Are you tired of the exhausting burden of critical thinking? Does your brain hurt whenever you try to look at "both sides of the coin"?
Do you find that pesky thing called "objectivity" gets in the way of your favorite politician’s social media aesthetic?
Well, it looks like you made it. You are about to graduate from the boring school of being a rational citizen, and with just a little make-over, you are about to join the cult, the glorious order of Blind Devotees.
If you want to maintain your status as a top-tier fan who would defend their political idol even if they were caught setting fire to the national treasury, follow this simple guide.
1. Putting Them In The Pedestal
The Rational Mistake: Treating a politician like a public servant. Let them go around like ordinary mortals.
The Fanatic Way: Your idol is not a public servant; they are a deity in a blazer or barong Tagalog. Do not put them on a pedestal—that’s not high enough. Mount them on a golden throne in the sky, well above the reach of laws, facts, and standard human decency. If they are walking on the ground, they might get dirt on their shoes. We don't like that.
2. The "Praise/Criticize."
The Rational Mistake: Praising the good, criticizing the bad. “I like their healthcare policy, but I’m concerned about the corruption charges.”
The Fanatic Way: This is "heresy." If the idol does something good, you must worship it as a miracle. If the idol does something bad (like, say, stealing billions or lying to the nation), you must reframe it as "strategic genius."
Example: If they steal, they are simply "redistributing the blessings." If they lie, they are "managing the public’s perception for national security." Criticism is for people who hate the country.
3. The "Two Sides of the Coin"
The Rational Mistake: Looking at both sides of the coin to understand the whole picture.
The Fanatic Way: Why look at the other side of the coin when your side has the idol’s face on it? The other side is just "Fake News," "Destabilization," or "The Work of the Opposition." Coins were meant to be flipped, not analyzed. If you ever find yourself thinking, "Hey, maybe the critics have a point," quickly refresh your feed until you find a meme that confirms your bias and resets your brain to factory settings.
4. Public Servant vs. Public Master
The Rational Mistake: Believing the phrase "Public Servant."
The Fanatic Way: This is clearly just a polite euphemism from the colonial era. They are our masters; we are the interns. Our job is to defend them, ignore their flaws, and fight their battles on Twitter. If they demand tax money, we pay. If they demand silence, we will be quiet. If they demand we hate our neighbors for disagreeing with them, we sharpen our pitchforks.
5. The Golden Rule of Blind Loyalty
Never, ever let the facts win. If you are presented with evidence—a signed document, a video, a bank record—ignore the content and focus entirely on the intent of the person showing it to you.
Did they show a record of theft? How dare they attack the idol!
Did they ask a question? Disrespectful!
Did they suggest the idol should be accountable? Treason!
Remember, being a rational supporter requires effort, nuance, and the courage to admit when you’re wrong. That sounds exhausting.
Being a blind fanatic is easy! All you have to do is turn off your brain, protect your favorite surname at all costs, and pretend that the "Public Servant" you voted for is actually an infallible superhero who is never, ever wrong.
If you find yourself accidentally using logic, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and repeat after me: "My idol is perfect, the facts are fake, and critical thinking is a liberal conspiracy."



