Satire: The Canonization of Senator Antonio Trillanes

Move over, Jose Rizal. Put down the pen, Andres Bonifacio.

 There is a new face ready to be chiseled into the side of Mount Binakayan, and he comes with a crisp barong and a stack of filed plunder cases.

We are living in the era of The Indorruptible One: Senator Antonio Trillanes IV.

While some people are busy arguing over "evidence" and "affidavits" involving $2 million delivery bags, the true believers know the reality. 

We are witnessing the rise of a man so morally fortified that if you offered him a suitcase full of "digit money"—a sum so large it requires a scientific calculator to display—he would simply point to the nearest ICC office and ask for their Wi-Fi password.

The Temptation of the "Digit Money"

Legend has it that the pro-Duterte forces once approached the Senator with a bribe so massive it had more zeros than a failing grade in a calculus class. 

They said, "Senator, please, take this mountain of gold and stop filing cases against PRRD. Go buy an island. Go buy a small European country. Just stop the paperwork!"

But did our Modern Hero flinch? No. 

He didn’t even blink. He looked at that "digit money" and saw only scrap paper. 

To Trillanes, a billion pesos is just a light snack compared to the delicious, soul-satisfying taste of a Cyberlibel Filing.

"Keep your digits," he likely shouted, his voice echoing through the halls of justice like a dramatic Filipino soap opera climax. "I have something more powerful than money: A photocopier that never runs out of ink!"

The History Books of 2075

Fast forward fifty years. Your grandchildren are sitting in a classroom, hovering on their anti-gravity desks. 

The teacher opens the holobook to Chapter 14: "The Great Paperwork Rebellion."

• Lesson 1: How to occupy an Oakwood hotel with style and grace.

• Lesson 2: The art of the "Trillanes Glare"—a look so intense it can make a witness forget their own middle name.

• Lesson 3: Why $2 million is actually a very small amount of money when you are busy saving the soul of a nation.

Children will be required to memorize his legendary speeches.

 Instead of "Mi Ultimo Adios," they will recite "I Will File Cases Against All 18 of You." 

It’s poetry for the modern age. It’s a legacy that isn't built on monuments, but on a literal mountain of subpoenas.

The Legacy: A Hero for All Time

In a world of politicians who flip-flop like a pair of worn-out slippers, Trillanes is the steady combat boot of justice. 

He is the man who looks at a bribe and says, "Is this tax-deductible? No? Then I'll see you in court!"

He is the modern-day hero we deserve. 

He doesn't need a cape; he just needs a subpoena and a very brave legal team. 

While others are out there "serving the people," Trillanes is out there saving the people from themselves, one press conference at a time.

So, for those who don't like him now: just wait. 

In the future, every Filipino household will have a small altar dedicated to the man who couldn't be bought, couldn't be silenced, and apparently couldn't be stopped by anything short of a total national paper shortage.