*FORGIVE AGAD!* GANON NGA BA KA-SIMPLE? | Fr. Joseph Fidel Roura

Are You Doing Too MUch For Your Son or Daughter?

Scary but true. There's a lot of this set-up na kahit matanda na ang ating mga anak ay ina-akay pa rin ng kanilang magulang ang kanilang anak sa kanilang pagtanda. 

Nagyayari ito dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ... naging over-protective ang parents to the point na hindi madapuan ng lamok or langaw ang bata. You want them safe ... stay healthy ... and successful kaya hindi nakapagtataka when you allowed yourself to be central caregiver - controlling, repressive and restrictive.

Kung hindi na makagalaw ang bata (either by excessive shielding or restriction) to the point of suffocation ... the child has the potential to be thrown off balance internally ... and psychologically. If parents are anxious that something will happen to their child ... consequently they limit their child's autonomy by forbidding them to do things their peer group normally does.

In the anal stage when the struggle of the child is autonomy vs self-doubt ...even at a young age ... the child is aware "na may nag-uumpugang bato" battling inside.  He ask himself these questions: "Can I do things for myself ... or will I continue being reliant and dependent on my parents?"

If this is the kind of parenting setup in the house, parents unknowingly create a child unprepared to deal with what life may throw their way.

Parents who have done "a little too much" (either parental control or parental involvement) do not want them to grow and be independent. They don't allow their children the opportunity to develop flexibility and resilience in times of life's challenges. These children were not allowed the freedom to manipulate their environment and test their problem-solving skills. The parents do it all for them.

Children brought this way when they become adults are hesitant and tentative and they can't decide for themselves. More often than not they have poor coping skills and defense mechanisms ... they are prone to anxiety and depression and have a poor tolerance to stress.

They are accustomed to having parents who make it their habit to clean up the messes they create. They are FUTILE and INUTIL to face minor setbacks and trials.

Ask yourself: Is over-protective and controlling good?

Look at the image in this post. Babying an adult kid, when you have reached your retirement is bordering on abnormal.

Doing a little too much in your children's lives can make them very dependent on you. When they become adults they will seek your help. And don't be surprised... if they give you frequent visits ... or they will call you for simple things that you expect they could solve by themselves. 

They will rely on you ... count on you ... and lean on you. Blame yourself if their being dependent will extend even to their finances ... or paying bills ... or being unable to decide for themselves.

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