Paolo Marcoleta: He wants Attention ... He Get It 100 Percent

In the revered halls of the House of Representatives (where you found a profound sense of awe), the impeachment hearing of Vice President Sara Duterte has officially pivoted a 180-degree turn - the eerie feeling of deep reverence and respect has changed in an instant, disintegrating into a "putso putso" variety show.

I couldn't imagine how the HOR bigwigs have prepared for this big event after being pooh-poohed last year for lack of due process and encroaching on 1 year bar rule.

I also could not understand the mechanics of how Cong Luistro stomached accepting this damned if you do .... damned if you don't job)

For sure, she is losing her sanity in the process, as she meticulously follows the Supreme Court's major suggestions to the letter on how to do the ABC of impeachment proceedings.

They can't afford a repeat of last year's debacle, and getting a stamp of approval from SC is all they need.

So they have to do well, keeping in mind that they have to adhere to and execute their guidelines.

I almost lost count of how many times the Justice Committee was frantically trying to reach the VP and also the Office Of The Vice President, and presumably getting nothing but a voicemail recording of someone crunching on Mary Grace Piattos.

The real "pasavogue," however, was not what we discussed in our intro.

It was provided by the man, the myth, the uninvited guest: Rep. Paolo Marcoleta.

Some netizens are beginning to wonder because of their strong resemblance and demeanor, they asked:" Was he the son of Rodante Marcoleta? "

Did you see how audacious and sanctimonious ... he was?

Marcoleta has pioneered a new legislative hobby: Procedural Party Crashing.

Not being a member of the committee, he possesses a supernatural ability to materialize whenever a microphone is live and a debate is brewing. He has perfect timing, too.

Netizens are split on his motivation:
The "Loyalist" Theory: He’s doing it for Sara.

The "Main Character" Theory: He’s doing it for himself.

Like a legislative version of a "chip off the old block" (shoutout to the Barzagas and Levistes of the world), Marcoleta has decided that when the rest of the room is wearing yellow, he’s going to wear neon plaid—just to be different.

He claims he’s doing it for "The Filipino People," but at this point, the Filipino people are mostly getting tired of his father's antics, having two Marcoletas in the Senate, and the HOR is a hard pill to swallow.

His performance today was cringeworthy, causing acute embarrassment and awkwardness even from the most jaded netizen.

Marcoleta unleashed a flurry of "arguments" so baffling that one of his colleagues eventually had to perform a legal mercy killing, moving to have everything he said stricken from the record.

When faced with the prospect of his words being erased from history, Marcoleta—ever the comedian—quipped: "Baka wala nang matira?" (Maybe nothing will be left?)

Give the man a trophy for honesty! It was a moment of rare self-awareness.

If you strike out the grandstanding, the interruptions, and the "main character" monologues, the transcript of his contribution would indeed be very clean and very empty.

The father-and-son tag team is a tragicomedy.

Rodante Marcoleta was once known as a "de campanilla" lawyer, a man whose baritone voice could command a room.

But somewhere between the ABS-CBN shutdown and the "Piattos" defense, the father chose a different career path: Professional Caricature.

Now the son is following his footsteps like they were Siamese twins.

In Paolo's experience yesterday ... he doesn't mind being the laughingstock as long as he’s the center of the laughter.

The Goal: 100% attention.

The Result: 100% achieved.

The Cost: A reputation that is now less "No-Nonsense Congressman" and more "Court Jester of the Lower House."

He kept on saying he was just manifesting and reacting to what he had heard. But who believes him?

He was reading his reactions - in other words, those reactions have long been done ... even before the hearing started. One netizen jokes ... his reactions were done by the father.

Despite several congressmen arguing with him—essentially trying to tell him that he doesn't even work here (in this committee)—Marcoleta remained unstoppable.

He is the legislative equivalent of that one uncle at the wedding who wasn't invited to the speech portion but somehow ends up with the microphone and a 20-minute story about his gallbladder surgery.

As the impeachment moves forward toward its April 14 climax, one thing is certain: the "Piattos" might be fictitious, the "Marines" might be AWOL, but Marcoleta’s need for the spotlight is the most verifiable fact in the building.

In the House of Representatives, you can be a lawmaker, or you can be a meme.

Marcoleta has made his choice, and unfortunately for the record-keepers, there isn't enough "white-out" in the world to keep up with him.

Senator Bong Go: Pa Victim

While 'normalcy' remains elusive for many, Senator Bong Go claims to have unlocked the path to a renewed comeback for national recovery.

What we experience right now ... he likened it to a long, painful commercial break, just waiting for the 'Duterte 2' sequel to hit the marquee ... starring, of course, VP Sara.

Here is a look at the "Normal Life" we are all supposedly missing so much.

1. The "Back to Normal" Starter Pack
According to the Gospel of Bong Go, "Normal" isn't a state of mind.

Once VP Sara takes the helm, the following "normal" occurrences will miraculously return:

The Great Homecoming: Harry Roque can finally stop his world tour of "Not-a-Fugitive" hideouts and come home to a red carpet.

The Guest List: Michael Yang returns as the Economic Adviser, because nothing says "National Interest" like a guy who treated the Pharmally funds like a personal piggy bank.

The Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Cards: Gerald Bantag and Alice Guo (if she’s still around) can finally breathe that sweet, unfiltered air of "Absolution."

The Entertainment Sector: E-Sabong and POGOs will rise like a phoenix from the ashes, ensuring that every Filipino has the constitutional right to lose their life savings from the comfort of their smartphone.

2. "We" vs. "They."
The most hilarious part of the Senator’s sentiment is the use of the word "TAYO" (Us) masquerading as a facade for KAMI (the special WE group). See the difference between TAYO and KAMI?

For the Rest of Us
-Normal means lower rice prices and translatable jeepney routes.
-Normal means having to eat three times a day and a roof over our head.
-Normal means being able to go out at night without fear of being mugged.

For their "Circle of Friends"
-Normal means having a direct line to the Malacañang kitchen.
-Normal means the ICC being treated like a spam caller.
-Normal means "Confidential Funds" appearing like magic tricks.

Let’s be real: when Bong Go says "we" can go back to normal, he’s talking about that very specific group of people who currently feel like they’re living in an alternate reality where they actually have to follow rules.

"It’s not a national crisis, Senator; it’s just a lifestyle change.

You’re not a victim of 'abnormal times'; you’re just experiencing the tragic side effect of an expired 'unlimited power' subscription."

Senator, we appreciate the concern for our "normalcy."

But for most Filipinos, your "Normal" looks suspiciously like a high-budget sequel to a movie we already walked out of.

If "Normal" means the return of Ghost Projects and the absolution of every "Biscaya" couple in the archipelago, maybe we’re actually quite happy being a little "abnormal" for a while.

After all, the only thing "Normal" about that plan is the audacity.