An Avalanche of Entitlement Inquiries

 

We are being deluged with questions about ENTITLEMENT. One way or another we were able to reach a lot of people and because of their thirst to ask questions makes me believe that a lot of our readers can relate to it.

1. Why do ENTITLED people feel the way they do?

This early I just want to point out that understanding human behavior is not an easy task.  It is so complex that sometimes it drives you nuts if you extend another mile to understand them. Entitled people want everything given to them for free - as if it is their birthright, an endowment of sorts. Their unreasonable expectations can be traced to some deeply rooted anxiety and self-doubt. Why do entitled people behave like they do? It is a narcissistic trait that's why? Why they think the world revolves around them is an enigma ... but considering them egocentric whose lexicon is limited to I, me, and myself - no wonder their views about the world focus only on themselves and their entrenched and firmly-fixed insecurities.  It will be an exaggeration if the Philippines is already losing its hold in the West Philippine Sea and narcissists still have ME as their favorite pastime.

2. How do you help ENTITLED people to ease up their behavior?

There are many ways to help them, but helping them will make you more enemies than friends. It is frustrating helping them because their initial response is to send you right away to Timbuktu - a place so far you don't need to invade or peek at their privacy. Try these tips ... and be sure to keep in mind to be careful because it is one hell of a roller-coaster ride.

a. Teach them to be contented. Try to disconnect them from their God-given entitlements - so that they will appreciate their situation more - rather than considering it a curse.

b. Teach them that money does not equal happiness.  I have seen farmers doubling as carabaos when they plow the field ... but you see them smile and happy.  And I know for a fact that the richest people are the most unhappy. Well, not all, but material stuff is not a guarantee to give you eternal bliss.

c. Teach them we are better off than our ancestors where before people use to walk on foot... or riding camels. With the advancement of technology ... everything is placed on a silver platter.

d. Teach them to count their blessings and not focus on what they don't have.

e. Teach them everybody needs money ... not only them. And everybody works with his family as a priority every payday ... and you are not his immediate family. If they don't have anything to spare ... who gives you the license to badmouth them.

e. avoid false entitlement - this usually comes as an offshoot when parents give their children what they want without breaking a sweat to earn it. The child creates the fantasy that he was brought into this world to be served. That's really how strange the mind works (the parents only do what they can to make them happy) instead the child has conditioned his mind that good life is forever and his family is immune to whatever economic reversal other families are experiencing. And when things didn't go as planned ... you can expect major temper tantrums and meltdowns.

Some Questions About Entitlement

Several friends and followers after reading our post on ENTITLEMENT have these questions.

1. Is being entitled bad?

It is bad ... if your question meant the effects of entitlement on the person and the people around him. A person having high expectations all the time can always end up with some kind of displeasure ,,,, when his hopes and wishes were not fulfilled. They think they are superior compared to ordinary mortals. They are overly concerned about prestige and power and lack empathy for others. They tend to think highly of themselves and overestimated their abilities. A person who newly knew him thinks they are arrogant, opinionated, and conceited. A person that is ENTITLED can also have a strained and unhealthy relationship with family, wife, and friends because he often has a high or double standard for others. An example is ... he abhors and treats gay people with disgust when he almost has one such relationship before.

2. Is being ENTITLED a mental illness?

A person with a high sense of ENTITLEMENT is a self-absorbed person who is only concerned about I, me, mine, we, and us. They don't think much about how others feel ... or empathize about how he thinks about others. He doesn't care about the impact of what he is doing because is overwhelmed with his obsession and preoccupation with himself. An extreme sense of entitlement may be part and parcel of certain personality disorders like NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or APD (anti-social personality disorder). An example is ... a person who has a high-paying job ... can't make his full potential because he is more into free-loading as he expects his parents or siblings to give him a free pass to all his needs. Their motto is: "My money is my money ... and your money is mine..."

3. When does SELF-ABSORPTION show his ugly head?

Self-centered people are not only selfish but also egotistical. They have a skewed view of the value of other people's worth because they are more preoccupied with their own interests that listening to others is nil to none. They think they deserve better than what he has right now. They keep people around them in a negative mental rut as they are unable to see another person's perspective. They frown at others' opinions and suggestions and always make a mountain ... out of a molehill. Example: Can you imagine the question "Where are we going to eat today ... " can make an ENTITLED person go ballistic if somebody suggested a place he doesn't like. They are always calling the shot - (be in charge, be in control, be in command, be the boss,  be at the helm and they always run the show).

Knowing The Self-Entitled People in Our Midst

People with ENTITLEMENT COMPLEX have this belief that rules that are supposed to be applicable to all ... can be bent  ... to accommodate them or for their benefit. They expect preferential treatment, access rights, benefits  and privileges that is only accorded to the chosen few. Some of them don't even realize they are their hometown's poster boy for toxicity and negativity. They have deluded themselves that they always on the right and the sane side of things. They didn't realize that some of what they do are bordering on the bizarre ... critics can always jump to conclusions they are just a stone-throw away from the cuckoo's bin. 

Here are some tips for knowing people who have placed themselves on a pedestal, who think of themselves as the chosen few ... the untouchables ... and to put it more bluntly - people who thought they are always above the law.

1.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you are expecting you can also use the parking areas that are clearly marked for use of people with disabilities.

2. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think traffic officers will be lenient to you when you are overspeeding or you insist on double parking.

3. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think security guards will give you a pass for using the VIP lounge in airports and terminals.

4. You are SELF-ENTITLED if  you expect your parents will give you preferential treatment in rules about curfews at home.

5. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you think your siblings will allow you to use his car because it is your birthday.

6.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you thought nobody will critique you for wearing a provocative dress inside the church.

7.  You are SELF-ENTITLED when you make it a habit of keeping towels and utensils in hotels just because you want it as souvenirs.

8. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you hope for the maitre d to give you the best seat in a Las Vegas show.

9.  You are SELF-ENTITLED if you assumed you can borrow money from anybody and never pay it back.

10. You are SELF-ENTITLED when your mom gives you money to buy Chickenjoy you opted to buy Chicken McNuggets instead because that's what you like.

11. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you expect your parents to support you until their dying day

12. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you presume you can just bad-mouth anybody and call them names just because you hate them.

13. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you always ask for small favors from others and you can't return back the favors because you think it's not your obligation.

14. You are SELF-ENTITLED if you don't show gratitude, respect, thanks, appreciation, or indebtedness to people who have helped you one way or the other.

15, You are SELF-ENTITLED that your parent's wish is to make you the best of what you choose to be ... instead, you retrogressed into someone so stubborn, irresponsible, and self-destructing.

Self-destructive behavior is when you do something that is sure to cause self-harm. After your problem is solved you are expected to change and never go back to your old ways. But some people never learn their lessons.  Instead of moving forward ... they step backward by going into drugs, binge eating, and compulsive activities like gambling, gaming, or shopping that will aggravate further their situation.

Abraham's One Liner

 

We are riding high on our ENTITLEMENT discussion.  Here is another eye-opener.

 Putting yourself FIRST is not SELFISH.

 Thinking about yourself CONSTANTLY is SELFISH.

 To all people with ENTITLEMENT COMPLEX please know the DIFFERENCE.

Caption That

                      O ... lettuce na lang at mayonnaise ang kulang

How Can You Tell You Have Entitlement Issues

To self-entitled people who expect help every time they have a dysfunction ... remember this always: "The lack of PLANNING on your part does not constitute an EMERGENCY on my part." So don't expect that I will always drop what I am doing just because you needed help.  

I still remember a friend in America whose caring for a son with tuberculosis. The son never told his mom about his diagnosis and he allowed his mother to be exposed to dangerous microbes. Being SELF-ENTITLED was that right for him not to disclose the reason why he was ill? You need the help all right but common sense dictates you need to come clean so your mother can at least don proper PPE (personal protective equipment) before taking care of you.

Indeed self-entitled person expects all the time ... societal rules can be bent ... to fit into what they believe in. For instance, a SELF-ENTITLED person can be very critical about people stealing money from their friends, colleagues, siblings, and parents ... but what do you know ... she is also into the same shenanigans.

They are always vocal about how a family should help each other in times of problems ... but lo and behold ... they are the very reason ... why they are in such a big mess.  They create the situation they are in ... and they blame others for being responsible for it. They never see themselves in the equation ... and they always see themselves as victims.  They have never seen what they are doing are self-inflicted injuries or deliberate self-harm, but they do it anyway ... and blame others for it.

They also don't believe their behaviors are toxic and are considered poison ... which is enough to ruin any relationship.

They still consider their behavior normal ... and they think they are always right. They are clueless as to how people close to them distance themselves and avoid any communication, They console themselves by saying: "It is your loss ... not mine" 

Holy Toledo... I just can't believe they forgot to ask themselves "What is wrong with me ... why do people steer clear of me? Indeed ... staying away from them and hiding in their shells is a welcome treat ... for how can you survive people whose main source of survival is making intrigues, antipathy, and spreading malicious gossip.

They also have a crab mentality. If the last problem they have now is pulling them down big time ... they will find ways and means of bringing you down in the same gutter. Their motto is "Misery loves company" and they take comfort in knowing they are not alone ... because they have managed to pull you in the dump where they belong.

And what kind of help do they need? Any help that concerns himself or his immediate family - that kind of help. Any help coming from them being extended to others ... are few and far between.  They get frustrated when their needs are thwarted ... and it becomes a big deal because these people can resort to name-calling and blackmailing...  and others will resort to rubbing any small help they have given you before. And what is worst is "sila ang nangangailan ng tulong ... sila pa ang may ganang magalit."

Self-ENTITLED people do not believe in "utang na loob." You may help them in their problem but they are not indebted to you. They don't owe you anything ... and gratitude for the service rendered is not in their vocabulary. They don't even say thank you because they believed you are helping them because it is your responsibility. How morbid.

Famous people react to self-entitled people and here are some of what they say:

-Mindy Raling - "ENTITLEMENT is simply a belief that you deserve something.  Which is great. The hard part is, you better make sure ... you deserved it."

-Quote Master - "ENTITLEMENT is not a right.  People are not born with a claim on the property of others. Do you disagree? Tell me how much I earn belongs to you and WHY?

-Marian Wright Edelman - "Don't feel ENTITLED to anything you didn't sweat or struggle for."

-Unknown - Self-ENTITLED people have no boundaries. They feel ENTITLED to say whatever they feel and litter their opinions regardless if they are rude, hurtful, or not true at all.  They will get angry when you defend yourself and blame you for causing drama."

-Dr. Steve Maraboli- A sense of ENTITLEMENT is a cancerous thought process that is void of gratitude and can be deadly to any relationship."

-Steven Aitchison - Successful people have a sense of gratitude.

Unsuccessful people have ENTITLEMENT."

-Onlyanurse.com - "A sense of ENTITLEMENT always guarantee you a seat at the victim's table."

-Robert Evans  - "When somebody shows up with an attitude of ENTITLEMENT ... understand that under it is a boat-load  of anxiety."

-Steven Furtick - "Gratitude begins where my sense of ENTITLEMENT ends."

-Unknown - "ENTITLEMENT is a delusion built on self-centeredness and laziness."

The Psychology of Entitlement Complex

 What is entitlement mentality means?  One vivid example of a person with an entitlement attitude is someone who seems to act like the world owed them something in exchange for nothing. They are those people who have an insatiable appetite to ask for favors, and if they ask for something they better be good.

Entitlement complex is a person's belief that he or she deserves special treatment or special rights, advantages, or immunities. They feel the need for recognition for things they did not earn or sweat. Some people think they are spoiled brats ... children who think their parent's money is their money and they have the right to get the money or steal it ... and when caught in the act ... they told you ... 'it is our money".

A person with an entitlement mentality ... when things did not go in their direction ... often takes a swing at anybody when thwarted and the way they lashed out gives you the impression you are dealing with a diva ... of a prima donnish character.

Funny how these people think and operate.  They believe all attention should be on them ... when they can't even give an iota of attention to others, let alone the attention they should give to themselves.  They believe all money should be spent on their needs, and not for a single moment have they thought ... the person supporting them have their needs too. 

Psychologist believes that the sense of entitlement is carry-over behavior that can be traced to the child's psychosexual development. They believed adults who are self-entitled are spoiled children and may have a faulty oral stage.

All parents shower their children with everything this life can offer because they want them pleased and gratified. This is normal but it has also its downside. When parents become a pawn and always give in ... and cave into their children's wishes ... the child imbibe and develop that feeling of self-entitlement.

Other reasons why a person is self-entitled are children who experienced childhood traumas where he is maltreated, abandoned, or ignored. A child who experiences care deprivation develops a self-entitled attitude using the defense mechanism of compensation to cover up his past. Because he was deprived of love, he demands it from anybody because they didn't receive it at a young age.

So it is not uncommon to see unprepared people embarking on serious stuff like marriage and they have no inkling what to expect especially the financial aspect that goes with it when they have their own children.  Self-entitled brats expect their parents to pick up the tab ... but the 24 dollars question they should answer is ... UNTIL WHEN?