What It Means

When someone apologizes ,,, but you don't see any change in him after everything that happened ... what is it called? It is called manipulation.

This intro will serve as a reminder that when you hear someone saying "I am sorry that I hurt you ... but it was not really my fault" ... you are being manipulated ... influenced ... controlled ... and played upon. Can you imagine someone apologizing to you ... but doesn't acknowledge the gravity of what he did to you?

I smell a rat ... that was the most insincere apology I ever heard. I see manipulation done in a sneaky way possible to get what he wants. 

I saw a master manipulator wanting to be in control. They have perfected the craft of reading emotions. He studies your reaction to his apologies. He can cry and shed real tears ... but he uses that skill to pick up on your frailty and weaknesses ... and take advantage of you. 

Take for example a guy who had badmouthed you for so long ... who has made a fool of you ... who blackmailed you, and then left you ... to experience a life of freedom and a life where no one oversees what he is doing. 

However, life is short for somebody who is just experimenting with life. Later on, he severed his ties with his new friends and the new families he befriended. Knowing that the door is closing on him, feeling niya sumisikip na ang kanyang mundo. Dahil isa-isa siyang iniwan.

Para nga siyang si Caloy Yulo na bulag na bulag sa kanyang mga paniwala ngayon at sa mga taong kinakasama. Nabulag siya sa mga konting tagumpay at palakpakan na buong akala niya ay pamhabangbuhay. 

Going back to the example I made dahil wala na nga siyang magawa ... and the only choice left for him is to go back sa pamilya that he despises, naisip ba niya na ganoon na lang yon? Babalik ka na parang walang nangyari ... at ang mga nakakasugat damdamin na pinagsasabi at ginawa noon ay basta na lang kalimutan? How convenient!

Manipulative behavior and manipulative apology tactics occur when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibilityfor their actions, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Their manipulation tactics, include gaslighting, lying, blaming, shaming,  and criticizing.

When an apology is made to target the feelings of the victim, insinuating that the recipient's reactions rather than the perpetrators' action is a problem ... it becomes a manipulation ... a deflection tactic shifting the blame and the responsibility to the aggrieved. 

They can even go beyond that ... they think that the victim's reaction and feelings to what he did are unwarranted and in appropriate ... and dismiss him as just overly sensitive. Forgive me for bringing this up ... but it rings a similar tune when Inday Sara poo-poohed the ex-DepEd Usec as just the disgruntled employee. Or the late Susan Roces after his strong d'force performance when FPJ died and her critics dismissing her histrionics as coming from "the grieving widow."

In essence, saying sorry is a powerful act of acknowledging you did wrong. However apologizing without showing remorse, guilt, repentance, and contrition is just lip service.

 He said I am sorry in words ... but in action, he has not changed and has not made amends to change to become a better person. It takes away the very core essence of what saying "I am sorry" ... is all about.

"I am sorry that I hurt you ... but it was not really my fault", is almost synonymous with "I am sorry this thing happened ... but you made me do it." This was a toxic apology in the highest order ... because the accusing finger was directed at the victim and this shifted responsibility and the blame to him.

A genuine apology involves deep regrets, sincere self-reproach, owning responsibility and commitment to change.

Beware of this type of people around you.  They can make you bleed with guilt ... while they gleefully wash their hands in search of the next victim.

Lawyer's Mumbo Jumbo: Writ of Amparo

We are not lawyers ... but we need to understand their lexicon (lawyers always have their own lingo only they can understand. Same with doctors, nurses, and engineers) 

We spend our waking hours on YouTube and we are always exposed to hearings and debates ... and also their private conversations ... and all we do is scratch our heads because they are using legal terminologies that sound too foreign and alien to our virgin ears ... and our mind wonders what are they talking about.

Let's start decoding and decrypting these words and phrases (it is irreverent for us to enter the sanctum of the in ... but desperate times need desperate measures) so the next time they use these terms again ... we are on the same page with them.  Not in limbo.

We will try to dissect and define them in simpler language so ordinary mortals and laymen (the amateur and the non-experts) can actively participate in the discussion ... and at the same time broaden their legal and paralegal stock knowledge,

So our word or phrase that is hitting the headlines today is: writ of Amparo

1. PHRASE: Writ of Amparo

2. MEANING: Amparo sounds like a person's name or a family name. It is a Spanish word that means sanctuary, refuge, or asylum. In a broader sense, it is a shelter for safety ... and in the context of the news today like in Harry Roque's case ... it is a protection.

When somebody is given a writ of amparo ... it is a legal remedy and safety cushion given to any person whose life is at risk, or to any person whose securities are threatened and his freedom is jeopardized by oppressive restrictions from authorities, police, or the government. 

The petition may be filed on any day and at any time with the Regional Trial Court of the place where the threat occurred, or with the Sandiganbayan, the Court of Appeals, the Supreme Court, or any justice of such courts.

3. EXAMPLE: 

-Harry Roque on Monday asked the Supreme Court (SC) for a writ of amparo against his arrest in the wake of an order from the quad committees ...

-The daughter of former presidential spokesperson Harry Roque has filed a petition for the writ of amparo before the Supreme Court against the House of Representatives Quad Committee and its ongoing probe on illegal operations of Philippine Offshore Gaming Operators (POGOs)

-In January 2008, ABS CBN news personnel filed the writ of amparo petition with the Supreme Court, which accordingly ordered the government to comment on the petition for protection from harassment and threats of arrest.

 

Toxic Filipino Traits

 We must stop endorsing ... maintaining ... and preserving toxic Filipino practices ... like we back them up, sustain them or preserve them to last another lifetime. It is not simply 'part of the culture' yan (kahit saang angulo mo tingnan ay talagang nakakahiya). Kaya a plan of action is needed to actively resist them ... so we can break the cycle. 

One of these toxic traits is bringing uninvited people to a party.

Hospitality is a defining trait of Filipino culture, characterized by its people's generosity and heartfelt welcome. That is a generous trait all right ... but it is not a license for you to tag along 5 more people ... mga taong hindi man lang kilala ng host.

Nang gate crash ka na ... nagdala ka pa ng isang barangay na pakakainin? What happens now ... kung ang handa ng kaibigan mo is not enough. Pinahiya mo na ang sarili mo ... lalo na si frennie mo (pahiram Rhoda ... pagamit sa lambingan ninyo ni Maritess of Batang Quiapo fame)

Yong party naman should not be treated as an opportunity para sa isang libreng tsibugan. Para ito sa mga kaibigang kilala ... at ang party is the time for them to catch up and reminisce the good old days. Nakakailang isipin na nagkumustahan kayo ... tapos may limang miron sa tabi ninyo na nakamasid at nakikinig ... at kung minsan nakisabat pa sa usapan. 

What could be more appalling .... ay kung maisipan pa ng mga kaibigan mo ang mag-take home at walang galang silang kukuha ng plastic bag para magbalot. 

Isip isip mga ineng at tsong. Nabusog ka na ... gusto mo ng take out para sa libreng hapunan?

Chris Tan x Richard Heydarian Talks About...

Lawyer's Mumbo Jumbo: Show Cause Order

We are not lawyers ... but we need to understand their lexicon (lawyers always have their own lingo only they can understand. Same with doctors, nurses, and engineers) 

We spend our waking hours on YouTube and we are always exposed to hearings and debates ... and also their private conversations ... and all we do is scratch our heads because they are using legal terminologies that sound too foreign and alien to our virgin ears ... and our mind wonders what are they talking about.

Let's start decoding and decrypting these words and phrases (it is irreverent for us to enter the sanctum of the in ... but desperate times need desperate measures) so the next time they use these terms again ... we are on the same page with them.  Not in limbo.

We will try to dissect and define them in simpler language so ordinary mortals and laymen (the amateur and the non-experts) can actively participate in the discussion ... and at the same time broaden their legal and paralegal stock knowledge,

So our word or phrase for today is: SHOW CAUSE ORDER

1. PHRASE: Show cause order - OSC

2. DEFINITION: It is a type of court order issued to a party in a lawsuit or hearing directing that party to appear in court to explain why a certain action should not be put into effect by the court. It is a court order that demands and requires the accused and his party to justify and explain why the court SHOULD or SHOULD NOT grant a motion.

A show cause notice on the other hand is a formal document issued that sets out the details of an alleged offense and asks the recipient to explain why disciplinary action should not be taken. Once the notice is received ... it will allow the person to respond and explain why he should not be disciplined, rebuked, or held in contempt.

In simpler language ... a show cause order is an order directing a person to appear in court and explain.

Courts commonly use orders to show cause when the judge needs more information before deciding whether or not to issue an order requested by one of the parties.

The show-cause order can be considered the last opportunity for a person to prove him innocent. If he failed to prove his points, the person who served the notice may take legal action against that person and the person may be charged a fine or punishment.

3. EXAMPLE: The wife of Harry Roque has been requested by the Quad Com to appear in the hearing in the House of Representatives to shed more light on some gray areas with the couple's alleged involvement in the operation of POGO. She did not appear...

The “quad committee” warned her of possible contempt citation if she failed to comply with the lower chamber’s show cause order.

Responding To Netizens Comment

Iha ... maintiendihan mo ang pinagsasabi mo ... pag ikaw ay matanda na rin at ganoon din ang trato sa inyo ng mga anak ninyo?

How can you say toxic culture .... kita mo pamunu-an na ng Milo ang nagtanggal kay Carlos na maging model nila dahil hindi sila naniniwala sa points of view at mindset ninyo. Huwag ninyong sabihin na mali sila.

One thing is sure we are living in matriarchal society. Tapos ngayon gusto ninyong bagohin ang kultura ... to think na napakabata pa ninyo ... tapos nagsusuggest kayo ng total overhaul ng sistema ... dahil the narrative is too convenient for you?

What goes around ... comes around and I hate rubbing it in your face ... kung ikaw na ang nasa sitwasyong ng mga magulang ni Carlos. Baka mahimasmasan ka at bawiin mo bigla ang mga sinabi mo: starting with the reactions ng sarili mong parents sa mga maanghang mong pananalita.

Remember hindi nakasalalay ang tagumpay ninyo sa mga gintong medalya. Oo puno kayo nga biyaya ngayon ... pero pansamantala lang yan. Nothing is permanent in this world. Pinatikim lang kayo nga konting biyaya .... nagbago na ng ugali at naging madamot?

Tanongin mo si Carlos kung happy ba siya sa naging desisyon niya. One thing is sure ... there is a void in him, yong feeling na buo siya ... pero bakit parang merong kulang? Yong feeling na despite the money, the adulation that he is getting ... bakit parang may feeling of emptiness wanting to be filled.

You know what I mean ... dahil sa success at pera ninyo nagiging madamot kayo at kasabay diyan ang pag-itsa puera at buong giting na nakipaghiwalay kayo sa mga magulang ninyo ... for good ... walang reservation at pakundangan dahil nagiging selfish at greedy na kayo. See what money can do?

Tuwang tuwa ka nga at Olympic champion ka ... ang tanong ba ay kompleto ba ang happiness na yan ... eh sinasarili lang ninyo? Kumakain ka nga ng masasarap na pagkain ... but at the back of your mind sumagi ba sa isip mo na may mga magulang ka at kapatid ka na kumakalam ang tiyan sa gutom?

Doon sa victory celebration niya sa ASAP sa ABS CBN ... wow na wow siya sa lahat ng pagbunyi at pagtingala ... pero nakaya at nalunok niya ... na ni isa sa pamilya ay wala doon at hindi man lang naimbitahan? OO mali ang ginawa ng mother niya na kumampi sa iba instead of staying loyal to him bago pa ang Olympics.

OO mali ang paggamit ng kanyang ina sa pera niya but what is that sa grasya na tinatamasa niya ngayon? Saan na ba ang linyang: "Share your blessings ..." tinapon na lang sa bintana? Ang pera pag nawala ay puedeng kitain ulit... pero ang tuluyang wakasan ang isang buong pamilya dahil hindi ka sang-ayon sa ginagawa ng mother mo ... is preposterous. It is reckless ... imprudent, misguided and ill-considered.

There is no perfect parent ... or a perfect children. Lahat ay nagkakamali. Pero ang pagkamali ay puedeng pagusapan ng lahat ng members ... at puede kayong maggawa ng plan of action ... or groundrules para maiwasan itong mangyari ulit.

Hindi ba pwedeng pagusapan yan ng matino na walang ibang taong nagsusolsol at nakiki-alam? Hindi ba pwedeng magkapatawaran na ... at ipaliwanag ang kanyang saloobin sa mga rules and regulations tungkol sa paggamit ng kanyang pera ... and instructions that states the way things should be done ... what her family is allowed or not allowed to do?

It is bad na mag-wish ng masama sa kapwa ... but what happens kung iikot ang gulong ng buhay at biglang nasa ilalim bigla kayo. What happens kung ubos na ang pera ninyo ... at wala na yong dating liksi mo para tumambling? What happens kung isang one day millionaire phenomenon lang pala ang lahat, at naubos na ninyo ang yaman at yabang ninyo?

I hate to see Carlos in that situation (the parable of the prodigal son ) if he dares to swallow his pride to return to his family ... nagmakaawa para lang siya ay tanggapin.

Maraming nang nangyayari na ganyan iha. Mga amang hiniwalayan ang mga asawa , nagpakasasa sa mga biyayang ibinigay ng nasa ITAAS ... pagkatapos luhaang bumalik sa kanyang original family dahil wala na ang mga grasya ... pati ang ikalawang pamilya ... and the worst of all matanda na at may sakit na.

Isipin mo ang kirot ... yong nagsisisi ka na at lahat ... pero hindi ka matanggap ng mga anak mo dahil pinili mong iwanan sila kapalit doon sa isang pamilya na akala mo ay forever at panghabang buhay na ... panandalian lang pala.

Truth hurts iha ... at sana huwag mong isiping that I am sanctimonious and holier than thou para magbigay ng unsolicited opinion ko. And that I am morally superior and hypocritically pious para mag-impose na ang mga paniwala ko ay tama. Far from that. Nangyari na kasi sa akin ... iba iba lang ang kwento pero suma-total ganoon pa rin ang buod ng istorya.

Take it from somebody who has been there. I am just reminding you of your sins of omission and commission ... the lacks and the excesses you made because of your youthful indiscretions.