Why Crises Are Only Crises When Sara Is In Trouble

 

Something new is being taught in the Senate - the School of Selective Urgency, where the curriculum is flexible, the history books are written in disappearing ink, and the definition of a "National Crisis" changes faster than a vlogger’s opinion on a painting.

We are currently witnessing a breathtaking performance by Senators Robin Padilla and Imee Marcos, who have suddenly pivoted from "Lawmakers" to "International Relations Experts." 

Their main concern? An impeachment hearing during a global crisis (the tensions between the U.S. and Iran).

"How can you afford to do an impeachment in the middle of a crisis?" they ask, with the somber faces of people who have never, in their entire careers, witnessed a crisis before. 

It’s touching, really. It’s almost enough to make one forget that we live in a country where "Crisis" is essentially our middle name.

We almost believed them—we really did!—until our memories kicked in.

Cast your minds back to the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Remember that? 

A tiny, invisible virus that brought the entire world to its knees. Did our leaders suddenly clutch their pearls and cry, "Oh, heavens! We cannot have a crisis during a crisis! Let us not distract the people with a network shutdown!"

Of course not! When PRRD decided to pull the plug on ABS-CBN, the "Crisis Timing" rule was mysteriously suspended.

 Apparently, shutting down the country’s largest news and entertainment source during a lockdown—stripping thousands of jobs and depriving the public of information—wasn't a "distraction." 

It was just a bit of "spring cleaning" for our airwaves.

Back then, the crisis was apparently the perfect time to settle political scores. 

But today? Today, an impeachment is a "crass distraction" from a war happening thousands of miles away.

And let’s talk about the Vice President’s travel schedule, shall we?

We’ve all played the game: Typhoon hits the Philippines, the country is underwater, and the VP is… Checking the departure boards. 

For the average Filipino, the option during a typhoon is "Stay and suffer." For the VP, the option is "Stay or Leave?" And guess what? 

The frequent flyer miles don’t lie. When the winds are howling, and the relief goods are needed, she has mastered the art of vanishing into the sunset, leaving us to wonder: Does she care? 

But heaven forbid we try to impeach her during a "crisis."

 Apparently, the sanctity of her office is far more sensitive than the sanity of the Filipino people during a natural disaster.

The sudden evolution of Robin and Imee into "Concerned Humanitarians" is a masterclass in satire.

• Robin, the Action Star: Who would have thought he’d become the primary defender of "Legislative Calm"?

• Imee, the Historian: Who would have thought she’d become the arbiter of "Proper Timing"?

They claim impeachment is "politically inconvenient" during a crisis. 

Let’s translate that: "It is inconvenient for US." When the crisis hits the people, it’s business as usual." 

When the crisis hits the ruling family, it’s a "Global Emergency that threatens the Republic."

The lesson here is simple: In the Philippine political ecosystem, a "crisis" is not an objective reality. It is a Political Accessory. 

You wear it when you need to delay an impeachment hearing, you ignore it when you need to shut down a network, and you pack it in your suitcase when you need a vacation abroad.

If you want to know if you're living in a crisis, just check the political alignment of the person in the hot seat. 

If they’re a Duterte, it’s a "Time for Unity!" If they’re an opponent, it’s "You're On Your Own."