Tips On How To Deal With Entitled People

 

Having high expectations is perfectly normal. It becomes abnormal though when the person afflicted with entitlement syndrome assumes that all roads are going his way and it is perfectly alright to bypass authority figures (police, boss or parents.) For instance ... if you see a mango tree in the neighborhood pregnant with deliciously looking yellow fruits ... it is just over the top for you to assume that your neighbor will give you a free pass in his orchard.  Convincing yourself na "marami naman yan ... hindi nila mauubos yan" is so self-serving and downright irresponsible. In the first place did you even ASK PERMISSION? That's the bad part.

If your parent allowed you to stay in a fully furnished home ... that doesn't translate that you can do whatever you want with it. If one day you thought it would be better to place an air conditioner in the living room, mature thinking dictates normal people will consult their parents and ask permission if that is alright with them to bore a hole in the house. If you assume "okay lang yan ... mahal ako niyan ... he will never say no to me" di ba napaka-ASSUMING mo tol? Much more if you sold the house. Suma total it boils down to one thing - malala na ang sakit mo hija - wala kang respeto sa magulang mo pati na sa sarili mo.

Because of their loose morals, entitled people always find themselves alone.  Friends avoid them like plagues and because of their bloated egos and sense of entitlement, it is not uncommon that even family walk away. They are surprised that they feel chronically discontented and dissatisfied. Their unreasonable expectations always make them hostile and they have that constant feeling they have a need that needs to be filled. If their needs were not met, then the feeling of being treated unfairly envelops their whole being.

There is no clear evidence of where this sense of entitlement comes from. But I t tell you ... dealing with them is annoying ... at times debilitating ... and putting up with them is one hell of a Ferris wheel ride. Try these simple tricks and tips.  It is not a surefire formula ... but hey ... there is no harm in trying.

1. Don't give everything to the child. Parents who are submissive and whose strength of will and strength of character cracks every time the child frets or plays temper tantrums whenever he wants something play a big factor in contributing to the person's entitlement issues. Children who have not experienced resistance and were never told NO will grow up as an adult thinking this is how the world operates. Crying is their desperate way of manipulating their parents into caving into their demands.

2. Starve them and don't feed their sense of entitlement - The rule of thumb is ... if you know you are capable of doing what they are asking ... say NO if it is ill-timed and is a bother and disruptive of your timetable. If you are free and don't mind doing it - fine ... say YES. If your sibling says, he wants to borrow your money ... if you have extra ... let him borrow ... but prepare to say no if it is inconvenient and your money is already allocated to something else.

3. Helping is only for a while. If you have a relative who is evicted from the house he rented ... it is okay to say yes if they are asking to use the unused room you have in your house ... rather than see them homeless and struggling in the streets. However, give them your boundaries ... and a timetable, and pre-arrange how much time you allowed them to stay until they become self-sufficient. Tell them your expectations ... that you are not cooking for them, that they have to share the water and electric bills, and that they have to follow curfew rules and regulations, etc.

4. Don't debate. And don't get caught having a verbal fisticuff with them.  Arguing open the doors for entitled persons to flex their bullying muscles on you.  Just keep quiet and leave.  Ignore their texts and DM's.  The silent treatment is an antidote to entitled persons.

5. Be firm, assertive, and strong-willed.  If you want to say NO own it and be sure you meant it. Don't throw in the towel and raise the white flag at the slightest sign that the person is showing entitlement. Say what you feel ... and it is only you who can bring that out.

6. Treat them matter-of-factly. Meaning don't show any signs of emotion. If you see them fret and fuss ... you show them calm. If you have done something to them, they expect you to make amends and apologize ... and when they did something to you ... they expect you to understand them. They always think they were treated unfairly ... 

To all entitled people ... for a change in your entitled heavy schedule check yourself in the mirror...  just be honest ... can't you see who is being unfair?

Abraham's One Liners

 

Comparing Mature and Immature Thinking In Entitlement

 

Entitled Husbands VS Entitled Wives

What happens in a household where there is an entitled husband and an entitled wife? Will there be a Clash of the Titans or a battle and a clash of egos?

I can't imagine a scenario where a husband believes his wife owed him something ... and the wife feels the same. The party that is giving the service or acts of assistance resents this. We expect fireworks and a feeling of angry displeasure on both sides ... they will feel mistreated or wronged ... and feel antipathy because they were forced to do something they didn't like.

They will have that mistaken notion that they were not loved, or that they are being used or taken advantage of ... or what they are getting from their spouse is conditional love ... only because of the things they can give them.

Take the husband for instance ... if one of the many reasons you marry is that you don't have to worry anymore about washing your clothes or cooking a meal for you ... that's a toxic expectation and an entitlement.  

If you are a wife and pursue a relationship with someone for the sole purpose of sharing his wealth or fame ... I also smell entitlement.

Are you the husband who expects changing the baby's dirty diapers and preparing milk formula is solely the work of the wife? Or are you the wife that expects the husband to bring home the moolah ... as you sit at home playing with your cellphones?

Both should work as a team ... and feeling entitled should never creep into your beds ... destroying your relationship and your marriage.

Caption That

                       Ay huwag pumasok diyan ... nakakahawa yan.
 

Quotes on Entitlement

 To understand the quote from The HippoCritic ... let us define some terms so you will understand the quote better.

-manipulate -a person who influences others by attacking the mental and emotional side of another to get what they want. They use deception, coercion, and trickery to maintain power.

-underhanded- dishonest, deceptive, and sly.

-hypocritical - a person who pretends to have virtues and qualities that she doesn't have.  They are also those people whose actions contradict their stated beliefs or feelings.

-conditional love- is love with conditions. A classic example is when a person says," I will love you if you buy me this ring." This love can be withdrawn if certain expectations were not met.

-veiled threat-  a threat that is not directly stated but is implied using disguised language. The threat is masked and not openly expressed.

-retraction- a withdrawal of a statement or accusation

Responding To Readers

Well, we can't stop readers from asking questions about entitlement ... and one of them asked if there are entitlement issues between husband and wife.

Of course, there are ... entitlement issues can dog any type of relationship ... it is not only confined to parents and the child, it can also happen to husband and wife, to his colleagues and co-workers, to his classmate ... even to the community.

Having a husband who expects you to bow to them is infuriating and aggravating I don't blame her if she contemplates ending the marriage. A husband who thinks all the decisions should come from him and need his approval is annoying. If a partner makes the top call ... including what kind of dress you can wear ... or he accompanies you to buy groceries so he can watch eagle-eyed the items you purchased... his constant meddling can be exasperating.

Do you have a wife who believes she deserves better treatment than you do ... or some rules don't apply to you. Is she sensitive when all her expectations and hopes were thwarted ... and she feels violated ... and does her last breakdown give her a classic meltdown ... in your books? Does she want men to adhere to rigid behavioral standards - that men are expected to be successful, strong, and dominant?  Does she think what others need and want are less important ... and the only thing that matters is her needs?

Feeling entitled is toxic. Consider these other scenarios.

1. Are you one of those husband or wife ... who shower their family with love ... because they expect to be showered the same? Actually, there is nothing wrong with that. They are DOING THE THING RIGHT and it is the RIGHT THING TO DO. It becomes tricky and problematic, however ... when one expects interest and an added premium to the love he is investing. Is he trying to show love because he wishes to get loved back? 

This kind of mindset is disturbing ... because they are putting themselves on the precipice of disappointment. The question however ... can they really get the love back as they expected? Being entitled maniacs... they showed love ... so the family owed to love them back? The drawback here is ... if things didn't go in their direction ... I can't imagine how they feel when the love they expected was not enough ... or they feel the affection they received was scant and scarce as they sulk in bed feeling doom and gloom?

2. Are you one of those husband and wife who expect recognition of your hard work ... and a simple THANK YOU will brighten your day? After working under the heat of the sun for eight hours ... do you expect your wife and children to give you a welcome kiss when you went home? 

Or are you a wife who after the draining tough morning of taking care of the children, doing the laundry, and ironing them ... did you expect your husband an attitude of gratitude and invite you for a dinner date at fast food? A gift perhaps ... or sex? Having that belief that your partner owed you something (being an entitled person)how you wish your efforts will be appreciated and you expected they should give you something ... whatever form it may be.

Any sins of omission and commission ... become an indelible sin.

3. Are you one of that husband and wife who despite being married maintains a group of friends they just can't ignore and resist.  Ask yourself if this regular habitue of your household ... impacts your marriage and relationship? 

Do your besties meddles with your family and its dynamics? Does your husband's friend's drinking in the house factor into the disharmony of your married life?  Or does your wife's BFF has been anointed by you as the "pambansang sawsawera" of the year award? It is not unlikely that the people frequenting your home can give advice or suggestions that may poison the relationship and stunt its growth.

Being an entitled person ... watch out and be wary. It is hard to be placed in a rock and a hard place ... and you will force to choose - family or friends?

4. Are you one of that husband and wife whose main problem is Money? Before you plunge into marriage have you ever asked yourself if you are ready to embark on this journey ... or if you are just playing house? Are both of you college graduates and have a steady job? Have you trained yourself to be independent ... away from the peering eyes of your parents? Do you have a house of your own? Do you know that living on your own ... you have to pay for utilities, bills, and groceries? How many children are you planning to have? These are some of the questions would be parents should ask themselves. If your answer to most questions is NO ... then financial problems will dog and dragged you to no end.

For entitled people, they will not only drag themselves ... but will include everybody as part and parcel of their monetary problems where there is no end in sight.

Ending this post I just want to say ...You can get past these attitudes of entitlement. However, one has to understand why you were in the middle of a quicksand of feelings of entitlement in the first place... or why your spouse has these feelings where she is being sucked in and there is no way out. Without insight, you are in limbo and everything is dark and there is no light to pave the way.

And then when you get a clearer picture of yourself and your feelings and your situation, together, you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.