Satire: Duterte’s Clones: The Unlikely Army of Bloodthirsty Disciples

In a stunning revelation that could easily be the plot of a sci-fi thriller, Atty. Joel Butuyan has claimed that former President Rodrigo Duterte has created an army of clones.

Yes, you heard that right—clones! Forget about the usual political scandals; we’re diving into the realm of genetic engineering and dystopian nightmares, where peace-loving Filipinos have been transformed into a legion of bloodthirsty disciples, all thanks to the magic of Duterte’s cloning technology.

Picture this: a dark laboratory somewhere in the Philippines, where Duterte, clad in a lab coat and goggles, is busy mixing potions and pressing buttons on a high-tech machine. “Let there be clones!” he shouts, as the lights flicker and smoke fills the room.

Out pop thousands of identical Duterte clones, each one sporting the same signature smirk and a penchant for violence.

“Now, go forth and spread the gospel of bloodshed!” he commands, waving his hands like a mad scientist in a B-movie.

According to Atty. Butuyan, these clones have not only taken on the physical appearance of Duterte but have also absorbed his philosophy that violence is a valid solution to societal problems.

It’s like a twisted version of “The Sound of Music,” where instead of singing about raindrops on roses, the clones are belting out anthems of aggression and intimidation.

“These clones are out there harassing victims of the drug war,” Butuyan claims, “and they’re doing it with the enthusiasm of a kid on a sugar rush!”

Imagine the horror of being a victim of the drug war, only to find yourself being stalked by a group of Duterte clones, each one more menacing than the last.

“Oh no, not another clone!” you might think, as they approach with their intimidating swagger and a threatening glare.

“I just wanted to live in peace!” But alas, the clones are relentless, convinced that the only way to solve problems is through intimidation and fear.

Who needs conflict resolution when you have a battalion of clones ready to do your dirty work?

Butuyan’s assertion raises some pressing questions. Are these clones sentient beings, or are they simply mindless drones programmed to follow Duterte’s every command?

Do they have feelings? Do they ever sit around and ponder the meaning of life, or are they too busy plotting their next act of intimidation?

Perhaps they gather in secret meetings, sipping coffee and discussing their favorite methods of harassment.

“I prefer the subtle approach,” one clone might say, “while I like to go in guns blazing!”

As the confirmation of charges hearing at the International Criminal Court (ICC) unfolds, the world watches with bated breath.

Will the ICC take this cloning revelation seriously? Will they summon the clones for questioning?

“Excuse me, Mr. Clone, can you tell us where you were on the night of the alleged intimidation?”

The clones, with their identical expressions, might respond in unison, “We were just following orders!”

Ultimately, whether Duterte has actually created clones is a matter of debate.

But one thing is certain: the idea of an army of bloodthirsty clones adds a layer of absurdity to an already chaotic political landscape.

So, let’s raise a glass to the bizarre world of Philippine politics, where the line between reality and fiction is as thin as a Duterte clone’s patience for peaceful dialogue.

Here’s hoping that someday, we’ll all wake up from this strange nightmare and find ourselves in a world where clones are just a figment of our imagination—and not a reality we have to face every day.

(Note: The post is only a satire. Satire - the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity and actions, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.)