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Thursday, January 11, 2024

Definition


Enabler defined - every time you allow someone to continue being unproductive, and you remained zipped about their dormant and idle lifestyle ... or you never give a damn about their unhealthy wayward ways whether active or passive ... don't look around  ... because you are that person!

Enablers are also those persons who try to rescue someone who has the habit of making "poor choices". Enabling is helping person in a way that feeds his dysfunction. And please stop convincing me that you are doing it out of love.  Refuse to be a safety net or a protective umbrella so this little man can grow up like a man.

Are You An Enabler


Life sucks ... and you can never win.

If you continue helping someone who fools around and makes life's poor choices ... people don't call that LOVE.  They call it idiocy ... and worse they will red-tagged you as ENABLER.

If you are a sucker for giving "second chances" ... people think you encourage bad or self-destructive behaviors.

If you keep mum and have your mouth zipped the whole time your loved one is messing up his life ... people think you are justifying and indirectly supporting his potentially unhealthy tendencies.

If you SEE nothing ... HEAR nothing ... and FEEL nothing about someone's daily incursions into crime or drugs ... people will describe you as someone who condones ... tolerates ... and empowers someone of a dysfunctional behavior.

Life indeed sucks. 

Little did people know ... that the person they called enabler was silenced into doing any protest ... they were coerced ... threatened .., or pressured (as in coerced into silence) - the worst abuse any person can have.

The situation can be likened to someone putting a knife in your back ... and then forcing you to smile for everyone to see ... making them believe everything is fine and dandy between the two of you.

Are You Helping ... or Enabling?


 

The Psychology of Enabling


Question; What makes one an enabler

Answer: Enablers have that natural instinctive drive and longing to be loved and liked that is why they make themselves available whenever somebody needs help. People usually described them as accepting and tolerant ... that is why people flocked to them. They make someone feel they are indispensable ... that they are absolutely necessary and things can not function without them.

Who are the enablers in our midst? They can be a boyfriend or girlfriend, a wife, a husband, a romantic partner, parents, brothers and sisters, or a friend. One common denominator for all of these people is their love for someone who is messing up or who is out of control. And these enablers (bless their souls) take more responsibility for the actions of the stubborn and wayward family member ... more than the person is taking for themselves.

Enablers usually have an all-time high when their self-esteem is inflated ... and have a new lease on life once they show these acts of generosity and kindness. This is the only way their self-worth is nourished when loved ones are rushing to their side making them feel important and relevant and a contributing member of the family. They get some adrenalin rush when they show their ability and capability to help ... and their sense of belonging is given a booster dose.

Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help. In fact, many people who enable others don't even realize what they're doing. Enabling behaviors are also associated with codependent traits - a persistent pattern of behavior that includes suppressing your own needs to meet the needs of others. 

Why do enablers behave in what they do?

The mindset of enablers is to maintain control before the situation gets worse. An enabler doesn't want their loved one to be in murky waters, so they make it a point to invent or make excuses for their behavior before the problem escalates. From the mind of an addicted person whose only thinking is to get their next fix, this is a godsend.

The Enabler Around us


Sa lahat ng ating pagkamali, may mga tao sa ating paligid acting like pompom girls or cheerleaders.  Sila yong mga ENABLERS - to make it blunt - kahit mali yong ginagawa mo sila yong mga knights in shining armour mo who will defend you thru thick and thin. The "enablers" are giving the illusion to you that what you are doing is right kasi feeling mo ... may kakampi ka. Hindi naman sila kakampi kung mali di ba?

Pero huwag ka ... ang iba diyan sulsol lang sulsol dahil gusto lang nilang babagsak ka. Di ba sa mga bisyo ganyan, akala mo kaibigan ... naghahanap lang pala ng karamay. Sira na ang mga buhay nila ... kaya isa kang hangal na naniwala naman. Masakit isipin pero wala silang ni katiting na love sa yo ...  all they want is for you to fail at masakit ding isipin mas mahal mo sila at pinaniwalaan kaysa sa mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa iyo.

Gatong sila nang gatong ... ano ang pagkaiba nila sa pagiging "kunsintidor"? "Okay lang ang manigarilyo ... wala namang nakatingin." "Manghiram ka ng pera ... keri lang." "Mag-quit ka sa trabaho ... sasabihin ko kailangan mong magpahinga." Sa 24 hours na ikaw ay nakahilata ... sa lagay na yan kailangan mo pang magpahinga?

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Wretired writer, Malayang Free Thinker, Probing Blogger, Disenteng Dissenter, Tempered temperamental, Liberal-Conservative, Grammar and Syntax Police, Pageant Connoisseur, Hibiscus Collector

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