Paolo Marcoleta: He wants Attention ... He Get It 100 Percent

In the revered halls of the House of Representatives (where you found a profound sense of awe), the impeachment hearing of Vice President Sara Duterte has officially pivoted a 180-degree turn - the eerie feeling of deep reverence and respect has changed in an instant, disintegrating into a "putso putso" variety show.

I couldn't imagine how the HOR bigwigs have prepared for this big event after being pooh-poohed last year for lack of due process and encroaching on 1 year bar rule.

I also could not understand the mechanics of how Cong Luistro stomached accepting this damned if you do .... damned if you don't job)

For sure, she is losing her sanity in the process, as she meticulously follows the Supreme Court's major suggestions to the letter on how to do the ABC of impeachment proceedings.

They can't afford a repeat of last year's debacle, and getting a stamp of approval from SC is all they need.

So they have to do well, keeping in mind that they have to adhere to and execute their guidelines.

I almost lost count of how many times the Justice Committee was frantically trying to reach the VP and also the Office Of The Vice President, and presumably getting nothing but a voicemail recording of someone crunching on Mary Grace Piattos.

The real "pasavogue," however, was not what we discussed in our intro.

It was provided by the man, the myth, the uninvited guest: Rep. Paolo Marcoleta.

Some netizens are beginning to wonder because of their strong resemblance and demeanor, they asked:" Was he the son of Rodante Marcoleta? "

Did you see how audacious and sanctimonious ... he was?

Marcoleta has pioneered a new legislative hobby: Procedural Party Crashing.

Not being a member of the committee, he possesses a supernatural ability to materialize whenever a microphone is live and a debate is brewing. He has perfect timing, too.

Netizens are split on his motivation:
The "Loyalist" Theory: He’s doing it for Sara.

The "Main Character" Theory: He’s doing it for himself.

Like a legislative version of a "chip off the old block" (shoutout to the Barzagas and Levistes of the world), Marcoleta has decided that when the rest of the room is wearing yellow, he’s going to wear neon plaid—just to be different.

He claims he’s doing it for "The Filipino People," but at this point, the Filipino people are mostly getting tired of his father's antics, having two Marcoletas in the Senate, and the HOR is a hard pill to swallow.

His performance today was cringeworthy, causing acute embarrassment and awkwardness even from the most jaded netizen.

Marcoleta unleashed a flurry of "arguments" so baffling that one of his colleagues eventually had to perform a legal mercy killing, moving to have everything he said stricken from the record.

When faced with the prospect of his words being erased from history, Marcoleta—ever the comedian—quipped: "Baka wala nang matira?" (Maybe nothing will be left?)

Give the man a trophy for honesty! It was a moment of rare self-awareness.

If you strike out the grandstanding, the interruptions, and the "main character" monologues, the transcript of his contribution would indeed be very clean and very empty.

The father-and-son tag team is a tragicomedy.

Rodante Marcoleta was once known as a "de campanilla" lawyer, a man whose baritone voice could command a room.

But somewhere between the ABS-CBN shutdown and the "Piattos" defense, the father chose a different career path: Professional Caricature.

Now the son is following his footsteps like they were Siamese twins.

In Paolo's experience yesterday ... he doesn't mind being the laughingstock as long as he’s the center of the laughter.

The Goal: 100% attention.

The Result: 100% achieved.

The Cost: A reputation that is now less "No-Nonsense Congressman" and more "Court Jester of the Lower House."

He kept on saying he was just manifesting and reacting to what he had heard. But who believes him?

He was reading his reactions - in other words, those reactions have long been done ... even before the hearing started. One netizen jokes ... his reactions were done by the father.

Despite several congressmen arguing with him—essentially trying to tell him that he doesn't even work here (in this committee)—Marcoleta remained unstoppable.

He is the legislative equivalent of that one uncle at the wedding who wasn't invited to the speech portion but somehow ends up with the microphone and a 20-minute story about his gallbladder surgery.

As the impeachment moves forward toward its April 14 climax, one thing is certain: the "Piattos" might be fictitious, the "Marines" might be AWOL, but Marcoleta’s need for the spotlight is the most verifiable fact in the building.

In the House of Representatives, you can be a lawmaker, or you can be a meme.

Marcoleta has made his choice, and unfortunately for the record-keepers, there isn't enough "white-out" in the world to keep up with him.

Senator Bong Go: Pa Victim

While 'normalcy' remains elusive for many, Senator Bong Go claims to have unlocked the path to a renewed comeback for national recovery.

What we experience right now ... he likened it to a long, painful commercial break, just waiting for the 'Duterte 2' sequel to hit the marquee ... starring, of course, VP Sara.

Here is a look at the "Normal Life" we are all supposedly missing so much.

1. The "Back to Normal" Starter Pack
According to the Gospel of Bong Go, "Normal" isn't a state of mind.

Once VP Sara takes the helm, the following "normal" occurrences will miraculously return:

The Great Homecoming: Harry Roque can finally stop his world tour of "Not-a-Fugitive" hideouts and come home to a red carpet.

The Guest List: Michael Yang returns as the Economic Adviser, because nothing says "National Interest" like a guy who treated the Pharmally funds like a personal piggy bank.

The Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Cards: Gerald Bantag and Alice Guo (if she’s still around) can finally breathe that sweet, unfiltered air of "Absolution."

The Entertainment Sector: E-Sabong and POGOs will rise like a phoenix from the ashes, ensuring that every Filipino has the constitutional right to lose their life savings from the comfort of their smartphone.

2. "We" vs. "They."
The most hilarious part of the Senator’s sentiment is the use of the word "TAYO" (Us) masquerading as a facade for KAMI (the special WE group). See the difference between TAYO and KAMI?

For the Rest of Us
-Normal means lower rice prices and translatable jeepney routes.
-Normal means having to eat three times a day and a roof over our head.
-Normal means being able to go out at night without fear of being mugged.

For their "Circle of Friends"
-Normal means having a direct line to the Malacañang kitchen.
-Normal means the ICC being treated like a spam caller.
-Normal means "Confidential Funds" appearing like magic tricks.

Let’s be real: when Bong Go says "we" can go back to normal, he’s talking about that very specific group of people who currently feel like they’re living in an alternate reality where they actually have to follow rules.

"It’s not a national crisis, Senator; it’s just a lifestyle change.

You’re not a victim of 'abnormal times'; you’re just experiencing the tragic side effect of an expired 'unlimited power' subscription."

Senator, we appreciate the concern for our "normalcy."

But for most Filipinos, your "Normal" looks suspiciously like a high-budget sequel to a movie we already walked out of.

If "Normal" means the return of Ghost Projects and the absolution of every "Biscaya" couple in the archipelago, maybe we’re actually quite happy being a little "abnormal" for a while.

After all, the only thing "Normal" about that plan is the audacity.

The Doubting Thomases in the Current Political Climate

It’s ironic, isn’t it? In the Gospel, Thomas said: “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe” (John 20:25).

In Philippine politics, we have the opposite scenario: we see the "wounds" (the floods, the empty coffers, the broken roads) every single day, yet we are asked to believe that the government has done a sterling job in governance.

Here is a satirical take on our modern-day "Douthing Thomases" navigating the stormy waters of 2026 politics.

1. The Miracle of the Invisible Flood Control
In the Philippines, we don't have Doubting Thomases; we have Drowning Thomases.

As the 2026 monsoon turns Manila into a world-class water park, the government points to the ₱500 billion state-of-the-art project.

The Drowning Thomas stands on his roof, waist-deep in murky water, looking at a DPWH sign that says "Flood Control Project: 98% Complete."

The Parallel: Just as Thomas needed to put his finger into the nail marks, the Filipino taxpayer wants to put his finger on an actual, functioning pumping station.

The Satire: The government’s response? "Blessed are those who have not seen the flood control gates, yet believe they are working." If you can’t see the project, it’s not because it’s a "ghost project"—it’s just underwater. It’s a matter of faith, Thomas!

2. The Impeachment: "I Will Not Believe Until I See the Receipts."

Then we have the Senate Doubting Thomases regarding the impeachment of VP Sara.

While the House of Representatives has presented alleged evidence regarding the misuse of confidential funds, including transported bags of cash, certain Senators are playing the role of the doubting Thams perfectly."

The Parallel: Thomas said, "Unless I see the print of the nails... I will not believe."

The Satire: A Senator looks at a mountain of COA disallowances and says, "Unless I personally count the ₱125 million in 11 days myself, I shall remain unconvinced."

In this version, even if be someone's"Truth" stands right in front of them, they’ll ask for a Notarized Affidavit from the Truth first—preferably one that doesn't affect their 2028 coalition prospects.

3. The "Stigma" of the Secret Wealth
Remember that "fake news" about you having money? In politics, it’s the reverse. We see politicians who officially own nothing but a "modest" hut and a 1990s sedan in their SALN, yet they live in mansions with gold-plated faucets.

The Parallel: Thomas doubted the divinity of a man who looked human. We doubt the "poverty" of men who look like billionaires.

The Satire: We are the Doubting Thomases when a politician says, "I am as poor as a church mouse." We want to see the wounds—specifically, the wounds in their bank accounts.

But instead of showing us the "holes," they show us "Non-Disclosure Agreements" and "Confidential Fund" loopholes.

In the Bible, Thomas’s doubt was cured by a Physical Encounter with the truth. In the Philippines, our doubt is permanent because the "Truth" is usually:

Under a non-disclosure agreement.

Hidden in a "confidential fund."

Or washed away by a ₱5-billion flood control project that turned out to be made of sand and recycled campaign posters.

Keep clapping for your blind idolatry that your idol can't be someone's gift from heaven!

It’s fitting, really—in a land of invisible infrastructure, holding onto a fake reality is the only thing that makes sense.

Where's Waldo ... Where's Is BBM?

It looked like Where's Waldo, The Pinoy Version had its comeback, and people had just that insatiable desire to ask: Is the President still alive?

 We have entered a fascinating era of "Selective Observation," where the rules of physics depend entirely on your political affiliation.

The DDS internet detectives are currently in a frenzy, scouring the earth for President Bongbong Marcos. 

The government releases a video of him in Bataan? "Edited!" say the vloggers. 

He appears at a televised event? "Deepfake!" scream the commenters. Has he been seen working by the mainstream media? "Mainstream lies!" they chant.

Apparently, for some, the President is like a ghost—even when he’s standing right in front of you, you need a paranormal investigator to confirm he’s not just a high-resolution projection from Malacanang.

But here’s the satirical twist: while everyone is hyper-fixated on BBM’s pulse, we seem to have a growing list of "Missing Persons" that nobody in the vlogger-verse seems to care about.

• Senator Bato Dela Rosa: Is he still among us? He’s been MIA longer than a summer vacation. He’s practically achieved a state of legislative Nirvana—existing only in the abstract, far away from the Senate floor or a timecard. Why aren't we checking his pulse?

• Gerald Bantag: Last seen... somewhere?

• Atong Ang: The man is like a mythic creature; everyone talks about him, but sightings are rarer than a sincere political apology.

• Harry Roque: Now, if we’re talking about AI, let’s look here. Every time a "regular" post appears from the former spokesperson, one has to wonder: Is that really Harry, or is it a sophisticated "Spokes-Bot" programmed to maximize sass and minimize accountability? 

• 
  

So, why the obsession with proving the President is incapacitated? Why the desperate need to find a "flatline" in every video clip?

The goal isn't "concern for the leader’s health.

" It’s a Senatorial Fast-Break. They aren't looking for a pulse; they’re looking for a vacancy. 

It’s the dream of the "Instant Presidency"—the political equivalent of a "Skip to the End" button on a long YouTube video. 

Why wait for the pesky 2028 elections when you can just "narrate" the current occupant out of the office and slide the Vice President into the big chair by Monday morning? It is truly impressive to watch the logic at play:

1. Marcos is seen working: "Fake news! He's dying!"

2. Dela Rosa is literally never seen: "He's just busy being a patriot! Leave him alone!"

3. Roque posts from an undisclosed location: "He's a hero!"

In the world of "Didilis" logic, being AWOL is a sign of strength, but being Visible is a sign of a deep-fake conspiracy.

 It’s a state-of-the-art innovation in mental gymnastics that would win a gold medal if "Delusion" were an Olympic sport.

The President is out there working, documented by every legitimate news outlet in the country. 

Meanwhile, a handfulof high-ranking officials have pulled a "Houdini" and  vanished from public view, yet the vloggers are silent.

Perhaps it’s time to stop checking the President’s temperature and start checking the Senatorial attendance sheet. 

But then again, a "Fast-Break" to 2028 is much more exciting than a boring old thing like "facts" or "constitutional procedure."

The Fake News That Put A Smile On My Face

Dapat magalit tayo sa mga fake news. Pero may isang fake news about me na labis kong ikinatuwa. Hindi lang happy ha ... pumapalakpak pa ang tenga ko.Yung fake news na sinasabi nilang… may pera daw ako.Minsan talaga, ang sarap yakapin ang maling impormasyon, lalo na kung ang alternatibo ay ang masakit na katotohanan ng bank account natin. May mga "fake news" talaga na masarap pakinggan, parang musika sa tenga—kahit na ang tanging laman ng bulsa natin ay resibo at pag-asa.

Sabi nga nila, "Claim it!" Baka naman hindi 'yan fake news, kundi "advanced news" lang na hindi pa nadedeliver ng tadhana.

Narito ang ilang dahilan kung bakit nakaka-good vibes ang ganyang klaseng tsismis:

• Manifestation by Proxy: Kapag iniisip ng mga tao na mayaman ka, feeling mo rin tuloy, kahit sandali, ay bahagi ka ng 1%. Libreng pangarap, ika nga.

• The "Rich" Aesthetic: Ibig sabihin, maganda ang dalhin mo sa sarili. Kung mukha kang "may pera" sa mata nila kahit wala, tagumpay ang iyong skin care o ang husay mong magdala ng damit.

• Credit Score ng Tsismis: Mas okay na mapagkamalang milyonaryo kaysa mapagkamalang nangungutang. At least, mataas ang "social credit" mo sa barangay.

Sa mundong sosyal media na puno ng bardagulan at negatibiti, 'yung mapagkamalan kang mapera ang pinaka-harmless at nakaka-flatter na "fake news." Sige lang, hayaan mo silang pumalakpak; basta ang mahalaga, hindi sila hihiram sa 'yo!

Anong plano natin sa "fictional wealth" na 'yan—ipapa-renovate na ba natin ang gate o magpapa-catering na sa susunod na kanto?

Mourning the "Death" of Disinformation

(Pahiram ng image JLB. Thanks)

In the grand, chaotic marketplace of ideas, one 'product' refuses to expire, even when it’s clearly rotten: Fake News.

Fake news acts as an imperishable, albeit toxic, commodity that defies conventional quality control.

It turns out that misinformation spreads like wildfire, and it survives and thrives because the BBM admin attempts to combat every raging inferno with a spray bottle of politeness... not a heavy-duty, industrial-grade fire extinguisher.

But hold on, folks, and don't drop that filter ... and keep that lighting premium ... because there are major changes.

PCO Secretary Dave Gomez has finally traded his "Statement of Concern" for a "Complaint Affidavit." The government has decided that if the truth won't set you free, maybe a subpoena will.

It all started with the "Energy Lockdown" last April, when a very imaginative content creator convinced a significant portion of the internet that the government was going to pull the plug on the nation.

Despite Usec. Claire Castro, denying it with the patience of a kindergarten teacher, the lie kept growing. And mutating.

In the world of the "Didilis" (DDS) influencers, a government denial is just a "secret confirmation."

If the PCO says "No," the vloggers hear "Yes, and immediately they light death candles and sing eulogy hymns.

But the real pièce de résistance was the "Stage 4 Colon Cancer/St. Luke's/Is He Dead Yet?" saga that flooded the weekend. According to a coordinated wave of influencers and Duterte-aligned politicians, the President is simultaneously:

Critically ill.

Dying.

I was expecting somebody to report an ongoing cremation.

It’s paramount in Creative Destabilization. Why wait for an election in 2028 when you can make a eulogy or a tribute to the President today?

They aren't just spreading rumors; they’re trying to manifest a constitutional succession through sheer, concentrated gossip.

The funniest part of this satire is the Inconvenience of Reality. While the vloggers were busy picking out flowers for a state funeral, the "incapacitated" President was busy:

Swearing in the Vice Mayors League.

Meeting with the Crisis Committee.

Chatting with foreign dignitaries and ambassadors at the Holy See anniversary.

If he’s actually dying, he’s the most overachieving corpse in human history.

One can only imagine the dignitaries' confusion: "The internet is having a field day, but it’s great to see you looking so healthy."

The other one added, "For a dead person, you look remarkably alive."

Still another one: "You look fantastic for someone who is technically 'resting in peace."

For years, the government’s strategy against fake news was "See No Evil ... and Hear No Evil. BBM never answered back

He was typically calm, detached, and unwilling to let gossip or drama affect him, often choosing to rise above it rather than engage.

The Drug Use Video? Strong words, zero handcuffs.

The VP’s "Assassination" Livestream? Deep concern, zero consequences.

When the government lacks "visible accountability," its warnings have the same authority as a "No Parking" sign in the streets - it’s basically just a suggestion for where to put your car.

Secretary Gomez filing cases at the DOJ is a signal that the PCO has finally realized that Credibility is Currency.

People like a leader who projects strength, and nothing says "I’m in control" like telling a fake news peddler, "See you in court."

If the government follows through, we might actually see a world where freedom of expression doesn't mean the freedom to invent a "Stage 4" diagnosis for your political rivals.

But if this is just another cycle of "Strongly Worded Press Releases," then the vloggers will go right back to their scripts.

The Moral of the Story: In the Philippines, truth isn't just a casualty of war; it’s a casualty of a slow legal system.

But if the PCO keeps this up, the next "Energy Lockdown" might just be for the vloggers’ internet connections.

Indeed, a Requiem Reminder to all Fake News Peddlers.

A Controversial Birthday Wishlist

The energy crisis remains the biggest problem the Philippines is wrestling with ... and there are discussions about CAR-POOLING as one potential remedial help.

The same issues are troubling the Philippine social media; showbiz personalities have officially moved beyond the mission and the vision of WISH KO LANG and entered the era of WISH-POOLING.

Why waste your birthday wish on a new car or world peace when you can donate it to a more "urgent" cause?

The latest digital movement involves the upcoming birthday of Angel Locsin.

Fans and netizens are practically begging her to forego her personal desires and donate her "Birthday Power" to boost a very specific target: Kara David’s wish.

What exactly did the veteran documentarist Kara David wish for? If we remember right, she was too vocal to share with us her birthday wish, and without batting her eyelash, she said:

"Sana mamatay lahat ng kurakot sa Pilipinas (I hope all the corrupt people in the Philippines will die).

The statement, made before blowing out her birthday candles, resonated with many netizens due to ongoing issues with corruption and flood-control projects. Thumbs up, sila.

It seems her wish has become the "Avengers: Endgame" of Filipino aspirations.

It’s so potent that even Bela Padilla chimed in, basically saying, "Whatever Kara wants, I’m putting my birthday energy on that, too."

It’s a beautiful, cascading effect of celebrity altruism.

If Angel Locsin joins the fray, we are looking at a Triple-Threat Supernatural Force.

If birthday wishes were a stock market, "Kara’s Wish" would be trading at an all-time high.

However, the most hilarious (and telling) part of this saga is the reaction of the common Pinoy.

One netizen, clearly sensing the sheer, concentrated power of this "Locsin-Padilla-David" wish-vortex, was seen practically pleading with the heavens: "Please, can the wish just be for 'Change' and not 'The End'?"

It’s dripping in Filipino dark humor and reeking with political fatigue.

We’ve reached a point where people are so desperate for a shift in the status quo that they’re worried their own collective "Birthday Power" might accidentally trigger a Swan Song or Final Destination scenario for certain political figures.

The netizen’s plea is simple: "Magbago lang, 'wag mamatay." (Just change, don't die.)

It’s a polite request for a character development instead of a series finale. It's like asking the director of a long-running telenovela to please just give the villain a conscience instead of a car crash.

Imagine the Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR) trying to tax this.

Donor: Angel Locsin.

Recipient: Kara David’s Ambiguous Goal.

Beneficiary: The entire Philippine population (hopefully).

If this works, we could revolutionize governance. Forget elections! We just need to find out when every influential celebrity’s birthday is and sync their wishes like a spiritual Wi-Fi network.

As Angel’s birthday approaches, the tension is palpable. Will she donate the wish?

Will Kara’s secret desire finally manifest? And most importantly, will the universe choose "Door A: Change" or "Door B: The St. Luke’s Scenario" that the vloggers keep dreaming about?

Whatever happens, one thing is certain: in the Philippines, a birthday cake is no longer just dessert—It’s a tactical weapon in the grand battle for our national destiny."