Honesty Can Be Brutal

Honesty is a form of tough love. It is important to note that parents were able to communicate in all honesty their feelings even if it meant hurting their children in the process.

Children should understand that parents are not hurting them willfully or deliberately. It comes with the territory. Honest discussions about how parents perceived them have to be said whether they like it or not. Honesty can be brutal however it is living evidence and proof of how much parents care for them and how much they want their relationship to work.

Seeing Children Through Rose Colored Glasses

We are all familiar with the old saying “Parents see their children through rose-colored glasses.” It is usually meant as an insult as parents failed to notice negative things even when warning alarms and red flags are evident.  They see things as better even though it is not. Indeed we clap our hands as they continue staying optimistic and positive ... loving their children despite their flaws. The sad reality is, we are enabling our children to continue doing wrong ... when it needs to stop.

Tough love is about setting boundaries and reminding your child of his excesses.  It is about setting limits ... a rude awakening that he needs to change.  It is overcoming challenges ... and growing stronger through adversity.

Why Resort To Tough Love?

If your parents or partners muster enough courage to give you a slice of tough love ...  recalibrate your thoughts and reframe your judgment that it is a sign of their respect for you. They love you and definitely, they don't want you to rot in the hellhole you are in. Tough love is more about holding you responsible and accountable to basic parameters of behavior.

If you are not the best version of yourself ... it takes a dose of TOUGH LOVE to snap you out of your senses and make you feel constrained and obligated to higher standards.

More Tough Love Examples

So if you are messing with drugs and your sister turned you to the police ... that is tough love. If you have been chasing skirts what more do you expect than your girlfriend giving you a break-up.

Borrowing money is a form of addiction.  So what is the best tough love model suited for you other than severing ties with you or cutting your financial aid?

Examples of Tough Love

What are examples of tough love? Tough love can be seen in these scenarios: A parent taking away your phone or deciding you were grounded for a month or giving you a curfew because you have a habit of seeing your male classmates at night. 

Or it can be seen in a concerned friend who refused to give you another drink after seeing you exploding in a violent temper resulting in your daily brush with the law!

How To Respond To Tough Love

 

7 ways to respond to genuine tough love

1. Listen to understand first. You cannot hear if you are preparing to defend your position at the same time.
2. Be open-minded. ...
3. Look at it from the other person's perspective. ...
4. Pause before replying. ...
5. Recognize your feelings. ...
6. Acknowledge the feedback. ...
7. Take it on the chin.

Points of Clarification On Tough Love

Let me clarify before the idea of tough love can be misconstrued in bizarre ways.  It is not that the parents withdraw their love and become unsympathetic, unfeeling, and cruel.

Tough love is just reminding the person messing up his life to take responsibility, blame, punishment, or accountability for his actions. The earlier he realizes his mistakes, the early is the healing process is.