VP Sara Was a No-Show

Alright, let's dissect this political theater with a healthy dose of satire, shall we?

Headline: Sara Duterte Skips Impeachment Hearing: "Too Busy Saving the World to Bother with Accountability!"

The stage was set. The popcorn was popped. 

Political junkies across the nation eagerly awaited the "Bloodbath" – Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C, all rolled into one juicy impeachment hearing. 

But alas, the star of the show, Sara Duterte, was a no-show.

"Avoidance is key!" her 16 (yes, sixteen) lawyers probably chanted in unison, while simultaneously polishing their briefcases. 

After all, why face the music when you can crank up the volume on your "I'm too busy helping people" mixtape?

"If she's so confident in her innocence," the pundits pondered, "why not waltz right into that hearing and clear her name? 

It's like the ultimate trust-building exercise for a future presidential hopeful!" 

But apparently, transparency and accountability are just suggestions, not requirements, in the Sara Duterte handbook.

"Helping the Filipino people is my priority!" she declared in a carefully crafted statement, probably while signing autographs and posing for selfies.

Because, you know, answering questions about alleged transgressions is totally not part of helping the nation. 

It's like saying you're too busy baking a cake to bother with washing your hands.

"If the evidence is so weak," her supporters argued, "then she should show up and prove it!" 

But why bother with logic when you can just issue a statement and hope everyone forgets about the whole thing?

 It's the political equivalent of hiding under the covers and hoping the monster goes away.

And let's not forget the Supreme Court! 

Ah, yes, the last bastion of hope for politicians in a pickle. 

"SC justices," we implore, "please, oh please, don't let your appointments cloud your judgment! 

Remember, you owe your allegiance to the people, not to the political overlords who put you there!" (Good luck with that, by the way.)

But the real question remains: Where was the "Bloodbath"? 

Where was the showdown of epic proportions? 

Turns out, it was just another case of political hot air. 

Less talk, fewer mistakes, indeed.

And the best part? It's not even April Fool's Day yet, but Sara Duterte is already playing us for fools!