New Defnitions: Escaping Means He Choose To Leave and Forthwith Means Maybe Next Year

We are now living in a world where English words are being butchered, spin-doctored, and manipulated to suit one's narrative and capricious whims.
As the country waits for the impeachment of Vice President Sara Duterte to move forward, we find ourselves back in a familiar loop.

Just last year, it was former Senate President Chiz Escudero performing semantic gymnastics with the word "forthwith."

Now, we have Senate President Alan Peter Cayetano taking the baton and running—not away, mind you, but "choosing to leave"—with the same modus operandi.

In the 1987 Constitution, "forthwith" is a fairly aggressive word. It means "immediately," "without delay," or "right now." It is the verbal equivalent of a parent disciplining her son by counting one to three.

-The Escudero Edit: Under SP Chiz, "forthwith" was redefined as a philosophical concept. It became a mood, a suggestion, a distant destination that we might reach if the stars align and the political winds blow exactly at 15 knots.

-The Cayetano Remix: Now, SP Cayetano is treating "forthwith" like a slow-cooker recipe. He says the Senate will act, but apparently, his "immediately" includes a mandatory 40-day period of fasting, prayer, and waiting for the Majority to finish their dinner with the Remullas.

The peak of this linguistic circus occurred when reporters asked if Senator Bato dela Rosa "escaped" the NBI during that cinematic "Philippine Senate Under Attack."

-The Cayetano Response: "He didn't escape... he chose to leave."

-The Satire: This is a revolutionary breakthrough in criminal justice.

-If a Bato runs out the back door, he isn't a fugitive, not yet. Because the Senate doesn't honor warrants from the ICC."

-If Bato jumps over the Senate fence to skip arrest, he was not resisting arrest; he "opted for an alternative exit strategy."

-If Bato is running up the stairs while NBI agents are shouting his name, he’s not fleeing; he’s just in a sprint mood.

-If Bato disappeared from the Senate at almost 2 AM of Mat 15, he did not escape ... he chose to leave.

Ginagago ba tayo ng mga senador?

The short answer: Yes, but they’re doing it with "Constitutional Fidelity."

Our politicians treat the Filipino public like we’re reading a different dictionary. To them, words are not tools for communication; they are smoke grenades ... otherwise known as euphemisms - the polite way of saying it.

-Corruption becomes "unintentional budget misalignment."

-Betrayal becomes "strategic political realignment."

-A Coup becomes "a divine transition of leadership."

-Hiding in the Senate becomes "seeking institutional sanctuary for the preservation of democratic balance."

Cayetano is using the same playbook as his predecessor Chiz ... because it works.

If you change the definition of "forthwith," you can delay the impeachment trial until 2028, by which time everyone will be so confused by the vocabulary that we’ll forget why we were angry in the first place.

They aren't just protecting a Vice President; they are protecting the right to be "Creatively Truthful."

In this Senate, "Yes" means "Perhaps," "No" means "Not until I check with Davao," and "Accountability" is a word that was accidentally deleted during a software update.

The Senate should probably stop pretending to follow the Constitution and just release a "Cayetano-to-English Dictionary." Example entry would be:

-Word: Accountability (noun)

-Definition: a state of being where a Senator is asked questions and replies with a Bible verse and a ₱125-million-peso shrug.

So when a politician tells you Bato is not "escaping," they are telling you that they think your IQ is lower than the price of a Buy-One-Take-One pizza.

At kung sinasabihan kayo ng senador ninyo na itago ang CCTV—ibig sabihin niya, make sure na walang makakuha.

Kayo talaga ang likot ng pag-iisip ninyo.

Pero teka lang… usually ang mga CCTV ay nakapuwesto sa isang mataas na lugar. Kung may kukuha pa diyan ... tiyak huli ka ... sa dami ba naman ng tao doon?

Sonny Trillanes is A Probiotic

 

One alert reader made this sterling observation. He said in the world of Philippine politics, where biological warfare is being used to infect the minds of the Filipino people ... there are  live microorganisms—often called "friendly" or "good" bacteria—that provide health benefits when consumed in adequate amounts or applied to the body.

He observed in his personal pathology lab a specimen that defies the laws of legislative biology. 

He’s an unstoppable, highly fermented bacterium named Sonny Trillanes.

If UP Manila hasn’t put him under a microscope yet, they are missing out on the greatest medical mystery of the century.

Most politicians are like viruses—they infect, they multiply, and eventually, the body develops an immunity, or they just fade away. 

But Sonny? Sonny is probiotic.

Sonny Trillanes is exactly like that cup of yogurt you find at the back of your fridge. You didn’t buy it recently. You didn't invite it. But there it is—sour, thick, and incredibly persistent.

The moment Sonny Trillanes appears in the Senate lobby, the entire country has a collective realization: "Ptang in*. Something happened here!"

You don't see Sonny when things are going well. You see Sonny when the political milk in the Senate has curdled. He is the physical manifestation of a "weird smell" in the hallways of power.

There is a strange scientific pattern here: Moisture first, then Sonny. 

-The Observation: For a man named "Bato" (Rock), Senator Dela Rosa has been remarkably damp lately. 

He’s sweating. He’s crying. He’s leaking anxiety from every pore.

-The Analysis: Why? Because Trillanes is standing nearby, looking at him with the cold, clinical gaze of a man who has already color-coded Bato’s future mugshot. 

You can almost hear the Senate’s collective stomach acids churning: "We are sick, Alan! The political intestines are failing!"

The most dangerous man in the Philippines is not the one with the private army; it’s the man with no visible civilian hobbies.

-Other Politicians: They golf. They collect vintage watches. They have mistresses. They go fishing in Subic. They have lives that require them to occasionally "chill out."

-Sonny Trillanes: His only hobby is your downfall. He spends 24 uninterrupted hours a day imagining scenarios where Bato wakes up at 3:00 AM because he heard a spoon tap against a saucer in the kitchen and thought it was the NBI.

And the terrifying part? Bato would check. Sonny doesn't need a shift. He doesn't need a weekend. He is a perpetual-motion machine of spite and subpoenas.

Most politicians follow a very natural, "upholstered" aging process. They enter the Senate angry and radical, and ten years later, they are "statesmen." 

They become softer, rounder, and start calling their mortal enemies "Ninong" at weddings. They become "bridge-builders."

Not Sonny. Twenty years in politics has only made him more... Sonny. 

He is like a banana that refuses to become banana bread. He just gets more yellow, more banana-smelling, and more aggressively banana-shaped. 

He refuses to "move forward together." He refuses to mellow. He is a "System Update" that you’ve ignored for 20 years, and now your entire political OS is crashing because of it.

The Philippine government has spent two decades trying to classify him. Is he a mutineer? A traitor? An epal? A hero? 

The country has finally realized the truth: He is the immune system.

Every administration follows the same Five Stages of Sonny:

1. Doubt: "He's just a crazy mutineer."

2. Anger: "Investigate him! Flatten him! Put him in jail!"

3. Bargaining: "Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go play golf."

4. Depression: "He just won a Senate seat from a jail cell. How?"

5. Acceptance: "Wait... everything he said three years ago is actually happening now."

For twenty years, we called Sonny Trillanes "annoying." We complained that he was "too much." 

We wished he would just find a hobby—maybe pick up pickleball or start a garden.

But as the ICC warrants fly and the "Renaissance" politicians start sprinting up the stairs, the country is starting to realize: The annoyance was the point. 

You don't want a "mellow" immune system. You want the kind of bacteria that is so sour, so fermented, and so powerful that it makes the salmonella of corruption think twice before entering the fridge.

This is what I discovered.  If you see yogurt in the Senate, check your expiration date. 

Because Sonny Trillanes is right again, and he has 24 hours a day to remind you of it.