the top call ... including what kind of dress you can wear ... or he accompanies you to buy groceries so he can watch eagle-eyed the items you purchased... his constant meddling can be exasperating.

Do you have a wife who believes she deserves better treatment than you do ... or some rules don't apply to you. Is she sensitive when all her expectations and hopes were thwarted ... and she feels violated ... and does her last breakdown give her a classic meltdown ... in your books? Does she want men to adhere to rigid behavioral standards - that men are expected to be successful, strong, and dominant?  Does she think what others need and want are less important ... and the only thing that matters is her needs?

Feeling entitled is toxic. Consider these other scenarios.

1. Are you one of those husband or wife ... who shower their family with love ... because they expect to be showered the same? Actually, there is nothing wrong with that. They are DOING THE THING RIGHT and it is the RIGHT THING TO DO. It becomes tricky and problematic, however ... when one expects interest and an added premium to the love he is investing. Is he trying to show love because he wishes to get loved back? 

This kind of mindset is disturbing ... because they are putting themselves on the precipice of disappointment. The question however ... can they really get the love back as they expected? Being entitled maniacs... they showed love ... so the family owed to love them back? The drawback here is ... if things didn't go in their direction ... I can't imagine how they feel when the love they expected was not enough ... or they feel the affection they received was scant and scarce as they sulk in bed feeling doom and gloom?

2. Are you one of those husband and wife who expect recognition of your hard work ... and a simple THANK YOU will brighten your day? After working under the heat of the sun for eight hours ... do you expect your wife and children to give you a welcome kiss when you went home? 

Or are you a wife who after the draining tough morning of taking care of the children, doing the laundry, and ironing them ... did you expect your husband an attitude of gratitude and invite you for a dinner date at fast food? A gift perhaps ... or sex? Having that belief that your partner owed you something (being an entitled person)how you wish your efforts will be appreciated and you expected they should give you something ... whatever form it may be.

Any sins of omission and commission ... become an indelible sin.

3. Are you one of that husband and wife who despite being married maintains a group of friends they just can't ignore and resist.  Ask yourself if this regular habitue of your household ... impacts your marriage and relationship? 

Do your besties meddles with your family and its dynamics? Does your husband's friend's drinking in the house factor into the disharmony of your married life?  Or does your wife's BFF has been anointed by you as the "pambansang sawsawera" of the year award? It is not unlikely that the people frequenting your home can give advice or suggestions that may poison the relationship and stunt its growth.

Being an entitled person ... watch out and be wary. It is hard to be placed in a rock and a hard place ... and you will force to choose - family or friends?

4. Are you one of that husband and wife whose main problem is Money? Before you plunge into marriage have you ever asked yourself if you are ready to embark on this journey ... or if you are just playing house? Are both of you college graduates and have a steady job? Have you trained yourself to be independent ... away from the peering eyes of your parents? Do you have a house of your own? Do you know that living on your own ... you have to pay for utilities, bills, and groceries? How many children are you planning to have? These are some of the questions would be parents should ask themselves. If your answer to most questions is NO ... then financial problems will dog and dragged you to no end.

For entitled people, they will not only drag themselves ... but will include everybody as part and parcel of their monetary problems where there is no end in sight.

Ending this post I just want to say ...You can get past these attitudes of entitlement. However, one has to understand why you were in the middle of a quicksand of feelings of entitlement in the first place... or why your spouse has these feelings where she is being sucked in and there is no way out. Without insight, you are in limbo and everything is dark and there is no light to pave the way.

And then when you get a clearer picture of yourself and your feelings and your situation, together, you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.

An Avalanche of Entitlement Inquiries

 

We are being deluged with questions about ENTITLEMENT. One way or another we were able to reach a lot of people and because of their thirst to ask questions makes me believe that a lot of our readers can relate to it.

1. Why do ENTITLED people feel the way they do?

This early I just want to point out that understanding human behavior is not an easy task.  It is so complex that sometimes it drives you nuts if you extend another mile to understand them. Entitled people want everything given to them for free - as if it is their birthright, an endowment of sorts. Their unreasonable expectations can be traced to some deeply rooted anxiety and self-doubt. Why do entitled people behave like they do? It is a narcissistic trait that's why? Why they think the world revolves around them is an enigma ... but considering them egocentric whose lexicon is limited to I, me, and myself - no wonder their views about the world focus only on themselves and their entrenched and firmly-fixed insecurities.  It will be an exaggeration if the Philippines is already losing its hold in the West Philippine Sea and narcissists still have ME as their favorite pastime.

2. How do you help ENTITLED people to ease up their behavior?

There are many ways to help them, but helping them will make you more enemies than friends. It is frustrating helping them because their initial response is to send you right away to Timbuktu - a place so far you don't need to invade or peek at their privacy. Try these tips ... and be sure to keep in mind to be careful because it is one hell of a roller-coaster ride.

a. Teach them to be contented. Try to disconnect them from their God-given entitlements - so that they will appreciate their situation more - rather than considering it a curse.

b. Teach them that money does not equal happiness.  I have seen farmers doubling as carabaos when they plow the field ... but you see them smile and happy.  And I know for a fact that the richest people are the most unhappy. Well, not all, but material stuff is not a guarantee to give you eternal bliss.

c. Teach them we are better off than our ancestors where before people use to walk on foot... or riding camels. With the advancement of technology ... everything is placed on a silver platter.

d. Teach them to count their blessings and not focus on what they don't have.

e. Teach them everybody needs money ... not only them. And everybody works with his family as a priority every payday ... and you are not his immediate family. If they don't have anything to spare ... who gives you the license to badmouth them.

e. avoid false entitlement - this usually comes as an offshoot when parents give their children what they want without breaking a sweat to earn it. The child creates the fantasy that he was brought into this world to be served. That's really how strange the mind works (the parents only do what they can to make them happy) instead the child has conditioned his mind that good life is forever and his family is immune to whatever economic reversal other families are experiencing. And when things didn't go as planned ... you can expect major temper tantrums and meltdowns.

Some Questions About Entitlement

Several friends and followers after reading our post on ENTITLEMENT have these questions.

1. Is being entitled bad?

It is bad ... if your question meant the effects of entitlement on the person and the people around him. A person having high expectations all the time can always end up with some kind of displeasure ,,,, when his hopes and wishes were not fulfilled. They think they are superior compared to ordinary mortals. They are overly concerned about prestige and power and lack empathy for others. They tend to think highly of themselves and overestimated their abilities. A person who newly knew him thinks they are arrogant, opinionated, and conceited. A person that is ENTITLED can also have a strained and unhealthy relationship with family, wife, and friends because he often has a high or double standard for others. An example is ... he abhors and treats gay people with disgust when he almost has one such relationship before.

2. Is being ENTITLED a mental illness?

A person with a high sense of ENTITLEMENT is a self-absorbed person who is only concerned about I, me, mine, we, and us. They don't think much about how others feel ... or empathize about how he thinks about others. He doesn't care about the impact of what he is doing because is overwhelmed with his obsession and preoccupation with himself. An extreme sense of entitlement may be part and parcel of certain personality disorders like NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or APD (anti-social personality disorder). An example is ... a person who has a high-paying job ... can't make his full potential because he is more into free-loading as he expects his parents or siblings to give him a free pass to all his needs. Their motto is: "My money is my money ... and your money is mine..."

3. When does SELF-ABSORPTION show his ugly head?

Self-centered people are not only selfish but also egotistical. They have a skewed view of the value of other people's worth because they are more preoccupied with their own interests that listening to others is nil to none. They think they deserve better than what he has right now. They keep people around them in a negative mental rut as they are unable to see another person's perspective. They frown at others' opinions and suggestions and always make a mountain ... out of a molehill. Example: Can you imagine the question "Where are we going to eat today ... " can make an ENTITLED person go ballistic if somebody suggested a place he doesn't like. They are always calling the shot - (be in charge, be in control, be in command, be the boss,  be at the helm and they always run the show).

Knowing The Self-Entitled People in Our Midst

People with ENTITLEMENT COMPLEX have this belief that rules that are supposed to be applicable to all ... can be bent  ... to accommodate them or for their benefit. They expect preferential treatment, access rights, benefits  and privileges that is only accorded to the chosen few. Some of them don't even realize they are their hometown's poster boy for toxicity and negativity. They have deluded themselves that they always on the right and the sane side of things. They didn't realize that some of what they do are bordering on the bizarre ... critics can always jump to conclusions they are just a stone-throw away from the cuckoo's bin. 

Here are some tips for knowing people who have placed themselves on a pedestal, who think of themselves as the chosen few ... the untouchables ... and to put it more bluntly - people who thought they are always above the law.

1.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you are expecting you can also use the parking areas that are clearly marked for use of people with disabilities.

2. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think traffic officers will be lenient to you when you are overspeeding or you insist on double parking.

3. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think security guards will give you a pass for using the VIP lounge in airports and terminals.

4. You are SELF-ENTITLED if  you expect your parents will give you preferential treatment in rules about curfews at home.

5. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think your siblings will allow you to use his car because it is your birthday.

6.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you thought nobody will critique you for wearing a provocative dress inside the church.

7.  You are SELF-ENTITLED when you make it a habit of keeping towels and utensils in hotels just because you want it as souvenirs.

8. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you hope for the maitre d to give you the best seat in a Las Vegas show.

9.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you assumed you can borrow money from anybody and never pay it back.

10. You are SELF-ENTITLED when your mom gives you money to buy Chickenjoy you opted to buy Chicken McNuggets instead because that's what you like.

11. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you expect your parents to support you until their dying day

12. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you presume you can just bad-mouth anybody and call them names just because you hate them.

13. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you always ask for small favors from others and you can't return back the favors because you think it's not your obligation.

14. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you don't show gratitude, respect, thanks, appreciation, or indebtedness to people who have helped you one way or the other.

15, You are SELF-ENTITLED that your parent's wish is to make you the best of what you choose to be ... instead, you retrogressed into someone so stubborn, irresponsible, and self-destructing.

Self-destructive behavior is when you do something that is sure to cause self-harm. After your problem is solved you are expected to change and never go back to your old ways. But some people never learn their lessons.  Instead of moving forward ... they step backward by going into drugs, binge eating, and compulsive activities like gambling, gaming, or shopping that will aggravate further their situation.

How Can You Tell You Have Entitlement Issues

To self-entitled people who expect help every time they have a dysfunction ... remember this always: "The lack of PLANNING on your part does not constitute an EMERGENCY on my part." So don't expect that I will always drop what I am doing just because you needed help.  

I still remember a friend in America whose caring for a son with tuberculosis. The son never told his mom about his diagnosis and he allowed his mother to be exposed to dangerous microbes. Being SELF-ENTITLED was that right for him not to disclose the reason why he was ill? You need the help all right but common sense dictates you need to come clean so your mother can at least don proper PPE (personal protective equipment) before taking care of you.

Indeed self-entitled person expects all the time ... societal rules can be bent ... to fit into what they believe in. For instance, a SELF-ENTITLED person can be very critical about people stealing money from their friends, colleagues, siblings, and parents ... but what do you know ... she is also into the same shenanigans.

They are always vocal about how a family should help each other in times of problems ... but lo and behold ... they are the very reason ... why they are in such a big mess.  They create the situation they are in ... and they blame others for being responsible for it. They never see themselves in the equation ... and they always see themselves as victims.  They have never seen what they are doing are self-inflicted injuries or deliberate self-harm, but they do it anyway ... and blame others for it.

They also don't believe their behaviors are toxic and are considered poison ... which is enough to ruin any relationship.

They still consider their behavior normal ... and they think they are always right. They are clueless as to how people close to them distance themselves and avoid any communication, They console themselves by saying: "It is your loss ... not mine" 

Holy Toledo... I just can't believe they forgot to ask themselves "What is wrong with me ... why do people steer clear of me? Indeed ... staying away from them and hiding in their shells is a welcome treat ... for how can you survive people whose main source of survival is making intrigues, antipathy, and spreading malicious gossip.

They also have a crab mentality. If the last problem they have now is pulling them down big time ... they will find ways and means of bringing you down in the same gutter. Their motto is "Misery loves company" and they take comfort in knowing they are not alone ... because they have managed to pull you in the dump where they belong.

And what kind of help do they need? Any help that concerns himself or his immediate family - that kind of help. Any help coming from them being extended to others ... are few and far between.  They get frustrated when their needs are thwarted ... and it becomes a big deal because these people can resort to name-calling and blackmailing...  and others will resort to rubbing any small help they have given you before. And what is worst is "sila ang nangangailan ng tulong ... sila pa ang may ganang magalit."

Self-ENTITLED people do not believe in "utang na loob." You may help them in their problem but they are not indebted to you. They don't owe you anything ... and gratitude for the service rendered is not in their vocabulary. They don't even say thank you because they believed you are helping them because it is your responsibility. How morbid.

Famous people react to self-entitled people and here are some of what they say:

-Mindy Raling - "ENTITLEMENT is simply a belief that you deserve something.  Which is great. The hard part is, you better make sure ... you deserved it."

-Quote Master - "ENTITLEMENT is not a right.  People are not born with a claim on the property of others. Do you disagree? Tell me how much I earn belongs to you and WHY?

-Marian Wright Edelman - "Don't feel ENTITLED to anything you didn't sweat or struggle for."

-Unknown - Self-ENTITLED people have no boundaries. They feel ENTITLED to say whatever they feel and litter their opinions regardless if they are rude, hurtful, or not true at all.  They will get angry when you defend yourself and blame you for causing drama."

-Dr. Steve Maraboli- A sense of ENTITLEMENT is a cancerous thought process that is void of gratitude and can be deadly to any relationship."

-Steven Aitchison - Successful people have a sense of gratitude.

Unsuccessful people have ENTITLEMENT."

-Onlyanurse.com - "A sense of ENTITLEMENT always guarantee you a seat at the victim's table."

-Robert Evans  - "When somebody shows up with an attitude of ENTITLEMENT ... understand that under it is a boat-load  of anxiety."

-Steven Furtick - "Gratitude begins where my sense of ENTITLEMENT ends."

-Unknown - "ENTITLEMENT is a delusion built on self-centeredness and laziness."

The Psychology of Entitlement Complex

 What is entitlement mentality means?  One vivid example of a person with an entitlement attitude is someone who seems to act like the world owed them something in exchange for nothing. They are those people who have an insatiable appetite to ask for favors, and if they ask for something they better be good.

Entitlement complex is a person's belief that he or she deserves special treatment or special rights, advantages, or immunities. They feel the need for recognition for things they did not earn or sweat. Some people think they are spoiled brats ... children who think their parent's money is their money and they have the right to get the money or steal it ... and when caught in the act ... they told you ... 'it is our money".

A person with an entitlement mentality ... when things did not go in their direction ... often takes a swing at anybody when thwarted and the way they lashed out gives you the impression you are dealing with a diva ... of a prima donnish character.

Funny how these people think and operate.  They believe all attention should be on them ... when they can't even give an iota of attention to others, let alone the attention they should give to themselves.  They believe all money should be spent on their needs, and not for a single moment have they thought ... the person supporting them have their needs too. 

Psychologist believes that the sense of entitlement is carry-over behavior that can be traced to the child's psychosexual development. They believed adults who are self-entitled are spoiled children and may have a faulty oral stage.

All parents shower their children with everything this life can offer because they want them pleased and gratified. This is normal but it has also its downside. When parents become a pawn and always give in ... and cave into their children's wishes ... the child imbibe and develop that feeling of self-entitlement.

Other reasons why a person is self-entitled are children who experienced childhood traumas where he is maltreated, abandoned, or ignored. A child who experiences care deprivation develops a self-entitled attitude using the defense mechanism of compensation to cover up his past. Because he was deprived of love, he demands it from anybody because they didn't receive it at a young age.

So it is not uncommon to see unprepared people embarking on serious stuff like marriage and they have no inkling what to expect especially the financial aspect that goes with it when they have their own children.  Self-entitled brats expect their parents to pick up the tab ... but the 24 dollars question they should answer is ... UNTIL WHEN?

Which Side Are You?

 

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