When The Bible Becomes a Confidential Shield

Being a Sunday, I can't help but continue talking about the Senate events of last week.

And I know we sound like a broken record repeating the same old familiar refrain - the Senate Chapel of Political Expediency, where the Word of God is currently being used as a high-visibility vest for a leadership coup.

A Church blog recently pointed out the "perplexing" habit of politicians quoting Scripture to cover up wrongdoing.

In the Philippines, we don't just quote the Bible; we use it to decorate the crime scene.

As the "DuDirty 13" take over the Senate, we are witnessing a masterclass in Sacred Spin.

Senate President Alan Peter Cayetano has famously declared himself an "Ambassador of the Lord Jesus Christ." *

-The Satire: It’s a lovely title. Most ambassadors represent a country; Alan Peter represents a Kingdom while simultaneously representing the interests of a political dynasty facing impeachment.

-The Irony: It’s hard to reconcile "Truth, Love, and Justice" with a leadership change that looks like it was choreographed by a group of people trying to avoid an ICC warrant.

If Alan is an ambassador for Christ, his diplomatic pouch seems to be filled with Gentleman’s Agreements that he has no intention of honoring ... and Bible verses used as tactical smoke grenades.

The Church blog noted that the Gospel was never meant to be a shield for wrongdoing.

-The Maneuver: When Alan Peter stands at the podium and prays for "wisdom" while blocking an impeachment trial, he isn't seeking God's will; he’s seeking a technicality.

-The Reality: In his world, "Honoring thy Father and Mother" apparently extends to "Protecting thy Bestie’s Daughter from Accountability."

He uses the Bible as a Moral Armor—if you criticize his political maneuvers, he implies you are criticizing his faith. It’s the ultimate "God Mode" cheat code in Philippine politics.

Faith becomes genuine when lived with humility.

-The Satire: Humility is rarely seen in a man who slams his phone on a desk and shouts profanities at a colleague, only to post a Bible verse on Facebook ten minutes later.

-The Translation: * Bible Verse: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..."

-Political Subtext: "...and those plans involve me staying Senate President until 2028 so we can dismiss these Articles of Impeachment forthwith."

The Church is right: God’s word calls us to justice. But in the Senate, justice is currently being treated like a confidential fund—everyone knows it’s missing, but if you ask where it went, you’re told you lack "faith" in the system.

-The Pattern: They quote the Bible to justify the "Buddy-Buddy" system. They use the name of the Almighty to convince the people that the coup was a "divine appointment" rather than a desperate attempt to keep the "Tokhang Architect" out of a cell in The Hague.

We are seeing a version of Christianity where the "Good News" is only good for the 13 Senators holding the gavel.

If a politician starts a speech by saying, "Let us pray," check your pockets.

And if they finish a speech with a Bible verse while standing next to a fugitive, check the Articles of Impeachment—because they’ve probably already been archived in the name of the Lord.

Robin Padilla: From Action Hero To Person Of Interest

Robin Padilla: From Action Hero to Person Of Interest

In the past, movie reporters were discussing the showbiz evolution of Robin Padilla.

It is different now. People are talking about his political metamorphosis - from being the number one senator, - he is now the person of interest (allegedly everyone thinks he has aided and abetted Bato's cinematic escape.

Robin’s transition from the glitz of showbiz to the sacred halls of legislation is the ultimate testament to the political power of former President Rodrigo Duterte's endorsement.

Armed with zero political experience, an impressive mustache, and an absolute refusal to let "not knowing how things work" deter him, he spoke his mind.

Robin has taken the Senate by storm. He didn’t just enter politics; he turned it into an unscripted reality show.

Robin's baptism of fire came early, proving that his legislative staff handles research with the same rigor as a Wikipedia skim under a spotty 3G connection.

-The Brainwave: Faced with the paralyzing traffic of Metro Manila, Robin didn't suggest mass transit expansion or urban planning overhauls.

He boldly declared that it was high time the Philippines tried aerial cable cars.

-The Reality Check: Netizens did not hold their punches. The internet immediately treated his proposal like a comedy skit, envisioning commuters dangling over the EDSA flyover in ski lifts.

But Robin was unfazed. It established his signature style: launching ideas completely out of the blue, shrugging off being called useless or bobo (dumb), and moving right along to the next viral controversy.

Robin’s Senate microphone is a perpetual-motion machine of headline-grabbing takes: Here are some of them.

1. The Marital Consent Debacle: During a 2024 hearing, he baffled women's rights advocates by wondering aloud whether "no" really means "no" in a marriage, suggesting wives have an absolute duty to serve.

2. The "Weak Gen Z" Sermon: In February 2026, he looked at a generation struggling with mental health, declared today's youth "weak," and wondered why they have depression when his generation coped just fine by presumably doing stunt work.

3. The Ideological Seesaw: He files a bill to institutionalize same-sex civil unions (confusing progressives and conservatives alike).

4. He introduced a highly volatile bill to legalize medical cannabis, \

5. He then turns around and falls victim to a Meta online privacy hoax—copy-pasting a chain message on his official Facebook page to legally "stop" Mark Zuckerberg from looking at his photos.

Robin has never been shy about bringing his "Bad Boy" movie persona to work.

His ongoing feud with Senator Kiko Pangilinan hit peak drama when Robin demanded a public apology because Kiko allegedly yelled at him.

In front of the reporter's camera, he refused a handshake.

The absolute nerve it takes to demand a gentleman's courtesy in the plenary while treating the rest of the institution like a film set is vintage Robin.

While the Senate was under literal siege with lockdowns and gunfire, Robin didn’t look terrified; he was seen roaming the halls like he owned the place, casually flashing finger hearts to the media and giving thumbs-up signs while everyone else was trying to find a safe room.

But being the bida (action hero) in real life comes with actual repercussions.

The "Davao Mafia" rescue operation required a driver for its midnight escape, and Robin reportedly stepped right into the role.

-The Midnight Run: According to official logs and NBI reports, at exactly 2:35 AM on Thursday, May 14, 2026—just hours after the suspicious hallway shootout—Senator Bato dela Rosa slipped out of the building. How? He was allegedly smuggled out in a white SUV driven by none other than Robin Padilla.

-The NAIA Sightings: Rumors exploded across social media when netizens claimed they spotted Robin escorting Bato at the VIP area of NAIA Terminal 3 around 4:10 AM.

-The Consequences: The National Bureau of Investigation has officially labeled Robin Padilla a "Person of Interest" in Bato’s disappearance.

Former Senator Leila de Lima is already whispering the words "Obstruction of Justice" and "Aiding and Abetting a Fugitive.

For years, Robin’s defense has been a confident shrug. He didn't know where to sit, he didn't know the rules, but he always wanted to be the main character.

Well, Mr. Yabang (Mr. Arrogant), you finally got the lead role. You aren't just a senator throwing out wild ideas about cable cars anymore; you are now the primary subject of a state law enforcement investigation.

You didn't know your place, you couldn't stay in your lane, and you insisted on playing the hero in a real-life criminal evasion plot.

That’s the problem with treating a constitutional republic like a Viva Films production—eventually, the real police show up, and they don't care about your box office records..

The Senate Obituary Section

I hate mentioning cemeteries or memorial parks in my post... it just gives me the creeps.

But no matter how I tried to avoid it... the Senate, formerly known as the upper chamber of the Philippine legislature, has done nothing but graveyard work.

As of May 11, 2026, the Senate has officially pivoted from "Law-Making" to "Funeral Directing."

With the rise of the "DuDirty 13" majority—a bloc so tightly knit they probably share a single Netflix password and a communal "Get Out of Jail Free" card—the legislative agenda has become a graveyard.

If you were looking for progress, accountability, or transparency, we suggest you check the nearest kangkungan, because in this Senate, the only thing being "served" is the interests of the Besties.

1. The Anti-Political Dynasty Bill (RIP: 1987–2026)
Senator Risa Hontiveros’ Anti-Political Dynasty Bill has finally been laid to rest. After decades of being ignored, it was officially smothered by a majority composed of people whose last names are literally their only qualification.

-The Irony: Trying to pass an Anti-Dynasty Bill in a Senate where the Cayetanos, the Villars, and the Marcoses hold the gavel is like trying to sell a "No Dogs Allowed" sign to a kennel owner.

-The Eulogy: "It lived a long, ignored life. It is survived by five brothers, three cousins, and a daughter-in-law currently running for Governor."

2. The CADENA Bill (Kadena-locked and Buried)
Bam Aquino’s CADENA Bill—designed for budget transparency—has been successfully "de-linked."

-The Satire: Why would a majority led by the "Proponents of Privacy" want a transparent budget?

If the public can see where the money goes, how can we maintain the "Confidential" mystique?

The CADENA bill wasn't just killed; it was locked in a vault, and the key was given to a man who thinks "Accounting" is a form of political persecution.

3. The Flood Control Report (Swept Away)
Ping Lacson’s Flood Control Report, which promised to expose ₱500-billion anomalies, has been "washed away" by the very people it was trying to investigate.

-The Maneuver: Seven senators signed it, but they needed nine. And since the "DuDirty 13" are currently busy building a "Sanctuary" for their friends, they don't have time to sign reports about missing billions.

-The Weather Report: "Expect heavy flooding in the National Treasury, with a 100% chance of accountability being submerged indefinitely."

4. The Marcoleta Contribution Probe (Case Closed by "Friends")
The investigation into Rodante Marcoleta’s campaign contributions has been declared "miraculously clean."

The Logic: In the new Senate, we don't investigate our colleagues; we nominate them for leadership positions.

Investigating a campaign contribution in this bloc is like investigating a priest for liking incense and holy water—it’s just part of the "system."

When the Senate President owes his gavel to a fugitive Senator (Bato) who sprinted through the halls to cast a vote, you know the "Rule of Law" is in the ICU.

-The Triage: The Senate is no longer a "check and balance." It is a checked and Balanced bank account.

-The Diagnosis: We aren't just losing bills; we are losing the "Impartial Justice" promised in the Senatorial Oath.

The only thing "Neutral" in the Senate right now is the gear they’ve put the country in—Neutral, while the car rolls backward down a cliff.

The "DuDirty 13" have turned the Senate into a fortress. It’s not just the impeachment trial that's in trouble.

And the idea that the Senators work for the people is now considered untrue, as the people's trust in the institution and its senators has eroded.

If you want a bill to pass in 2026, make sure it’s titled "The Presidential Besties Protection Act" or "The Biblical Justification for Confidentiality."

It will surely have the majority's vote. Otherwise, any other bills ... it’s going straight to the crematorium.

The Many Accusations of Alan Peter Cayetano

 

It is Sunday, and it's Church Day. And with that in mind, we are back to the Senate Sanctum of Semantic Splendor, where our newly anointed Senate President, Alan Peter Cayetano, has just dropped his latest theological-political thesis on Friday, May 15, 2026.

Following a literal shooting incident inside the Senate, Alan Peter did what any "Ambassador of Christ" would do: he grabbed the microphone, pointed his finger at the Minority, and asked the ultimate deep, philosophical question: “Since when did changing a Senate President become a crime?”

1. Alan Peter is genuinely offended that people are linking his sudden, Bato-assisted rise to power with the current atmosphere of absolute chaos.

-The Logic: In the Dictionary, according to Cayetano, staging a coup on the exact day of a Vice Presidential impeachment, bringing a fugitive senator out of a six-month hibernation to cast the deciding vote, and replacing Tito Sotto is just "standard office reorganization."

It’s like switching the coffee brand in the pantry. Why is everyone making a big deal out of it?

-The Satire: To ask "When did it become a crime?" is a stroke of rhetorical genius.

No, Alan, it’s not a crime in the Revised Penal Code. But usually, when a bank gets robbed, people look at the guy who suddenly bought a sports car the next day.

You can't change the locks on the building, watch the windows shatter, and then ask, "Why is everyone blaming the new locksmith?"

2. In a spectacular display of psychological projection that deserves an Olympic medal, Cayetano accused the Minority of being obsessed with 2028 and political ambition.

-The Accusation: “To those of you in the minority, 2028 is more important to you. The Senate Presidency is more important to you than the lives of your colleagues!”

-The Irony: This is coming from a man who has run for Vice President, dreamed of the Presidency, held the Speakership, held the Senate Presidency, and treats the year 2028 like it’s the promised land.

He is accusing Risa Hontiveros and Bam Aquino of being power-hungry because... they went home at 5:58 PM instead of staying behind to film content during a security breach.

3. Alan Peter is also deeply hurt by the narrative that the Senate became a chaotic circus only after he took the gavel.

-The Defensive: “But you're willing to join the narrative… to say that since I got there, magulo ang Senate?”

-The Reality Check: Let’s look at the timeline. Before May 11: the Senate is relatively quiet, debating bills, doing hearings.

After May 11: Coup d'état, Bato sprinting up the stairs to escape the NBI, a hostage-like "Sanctuary" protocol, and literal gunshots echoing during a Majority caucus on May 13.

-The Verdict: Correlation does not equal causation, Alan, but you have to admit—the "vibes" changed the exact moment you sat in that chair.

It’s like a guy walking into a room, the building immediately catching fire, and him saying, "Oh, so you're just going to blame me because I’m holding a flamethrower?"

4. Cayetano also claims the Minority doesn't care about the lives of Senate employees. This is a fascinating take from the same man who defended the "sanctity of life" during the Drug War by telling international media that 7,000 dead bodies were just "properly scrutinized police operations."

Now, he’s deeply concerned about the trauma of the majority caucus that was reportedly enjoying a jovial dinner with Jonvic Remulla while the chaos unfolded.

The Final Script -According to SP Cayetano, the sequence of events is perfectly normal, legal, and holy.
You execute a coup.

The building descends into an absolute security nightmare.

You blame the people who weren't even in the room for "prior knowledge" and "ambition."

You cite a Bible verse.

Changing a Senate President isn't a crime. But pretending that a political power-grab to protect a dynasty has "nothing to do with politics" is a felony against the intelligence of the Filipino people.

Changing a Senate President isn't a crime. But after hell broke loose, and having your words and your thoughts peppered with nothing but Biblical, that will make a bishop or a priest listening turn crimson.

What is more infuriating is having photos kneeling down as if you are the new ordained senator ... and decorating your office with Psalm 23:4 is just too cringey for comfort.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

There!

New Defnitions: Escaping Means He Choose To Leave and Forthwith Means Maybe Next Year

We are now living in a world where English words are being butchered, spin-doctored, and manipulated to suit one's narrative and capricious whims.
As the country waits for the impeachment of Vice President Sara Duterte to move forward, we find ourselves back in a familiar loop.

Just last year, it was former Senate President Chiz Escudero performing semantic gymnastics with the word "forthwith."

Now, we have Senate President Alan Peter Cayetano taking the baton and running—not away, mind you, but "choosing to leave"—with the same modus operandi.

In the 1987 Constitution, "forthwith" is a fairly aggressive word. It means "immediately," "without delay," or "right now." It is the verbal equivalent of a parent disciplining her son by counting one to three.

-The Escudero Edit: Under SP Chiz, "forthwith" was redefined as a philosophical concept. It became a mood, a suggestion, a distant destination that we might reach if the stars align and the political winds blow exactly at 15 knots.

-The Cayetano Remix: Now, SP Cayetano is treating "forthwith" like a slow-cooker recipe. He says the Senate will act, but apparently, his "immediately" includes a mandatory 40-day period of fasting, prayer, and waiting for the Majority to finish their dinner with the Remullas.

The peak of this linguistic circus occurred when reporters asked if Senator Bato dela Rosa "escaped" the NBI during that cinematic "Philippine Senate Under Attack."

-The Cayetano Response: "He didn't escape... he chose to leave."

-The Satire: This is a revolutionary breakthrough in criminal justice.

-If a Bato runs out the back door, he isn't a fugitive, not yet. Because the Senate doesn't honor warrants from the ICC."

-If Bato jumps over the Senate fence to skip arrest, he was not resisting arrest; he "opted for an alternative exit strategy."

-If Bato is running up the stairs while NBI agents are shouting his name, he’s not fleeing; he’s just in a sprint mood.

-If Bato disappeared from the Senate at almost 2 AM of Mat 15, he did not escape ... he chose to leave.

Ginagago ba tayo ng mga senador?

The short answer: Yes, but they’re doing it with "Constitutional Fidelity."

Our politicians treat the Filipino public like we’re reading a different dictionary. To them, words are not tools for communication; they are smoke grenades ... otherwise known as euphemisms - the polite way of saying it.

-Corruption becomes "unintentional budget misalignment."

-Betrayal becomes "strategic political realignment."

-A Coup becomes "a divine transition of leadership."

-Hiding in the Senate becomes "seeking institutional sanctuary for the preservation of democratic balance."

Cayetano is using the same playbook as his predecessor Chiz ... because it works.

If you change the definition of "forthwith," you can delay the impeachment trial until 2028, by which time everyone will be so confused by the vocabulary that we’ll forget why we were angry in the first place.

They aren't just protecting a Vice President; they are protecting the right to be "Creatively Truthful."

In this Senate, "Yes" means "Perhaps," "No" means "Not until I check with Davao," and "Accountability" is a word that was accidentally deleted during a software update.

The Senate should probably stop pretending to follow the Constitution and just release a "Cayetano-to-English Dictionary." Example entry would be:

-Word: Accountability (noun)

-Definition: a state of being where a Senator is asked questions and replies with a Bible verse and a ₱125-million-peso shrug.

So when a politician tells you Bato is not "escaping," they are telling you that they think your IQ is lower than the price of a Buy-One-Take-One pizza.

At kung sinasabihan kayo ng senador ninyo na itago ang CCTV—ibig sabihin niya, make sure na walang makakuha.

Kayo talaga ang likot ng pag-iisip ninyo.

Pero teka lang… usually ang mga CCTV ay nakapuwesto sa isang mataas na lugar. Kung may kukuha pa diyan ... tiyak huli ka ... sa dami ba naman ng tao doon?

Sonny Trillanes is A Probiotic

 

One alert reader made this sterling observation. He said in the world of Philippine politics, where biological warfare is being used to infect the minds of the Filipino people ... there are  live microorganisms—often called "friendly" or "good" bacteria—that provide health benefits when consumed in adequate amounts or applied to the body.

He observed in his personal pathology lab a specimen that defies the laws of legislative biology. 

He’s an unstoppable, highly fermented bacterium named Sonny Trillanes.

If UP Manila hasn’t put him under a microscope yet, they are missing out on the greatest medical mystery of the century.

Most politicians are like viruses—they infect, they multiply, and eventually, the body develops an immunity, or they just fade away. 

But Sonny? Sonny is probiotic.

Sonny Trillanes is exactly like that cup of yogurt you find at the back of your fridge. You didn’t buy it recently. You didn't invite it. But there it is—sour, thick, and incredibly persistent.

The moment Sonny Trillanes appears in the Senate lobby, the entire country has a collective realization: "Ptang in*. Something happened here!"

You don't see Sonny when things are going well. You see Sonny when the political milk in the Senate has curdled. He is the physical manifestation of a "weird smell" in the hallways of power.

There is a strange scientific pattern here: Moisture first, then Sonny. 

-The Observation: For a man named "Bato" (Rock), Senator Dela Rosa has been remarkably damp lately. 

He’s sweating. He’s crying. He’s leaking anxiety from every pore.

-The Analysis: Why? Because Trillanes is standing nearby, looking at him with the cold, clinical gaze of a man who has already color-coded Bato’s future mugshot. 

You can almost hear the Senate’s collective stomach acids churning: "We are sick, Alan! The political intestines are failing!"

The most dangerous man in the Philippines is not the one with the private army; it’s the man with no visible civilian hobbies.

-Other Politicians: They golf. They collect vintage watches. They have mistresses. They go fishing in Subic. They have lives that require them to occasionally "chill out."

-Sonny Trillanes: His only hobby is your downfall. He spends 24 uninterrupted hours a day imagining scenarios where Bato wakes up at 3:00 AM because he heard a spoon tap against a saucer in the kitchen and thought it was the NBI.

And the terrifying part? Bato would check. Sonny doesn't need a shift. He doesn't need a weekend. He is a perpetual-motion machine of spite and subpoenas.

Most politicians follow a very natural, "upholstered" aging process. They enter the Senate angry and radical, and ten years later, they are "statesmen." 

They become softer, rounder, and start calling their mortal enemies "Ninong" at weddings. They become "bridge-builders."

Not Sonny. Twenty years in politics has only made him more... Sonny. 

He is like a banana that refuses to become banana bread. He just gets more yellow, more banana-smelling, and more aggressively banana-shaped. 

He refuses to "move forward together." He refuses to mellow. He is a "System Update" that you’ve ignored for 20 years, and now your entire political OS is crashing because of it.

The Philippine government has spent two decades trying to classify him. Is he a mutineer? A traitor? An epal? A hero? 

The country has finally realized the truth: He is the immune system.

Every administration follows the same Five Stages of Sonny:

1. Doubt: "He's just a crazy mutineer."

2. Anger: "Investigate him! Flatten him! Put him in jail!"

3. Bargaining: "Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go play golf."

4. Depression: "He just won a Senate seat from a jail cell. How?"

5. Acceptance: "Wait... everything he said three years ago is actually happening now."

For twenty years, we called Sonny Trillanes "annoying." We complained that he was "too much." 

We wished he would just find a hobby—maybe pick up pickleball or start a garden.

But as the ICC warrants fly and the "Renaissance" politicians start sprinting up the stairs, the country is starting to realize: The annoyance was the point. 

You don't want a "mellow" immune system. You want the kind of bacteria that is so sour, so fermented, and so powerful that it makes the salmonella of corruption think twice before entering the fridge.

This is what I discovered.  If you see yogurt in the Senate, check your expiration date. 

Because Sonny Trillanes is right again, and he has 24 hours a day to remind you of it.

The Morning After Blame Game

The Morning After Blame Game

It is 5"58 PM ... the Senate session was adjourned ... and it is time for the senators to go home. That's exactly what Risa Hontiveros, Bam Aquino, Kiko Pangilinan, Ping Lacson, and Tito Sotto did.

According to the internet’s most creative "fact-creators," these five senators didn't just go home after a long day of work on May 13, 2026.

No, they apparently have a crystal ball that allowed them to see that gunshots would ring out at 7:40 PM, and they have to"flee" at 5:58 PM (or else)—that's roughly 102 minutes before the action started.

In the corporate world, leaving at 6:00 PM when the session adjourns is called "efficient time management." In the Senate "DuDirty" Multiverse, they rebrand it as "Prior Knowledge."

-The Logic: If you leave your office when it closes, you are a co-conspirator. If you choose to stay ... you play the victim ... and you were under attack.

-The New Rule: To prove you aren't part of a plot, you must stay in the building until at least midnight, preferably hiding under a desk, just in case a security breach happens.

If you go home to be with your family, you’ve clearly been "tipped off," ... warned ... alerted ... and received advance information—about something that is going to happen.

While the Minority is being roasted for following a clock, let’s look at the "Majority" who stayed behind.

Reports indicate that while the shots were being fired, the Majority was busy enjoying a casual dinner with Jonvic Remulla.

-The Vibe Check: The way they look at pictures, there is nothing that says "imminent security threat". They have a three-course meal and a casual chat with the DILG Secretary.

As Madam Aimee reported on her Facebook: "Oh, they are already drilling in the building, but she looks as calm and as cool as a cucumber while continuing to record the footage."

"If I probably got showered with bullets... I'd dive immediately into the nearest foxhole."

Wize Estabillo wizely said ... "Fires were already shot ... but Sen Aimee managed to look for the right hashtags in her live broadcast. Para trending ... Sayang ang kita sa Meta."

-The Satire: The Majority (the Dudirty senators) didn't "flee" because they enjoyed acting and playing as online vloggers ... turning the scenario into a social media backdrop.

While the Minority was likely stuck in the snail-paced traffic or eating dinner at home, the Majority was "bravely" documenting the chaos for their Facebook Lives.

It’s hard to believe they were "traumatized" when they enjoy checking their ring light and making sure the "shots fired" caption has the right emojis.

The best part of this narrative is how President Bongbong Marcos himself accidentally sabotaged the script of their improvised drama.

By releasing a video statement clarifying that neither the PNP nor the NBI initiated the shooting, he effectively killed the "State-Orchestrated Tip-Off" theory.

-The Dilemma: If the state didn't do it, who "tipped off" the Minority? Did they get a WhatsApp message from a "mysterious external force" that said, "Uwi na kayo ng 6 PM kasi may magaganap na sirkus ng 7:40 PM"?

-The Logical Wall: You cannot claim the opposition is part of a state plot when the head of state is busy saying, "It wasn't us."

The trolls are currently trying to climb a vertical wall of lies, but they keep slipping on the President’s own official statements.

Legally, you need evidence. Logically, you need a motive.

-The Evidence: A timestamp. 5:58 PM.

-The Motive: Hunger? A desire to avoid the traffic and the rush hour?

-The Troll Theory: "They knew!"

-The Satire: This is a "vertical climb up a wall of lies" indeed. To prosecute a narrative based on an "early departure" is to admit that your investigative skills are roughly on par with a toddler playing "I Spy."

The Minority left because the job was done. The Majority stayed because there was a buffet and a chance to be seen on camera.

In the Philippines, the only thing more dangerous than a security breach is a politician who knows how to use "Live" features during a crisis.

If you want to look "innocent," you apparently have to stay in the building until the walls fall down, or at least until you've finished your dessert with Jonvic.

The picture says it all. The Senate was under attack ... (the senate president was almost pleading for people to believe him) ... "but they don't look stressed at all," the netizens are complaining.

They said: "emotions are high," ... but their demeanor does not match the emotion they show.

One word to the wise: for the pictures to be believable ... you have to act like it. When you say emotions are high ... you don't need to smile or find your best angle when you pose for the camera.

Nagkaratratan na nga ... naka-pose pa sila? Ham actors ... flawed script ... or bad directing?