This intro will serve as a reminder that when you hear someone saying "I am sorry that I hurt you ... but it was not really my fault" ... you are being manipulated ... influenced ... controlled ... and played upon. Can you imagine someone apologizing to you ... but doesn't acknowledge the gravity of what he did to you?
I smell a rat ... that was the most insincere apology I ever heard. I see manipulation done in a sneaky way possible to get what he wants.
I saw a master manipulator wanting to be in control. They have perfected the craft of reading emotions. He studies your reaction to his apologies. He can cry and shed real tears ... but he uses that skill to pick up on your frailty and weaknesses ... and take advantage of you.
Take for example a guy who had badmouthed you for so long ... who has made a fool of you ... who blackmailed you, and then left you ... to experience a life of freedom and a life where no one oversees what he is doing.
However, life is short for somebody who is just experimenting with life. Later on, he severed his ties with his new friends and the new families he befriended. Knowing that the door is closing on him, feeling niya sumisikip na ang kanyang mundo. Dahil isa-isa siyang iniwan.
Para nga siyang si Caloy Yulo na bulag na bulag sa kanyang mga paniwala ngayon at sa mga taong kinakasama. Nabulag siya sa mga konting tagumpay at palakpakan na buong akala niya ay pamhabangbuhay.
Going back to the example I made dahil wala na nga siyang magawa ... and the only choice left for him is to go back sa pamilya that he despises, naisip ba niya na ganoon na lang yon? Babalik ka na parang walang nangyari ... at ang mga nakakasugat damdamin na pinagsasabi at ginawa noon ay basta na lang kalimutan? How convenient!
Manipulative behavior and manipulative apology tactics occur when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibilityfor their actions, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Their manipulation tactics, include gaslighting, lying, blaming, shaming, and criticizing.
When an apology is made to target the feelings of the victim, insinuating that the recipient's reactions rather than the perpetrators' action is a problem ... it becomes a manipulation ... a deflection tactic shifting the blame and the responsibility to the aggrieved.
They can even go beyond that ... they think that the victim's reaction and feelings to what he did are unwarranted and in appropriate ... and dismiss him as just overly sensitive. Forgive me for bringing this up ... but it rings a similar tune when Inday Sara poo-poohed the ex-DepEd Usec as just the disgruntled employee. Or the late Susan Roces after his strong d'force performance when FPJ died and her critics dismissing her histrionics as coming from "the grieving widow."
In essence, saying sorry is a powerful act of acknowledging you did wrong. However apologizing without showing remorse, guilt, repentance, and contrition is just lip service.
He said I am sorry in words ... but in action, he has not changed and has not made amends to change to become a better person. It takes away the very core essence of what saying "I am sorry" ... is all about.
"I am sorry that I hurt you ... but it was not really my fault", is almost synonymous with "I am sorry this thing happened ... but you made me do it." This was a toxic apology in the highest order ... because the accusing finger was directed at the victim and this shifted responsibility and the blame to him.
A genuine apology involves deep regrets, sincere self-reproach, owning responsibility and commitment to change.
Beware of this type of people around you. They can make you bleed with guilt ... while they gleefully wash their hands in search of the next victim.
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