The Fugitive's Sermon

In a plot twist that sounds like it was written by a comedian undergoing a midlife crisis, former Presidential Spokesperson, certified TikTok dancer, and currently hiding-in-plain-sight lawyer Harry Roque has re-emerged from the digital shadows.

While the Iglesia Ni Cristo (INC) was busy turning the EDSA Ortigas flyover into a massive, unauthorized parking lot to defend a politician facing a 75 million pesos plunder case, Harry looked at the sea of uniform polo shirts and had a profound spiritual awakening.

He didn’t ask about the plunder. He didn’t ask about the traffic.

Instead, he shook his fist at the heavens and yelled a question that echoed across social media: “Catholic Church, where are you in the people’s fight against evil?!”

He then delivered the ultimate theological threat: “Your ranks will wither, and the ranks of the INC will balloon!”

Let us marvel at the sheer, unadulterated comedy of Harry Roque lecturing the Catholic Church on morality.

According to the Gospel of Harry, "fighting evil" does not mean standing up for human rights, feeding the poor, or demanding accountability from public officials.

No, true righteousness is apparently achieved by standing on EDSA on a Tuesday morning to make sure a senator who confessed to taking millions of pesos from private individuals doesn't have to go to jail.

If the Catholic Church isn't joining a flash mob to protect a non-bailable plunder defendant, Harry considers them spiritually bankrupt.

Unfortunately for Harry, the internet does not suffer from short-term memory loss. Netizens immediately unleashed a tidal wave of reality checks that sent his sermon straight to the digital garbage bin:

-The "Not an Appendage" Doctrine: Netizens quickly reminded Harry that Catholics do not operate on a hive-mind system. As one comment noted: "Catholics move by choice, not by the command of a church leader. We aren't yes-men. Does the INC not have its own brains that their leaders have to decide everything for them?"

-The Litmus Test for Rallies: Other netizens pointed out that the Catholic Church actually does go to EDSA—but usually for minor things like toppling dictatorships or fighting systemic oppression, not acting as a corporate legal defense team for a politician's questionable campaign donations.

The Church tends to reserve its presence for leaders who are honest, trustworthy, and not currently being investigated by the Ombudsman.

The Legal Standing of the Preacher: But the absolute gold-medal internet clapbacks targeted Harry's current "residential status."

"How can we believe a word you say when you are literally a fugitive? Roque, come home first before you tell us to go to EDSA!"

It is beautifully ironic. A man who spent years defending the drug war and is currently evading legislative hearings is standing on a virtual soapbox, telling millions of Catholics that their souls are in danger because they refuse to join a traffic-stopping protest for Rodante Marcoleta.

Don't worry, Harry. The Catholic Church has survived Roman emperors, the Spanish Inquisition, and the Protestant Reformation.

It will probably survive your prediction that everyone is going to convert to the INC just because they missed out on blocking the EDSA Carousel busway.

In the meantime, the public has a counter-question for the former spokesperson: "Harry, nasaan KA?" (Harry, where are YOU?)

Because the police and the House of Representatives would really love to know.