Tuwod Ma Daan

Ah, parenting—the ultimate balancing act between love and discipline, where every decision feels like a high-stakes game of chess.

And what better advice to follow than the age-old wisdom: “Kapag mali ang anak mo, ituwid mo. Huwag mong kampihan; iyon ang tamang pagmamahal sa anak para di siya maligaw ng landas.”

Translated, that means: “When your child is wrong, correct them. Don’t take their side; that’s the right way to love them so they don’t stray from the path.”

Let’s unpack this gem of parental advice, shall we?

First off, the idea of “ituwid” (to correct) suggests that parenting is like a human GPS.

“Recalculating route!

Your current path leads to a life of bad decisions and questionable friends!”

Imagine the look on your child’s face when you whip out your metaphorical map and start recalibrating their life choices.

“Sorry, kiddo, but that new friend you made? They’re a detour to disaster!

Let’s get back on track!”

Now, the advice to “huwag mong kampihan” (don’t take their side) is where things get really interesting.

Because, let’s face it, what child doesn’t want to feel like they’re living in a courtroom drama?

“Your Honor, I present my case: I didn’t mean to break the vase!”

And there you are, the stern parent, donning your judge’s robe, ready to deliver the verdict.

“Guilty! Now go to your room and think about your life choices!”

But wait! What if the child is actually innocent?

What if they’re just a victim of circumstance?

“Oh, sweetie, I know you didn’t mean to break that vase, but you see, I must uphold the law of parental correction!”

It’s a slippery slope, my friends.

One minute you’re trying to teach them right from wrong, and the next, you’re inadvertently turning them into a character in a tragic play about misunderstood youth.

And let’s not forget the ultimate goal of this tough love: to ensure they don’t “maligaw ng landas” (stray from the path).

Because nothing says “I love you” quite like a strict regime of rules and regulations.

“Remember, darling, if you don’t follow my instructions to the letter, you might end up living in a van down by the river!”

It’s a classic parental fear tactic passed down through generations, like a family heirloom of guilt.

Now, imagine the dinner table conversations in this household.

“So, how was school today?” you ask, ready to pounce at the first sign of rebellion.

“I made a new friend, Mom!” your child replies, beaming with excitement.

“Oh, really? What’s their name?” you inquire, already preparing to launch into a lecture about the dangers of bad company.

“Their name is Trouble, and they love to break things!”

In the end, the advice to correct your child and not take their side is a noble one, but it comes with its own set of challenges.

Parenting is not just about steering your child away from the wrong path; it’s also about knowing when to let them explore, make mistakes, and learn from them.

So, as you embark on this journey of correction and guidance, remember to sprinkle in a little love and understanding along the way.

After all, the last thing you want is for your child to grow up thinking that love is synonymous with judgment and correction.

So, let’s raise a toast to the fine art of parenting!

Here’s to navigating the tricky waters of discipline, love, and the occasional broken vase.

May we all find the balance between being the stern judge and the supportive parent, because in the end, it’s all about keeping our kids on the right path—while still allowing them to enjoy the journey!

John Arcilla Fires Back!

 You can seldom hear  the "General" John Arcilla share his two-cent worth ... and in our post yesterday about utang na loob vis a vis financial support to our aging parents ... he could not hold his punches.

If Dani Barreto deserved a viral reception for her bold and confident but outrageous point of view on the toxic Pinoy culture of utang ng loob... so is this one - somber and subdued ... but has a touch of maturity in all its trimmings.

If John Arcilla is an English teacher he will surely mark WRONG WORDS USED in Dani's composition.

She's Gone Viral

Dani Barreto is Julia Barreto's sister - the daughter of Marjorie Barreto and Kier Legaspi ... now married to Xavi Panlilio and is mother to Millie.

She has gone viral lately when she said: " Giving back to parents should not be voluntary ... not utang na loob." She shared her thoughts on the toxic "utang na loob" culture sa Pinas when it comes to parenting.

She stressed that grown-up children giving financial allowance to their parents should be VOLUNTARY ... and not OBLIGATORY.

She also emphasized that parents should not use "utang na loob" as an excuse to demand children to provide for them financially.

What can you say, guys?

Netizens Reaction

The netizens have mixed reactions to the viral comments of Dani Baretto on whether children should continue giving financial assistance to parents when they grow old. Here are some choice comments that are ironically contrasting but nevertheless express the whole gamut of emotions on whatever side they lean to:

Angelica Lachica - Sometimes the kind of giving back of children to parents depends on what kind of parent you are. Kung nagiging mabuting magulang ka... children are wholeheartedly giving back to you. Pero kung mabigat sa loob ng anak mo na balikan ka ... ask yourself kung nagiging mabuting magulang ka sa kanila?

Tess Porras - Maraming mga mabuting magulang na buong giting nilang tinataguyod ang mga pangangailangan ng mga anak nila.  They make their nights daytime para matustosan ang bawat needs nila.  Pero may mga anak talaga na sadyang walang utang na loob. Kuha lang ng kuha at hindi marunong magbigay. I agree hindi dapat ito obligatory ... but voluntary ... pero yong totally wala kang ibigay ... it speaks volumes kung anong klaseng anak ka.

Darel Dacules - For me, tama yes, dapat hindi sapilitan. But I will choose to help my parents.  Hindi ko sila matitiis. Kahit hindi nila ako irequire na tulungan sila ... tutulungan ko pa rin sila.

My Reaction: If "utang na loob" is one toxic culture ... there is another toxic Pinoy culture concerning children - the overstaying children who can't manage their lives - and depend largely on their parents for support.

As somebody who believes the American culture that children should be out of the house once they reach 18 so they can prepare for some arduous task ahead of their lives... I am one of those "rara avis" parents who don't expect anything from their children. Hindi dahil nagmamagaling ako ... common sense lang ...if they can't take care of their own family ... isang suntok sa buwan ang maghintay ng tulong sa kanila. Does that make sense?

If Dani Barreto believes that helping parents is voluntary and not obligatory ... I also believe that parents helping children is not all-encompassing ... dapat may expiration date ito... na pati sarili nila kalimutan nila alang-alang sa serbisyo. Would you believe na kaya may mga anak na hindi kaya tumayo sa kanilang sariling paa ... kahit matanda na sila ... dahil rin sa isang toxic culture na pinaniwalaan ni Dani na obligasyon ng parents ang suportahan ang kanilang mga anak till their dying day.  Yon bang sinasalo ang lahat ... kahit hindi na dapat.

I just hope na totoo nga itong sinasabi ni Dani. The 64 dollar question is ... will she change her perspective once she reach 70 ... na uugod-ugod na at kailangan niya ang tulong ng kanyang mga anak. If my suspect is true ... para na ring kinain niya ang ...  sariling SUKA niya.

Ang pagtulong sa magulang ay KUSANG LOOB ... at di kailan man ginagawa dahil sa UTANG NA LOOB.

Definition

Enabler defined - every time you allow someone to continue being unproductive, and you remained zipped about their dormant and idle lifestyle ... or you never give a damn about their unhealthy wayward ways whether active or passive ... don't look around  ... because you are that person!

Enablers are also those persons who try to rescue someone who has the habit of making "poor choices". Enabling is helping person in a way that feeds his dysfunction. And please stop convincing me that you are doing it out of love.  Refuse to be a safety net or a protective umbrella so this little man can grow up like a man.

The Enabler Around us

Sa lahat ng ating pagkamali, may mga tao sa ating paligid acting like pompom girls or cheerleaders.  Sila yong mga ENABLERS - to make it blunt - kahit mali yong ginagawa mo sila yong mga knights in shining armour mo who will defend you thru thick and thin. The "enablers" are giving the illusion to you that what you are doing is right kasi feeling mo ... may kakampi ka. Hindi naman sila kakampi kung mali di ba?

Pero huwag ka ... ang iba diyan sulsol lang sulsol dahil gusto lang nilang babagsak ka. Di ba sa mga bisyo ganyan, akala mo kaibigan ... naghahanap lang pala ng karamay. Sira na ang mga buhay nila ... kaya isa kang hangal na naniwala naman. Masakit isipin pero wala silang ni katiting na love sa yo ...  all they want is for you to fail at masakit ding isipin mas mahal mo sila at pinaniwalaan kaysa sa mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa iyo.

Gatong sila nang gatong ... ano ang pagkaiba nila sa pagiging "kunsintidor"? "Okay lang ang manigarilyo ... wala namang nakatingin." "Manghiram ka ng pera ... keri lang." "Mag-quit ka sa trabaho ... sasabihin ko kailangan mong magpahinga." Sa 24 hours na ikaw ay nakahilata ... sa lagay na yan kailangan mo pang magpahinga?

Toxic Motherly Concern This Christmas

Are you this type of parent?  Yong bang pag may regalo si baby boy this Christmas ... tapos alam mong mahal ito ... aba gusto mong itago dahil baka lang masira ... o baka mawala?

Come on let the kid enjoy ... sa kanya ang gift na yan at hindi sa iyo.

Kung natakot kang mawala o masira ang regalo ... I think the best way you could do is oversee him with his activities para safe ang anak mo ... pati na ang regalo.

Don't spoil his Christmas by being too over-protective about everything. Remember ibinigay ang gift na yan ... para paglaruan niya ... hindi para amagin sa bag mo.

Ang gusto MO ... ay hindi NIYA gusto! Gets?

Permissive Parenting Under The Microscope

It is uncommon and out of the usual societal standard for a teenager below the age of reason to be found living alone fending for himself.  I can't imagine teenagers living in the streets surviving outside the confines of the home where there are parents who provide nurturing and guidance.

The question is why can't parents control their children? Why have they fallen into the trap where children exercise authority and children are the ones making the house rules instead of parents? And why have they become so spineless that when children demand that they will buy them luxurious items and they say NO children threaten them that they will leave home. 

We have to admit we have different kinds of parents ... and we have different kinds of parental styles and we are here today to scrutinize each one of them and place them under the radar screen.

Are parents becoming soft and permissive every day that they kowtow and cave in and pander to their children's wishes? Permissive parents are very loving, yet too weak to set limits or establish benchmark parameters and standards of acceptable behaviors at home. These parents act like their children's bosom buddies and are often seen more like their BFFs than parental figures.

Permissive parenting is unable to show authority nor oversee children's manners and habits.  So it is not surprising to see that their children are not cognizant of the thin line dividing what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. If a son demands an iPhone ... something the parent can't afford ... but manages to give him one anyway ... something is really wrong in the picture.

Permissive parenting is complaisant and lenient with their children.  They too are slack and remiss with their decisions and responsibilities, especially in setting a goal for them to achieve. Their children are goal-less... and their academic performance is in the doldrums. As expected their children are at the point of stagnation and do not show any semblance that their scholastic growth improves.

Permissive parents also fail miserably to be a household arbiters, much so as aberrant personality detectors and scanners. Why so? Because they don't have time to monitor their kids ... more so regulating them. Studies show children of non-restrictive and tolerant parenting often fall prey to resort to crimes, drug addiction, juvenile delinquency, alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancies, and the like.

If lax and soft parents can't regulate their children ... the children were left to regulate themselves, anything that feels right for them.  He doesn't have any iota of knowledge on how to differentiate right from wrong and he sticks with the wrong at the end of the day. Why don't they have self-control... it is all because they haven't been controlled since day 1. They lash out at parents especially when needs are thwarted. Their social skills are faulty ... and it is not unlikely ... they will display anti-social behaviors ... sooner than you think.

Raising the child correctly is a Herculean task and is a time-consuming job.  I have seen a lot of parents sticking their kids in daycare centers and nursery schools... why on earth would you want children and suddenly give them up to others to raise? Was it because you want to work ... or did you just have inadequate skills in parenting?

It is a two-pronged question ... but it is worth your while to ponder ... which one is closest to home.

Homemade Quotes

Parenting is challenging…like really challenging. From potty training to buying them phones, it’s not getting any easier. And what could be more challenging than having adult children not appreciating the money you gave them. Much more ... their value.

When that happens and children thought that money grows on trees and that they are easy to get ... WATCH OUT!

Money doesn't grow on trees: it requires effort to earn hard-earned money and it is limited so you must be careful how you spend it. 

Unfortunately, you can't pick money off trees like fruit. You have to work to earn it or be fortunate to receive it as a gift.

The Other Side of Parents You Haven't Seen

We always see our parents in their worst moods- volatile, temperamental, and emotional. They are like bombs waiting to explode.

The fact of the matter is they also cry and are fearful ... and they maintain that facade of being cool and strong to show to their children that everything is A-Okay even though everything seemed to crash inside,

Spot The Difference

There are children I know ... who prioritize their parent's PRESENCE ... more than their PRESENTS.

On the other side of the fence ... there are also children who have an unquenchable thirst for PRESENTS ... and put their parent's PRESENCE ... the last priority.

Kayod Marino

PARENTS ... are the only people I know who are working with the labor of love. Sila bukod tangi ang may trabaho ... pero wala inaasahang bayad tuwing a kinse at katapusan. Kunbaga LIBRE lang ang pagkayod nila, at walang advancement or promotion in a hierarchical structure.

Wala rin itong sick leave or holiday's off ... and hear this ... walang overtime pero 24-7 ang responsibility (contradicting ba?)   Di ba kung halos hindi ka na natutulog ... hitik na hitik ka sa overtime ... FREE nga lang. 

Di Natutoto

We don't encourage our children to have perfect life.  Because we know life isn't perfect ... and no one is. I allow my children to fail and make mistakes  ... BUT I want them to use these lapses as some kind of eye-opener that when confronted with the same situations in the near future... REPEATING the same mistake is not acceptable. It is not an option.

When you tripped and fall because you did not tie your shoelaces ... make it an opportunity to devise means and ways so falling will not happen again. After the fall, CHANGE is expected in the person as people banked on him that he needed to be careful. You need to grow and mature - otherwise kung paulit-ulit na lang ang mga nangyayari iyon ay dahil HINDI KA NAGTANDA ... just like what the song goes "DI KA TALAGA NATUTO".

Tama ... HINDI LANG SIYA natutong MAKINIG! DI BALE NANG PAULIT-ULIT ANG PROBLEMA.

Battle of Egos

In my opinion ang mga nangyari above is a battle of egos.  Gusto patunayan ng isa't isa kung sino ang matira at sino ang matibay sa usaping pagpuna at pagalala. Ang parent gusto lang maging magulang ,,, at ang mga anak naman para silang abogadong nilulusotan ang bawat argumento. 

Bakit ayaw makinig ... at bakit ayaw ang paulit-ulit na sermon - hindi kaya sa dahilan na may plano at gagawin nila ulit ang mga bagay na pinaalaala sa kanila (in this case the habit of borrowing money)? Pagpangutang na lang ba ang natitirang option? How about looking for a job ... mahirap ba gawin ang option na ito? 

Parents ... A Hater?

I really hate to say it, but some children assume that when a parent provides feedback or is trying to mirror the son's behavior (whether it is constructive or destructive), he or she is a HATER. Your parent does not hate you,(for crying out loud) they are just telling you the truth ... & they are just concerned about you.

If you hate listening to words of wisdom or comforting words ... something is wrong somewhere. If you are not OPEN to parental advice/fatherly reminders then you are not OPEN to growing up like a mature adult.

Now let us make the situation reverse: how would you feel ... if you are at the lowest ebb of your life ... and here comes your parents being silent about the whole thing ... or worse ... making you feel you are alone in your fight.

Just food for thought for you: don't wait until your parents will stop giving you constructive criticism. When that situation comes ... most likely they have given up on you.

Appreciate Constructive Criticism

Accepting constructive criticism is uncomfortable for many, but everybody should realize that it is imperative and paramount.  It (constructive criticism) is likened to having symptoms of pain. They are alarm prompts and distress signals that shake you to pay attention that something is unsound in your body ... that is why there is pain.

If you ignore the pain or the constructive criticism ... something bad is going to happen. Whether you like it or not.

Think about it.  Sometimes it is smart to appreciate somebody's honesty ... he will not rub it on your face if he doesn't care for you.

Kasal or Sakal?

The thought above made me ask: Ang KASAL ba ay isang SAKAL sa dalawang pusong nagsumpaaan that they will live happily ever after? Ang kasalan ba na naganap sa simbahan ay parang isang kabuki theater lang charcterized more of drama and showmanship ... rather than content?

Di ba ilagay mo ang sarili sa tahimik ... may tahimik ba sa sakal? Not unless matigok at matuloyan ang sinasakal ... talagang forever tahimik na.

Tahimik ba yong araw-araw may nagsasabong at kung mag-away dinig ng buong neigborhood ang inyong mga sekreto at pinagkatago-tagong skeletons in your locker? Tahimik nga siguro sabihin na  hindi kayo nagpapansinan at hindi nagkikibuan? Pero ang katahimikan na ating tinumtumbok dito ay yong kapanatagan ng iyong diwa at kaisipan ... at hindi yong parang silent movie ni Charlie Chaplain na walang verbal na paguusap sa ating cast of characters.

Celebrating Birthdays

Thirty and above children still celebrating birthdays? Bakit?Just like a son who told his Dad: "Dad i-celebrate naman natin ang birthday ko.  Gusto ko lang maka-AVAIL to whatever money na meron ka habang may pagkataon.

Muntik akong nahulog sa silya sa tinuran niya. Ang sarap sagotin ng "what is there to celebrate sa klase ng buhay mo? The numbing part ng sinabi niya if you are going to analyze it is: para bang sinabi niya "ang pera mo ... pera namin.  Ang pera ko ... akin lang? Pag birthday ko dapat icelebrate natin ... pag birthday mo bahala ka sa sarili mo."

Blaming Others

Blaming others makes you feel better about yourself? You can start your day blaming others, but the reality is ... your successes or failures are totally your own ... not our responsibility.

Blaming others for your failures is too infantile.

Mga Paalala

Sloth is one of the seven capital sins. Someone who is slothful is lazy and unwilling to make an effort to work.

Sloth in Tagalog ay sakit ng katamaran. Just like Juan Tamad siya yong taong nakahilata lang at naghihintay na bumagsak yong bayabas ... na kung gusto lang niya pwede naman niyang akyatin ang puno.

Sila ang mga taong naghihintay lang ng biyaya at milagro sa buhay. Allergic sila sa trabaho. and the worst is ... napabayaan nila ang mga mahal nila ... kaya napipilitan na ang iba na sumalo ng mga responsibilidad na dapat ang TAMAD ang gumagawa.