The War On Drugs: A Pro Life Campaign?

If you have logged onto any social media platform over the last 48 hours, the trending consensus among Filipino netizens is loud, clear, and unedited: #OustAlanPeter.

Following a disastrous week of institutional collapses, midnight escapes, and ceiling-gecko shootouts, Senate President Alan Peter Cayetano decided the best way to cool down an angry populace was to keep talking.

He has held press conferences left and right, appearing on every available screen like an unskippable ad.

But much like throwing gasoline on a kitchen fire, the more he explains, the more furious the public becomes.

The peak of this rhetorical comedy occurred during a Facebook Live session where Alan Peter pulled out Pokémon Trading Cards to explain the country's moral decay. Let’s review the extraordinary logic of the Senate's lead game master.

In his viral live stream, Alan Peter held up his shiny cards to lecture "the youth" about a dark shift in the universe. He lamented the rise of evil, the erosion of respect for parents, and the tragic existence of the "Fallen Man" who brought chaos to the land.

[ ALAN'S LATEST EXPANSION DECK ]
* Card Name: The Fallen Man
* Base Attack: 3D Kabastusan (Vulgarity)
* Special Ability: Normalize Rape Jokes & Curse the Pope
* Passive Effect: Automatically turns citizens into loyal "Zombies."

-The Dramatic Irony: Netizens immediately choked on their
Morning coffee. Alan Peter spent an hour crying about how
Filipinos have become coarse, vulgar, and disrespectful—seemingly
completely oblivious to the fact that the absolute blueprint for
this 3D kabastusan was his own former boss, Rodrigo Duterte.

-The Root of the Decay: He laments a broken moral fiber while ignoring that the normalization of violence, the mocking of
God, and the degradation of women didn’t drop from the sky—it
came straight from the Davao television broadcasts, he spent
years defending.

The system didn't just break; the Dutertes built an assembly line that created thousands of mini-Dutertes and political zombies, and Alan Peter was the marketing director.

During his card game lecture, Alan Peter warned the youth about "bad people who desperately want to preserve the status quo."

-The Mirror Check: Netizens quickly pointed out that if Alan Peter wants to find the people preserving the status quo of impunity, he doesn’t need a psychic-type Pokémon; he just needs to look at the 13 Judases sitting in his own majority bloc.

-The True Status Quo: These are thirteen senators currently holding file folders at the Ombudsman for corruption and plunder. This is the exact status quo they are protecting: the continuation of systemic theft, structural impunity, and the absolute silencing of government critics.

-The Paper Trail: It suddenly makes perfect sense why this exact majority bloc conveniently refused to sign the Blue Ribbon Committee investigation into the ₱500-billion flood control scam.

Why investigate an infrastructure fund when you can spend that time talking about Charizard?

If his Facebook Live was a comedy, Alan Peter’s interview with Al Jazeera years back was a full-blown psychological thriller.

In a spectacular display of verbal acrobatics, Cayetano looked a foreign journalist in the eye and proudly declared that Duterte’s bloody war on drugs was actually a "pro-life campaign."

Let’s look at the actual transcript breakdown of this international embarrassment:

Alan Peter: "The war on drugs is a pro-life campaign. No one is making excuses for extrajudicial killings. Filipinos are very spiritual and believe in the dignity of life."

Al Jazeera Host: "So the United States government, human rights organizations, and the Catholic Church are all just biased against the Philippines?"

Alan Peter: "Yes."

-The Body Count Math: To claim that the slaughter of over 30,000 human beings—dismissed by his buddy Bato dela Rosa as "shit happens"—is "pro-life" is a level of gaslighting that defies human comprehension.

Since when does a human rights campaign involve shooting civilians on sight and planting rusty handguns to claim they "fought back" (nanlaban)?

The public’s collective response was unanimous: Ginagago mo ba kami, Alan? (Are you making fools out of us, Alan?)

The END does not, and will never, justify the MEANS (the mass murder of poor communities)

When pressed about the 16,000 suspicious deaths recorded between 2011 and 2013 under the previous administration, Alan Peter tried to rewrite the dictionary:

-The Cayetano Doctrine: He argued that the previous administration maliciously restricted the definition of an Extrajudicial Killing (EJK) to include only union leaders, religious figures, or journalists.

-The Reset: According to Alan, when Duterte took over, they generously reverted to the "old definition." Therefore, those 16,000 previous deaths were suddenly just regular "drug-related homicides" not caused by the police.

Al Jazeera Host: "How do you know that? You didn't try them. You didn't prosecute them. You didn't charge them. You shot them on sight. That is not a democratic way of solving crime."

Alan Peter: (Sweating visibly) "You're talking as if you're on the ground!

Al Jazeera Host: Can we ever trust the Philippines?"Gaslighting, anyone?"

Alan Peter wanted to use a children's card game to show that life has consequences. He was right.

The consequence of spending a week acting as a spiritual shield for a fugitive, lying to international journalists, and trying to pass off a bloody drug war as pro-life... is that the entire country wants you to resign.

You cannot wash your hands of the blood of 30,000 people using a holographic water energy card. Netizens aren't angry because they don't understand your Pokémon analogy.

Alan—they are angry because they see through the theater.