To continue solving family disputes... a word for the wise ... don't cross the blame game bridge. A blame game is a situation in which one or more parties blame others for something bad or unfortunate rather than attempting to seek a solution.
Why does someone play blame games? They do that for fear that owning their mistakes or taking responsibility for an error could negatively impact how they are perceived. A lot of people I know resort to this defense mechanism - they flaunt their abilities by blaming others and making no move to improve themselves. The arrogant are some of the hardest people to reach when it comes to making them own or facing responsibilities.
So when a family council is called to patch up a conflict these are the things that we need to remember.
1. Stay in the positive zone ... and that includes your language and your body language. Avoid using words that blame or accuse or belittle.
2. Avoid name-calling or being judgemental with a tone that can be misconstrued as hostile. Accusatory tones will make them become on guard and resistant, and a possible counter-attack can be launched which will lead to a free-for-all melee of verbal punches.
3. Keep your voice decibels on a descrescendo ... not loud or contentious. Put yourself in the other party's psychological shoes - that you don't like to be yelled out yourself. Or accused of something ... or being name-called. And use words that emphasize your conciliatory moves and let them see your attempts at winning them back.
If you have to ask me ... I think the most impactful way to diffuse tension is to let everybody know that making an error or mistake is a learning opportunity ... if I have to admit my own mistakes without getting defensive ... and then share with them what I learned after making this mistake ...the faster the resolution of the conflict will be. Don't you think?
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