The Morning After Blame Game

The Morning After Blame Game

It is 5"58 PM ... the Senate session was adjourned ... and it is time for the senators to go home. That's exactly what Risa Hontiveros, Bam Aquino, Kiko Pangilinan, Ping Lacson, and Tito Sotto did.

According to the internet’s most creative "fact-creators," these five senators didn't just go home after a long day of work on May 13, 2026.

No, they apparently have a crystal ball that allowed them to see that gunshots would ring out at 7:40 PM, and they have to"flee" at 5:58 PM (or else)—that's roughly 102 minutes before the action started.

In the corporate world, leaving at 6:00 PM when the session adjourns is called "efficient time management." In the Senate "DuDirty" Multiverse, they rebrand it as "Prior Knowledge."

-The Logic: If you leave your office when it closes, you are a co-conspirator. If you choose to stay ... you play the victim ... and you were under attack.

-The New Rule: To prove you aren't part of a plot, you must stay in the building until at least midnight, preferably hiding under a desk, just in case a security breach happens.

If you go home to be with your family, you’ve clearly been "tipped off," ... warned ... alerted ... and received advance information—about something that is going to happen.

While the Minority is being roasted for following a clock, let’s look at the "Majority" who stayed behind.

Reports indicate that while the shots were being fired, the Majority was busy enjoying a casual dinner with Jonvic Remulla.

-The Vibe Check: The way they look at pictures, there is nothing that says "imminent security threat". They have a three-course meal and a casual chat with the DILG Secretary.

As Madam Aimee reported on her Facebook: "Oh, they are already drilling in the building, but she looks as calm and as cool as a cucumber while continuing to record the footage."

"If I probably got showered with bullets... I'd dive immediately into the nearest foxhole."

Wize Estabillo wizely said ... "Fires were already shot ... but Sen Aimee managed to look for the right hashtags in her live broadcast. Para trending ... Sayang ang kita sa Meta."

-The Satire: The Majority (the Dudirty senators) didn't "flee" because they enjoyed acting and playing as online vloggers ... turning the scenario into a social media backdrop.

While the Minority was likely stuck in the snail-paced traffic or eating dinner at home, the Majority was "bravely" documenting the chaos for their Facebook Lives.

It’s hard to believe they were "traumatized" when they enjoy checking their ring light and making sure the "shots fired" caption has the right emojis.

The best part of this narrative is how President Bongbong Marcos himself accidentally sabotaged the script of their improvised drama.

By releasing a video statement clarifying that neither the PNP nor the NBI initiated the shooting, he effectively killed the "State-Orchestrated Tip-Off" theory.

-The Dilemma: If the state didn't do it, who "tipped off" the Minority? Did they get a WhatsApp message from a "mysterious external force" that said, "Uwi na kayo ng 6 PM kasi may magaganap na sirkus ng 7:40 PM"?

-The Logical Wall: You cannot claim the opposition is part of a state plot when the head of state is busy saying, "It wasn't us."

The trolls are currently trying to climb a vertical wall of lies, but they keep slipping on the President’s own official statements.

Legally, you need evidence. Logically, you need a motive.

-The Evidence: A timestamp. 5:58 PM.

-The Motive: Hunger? A desire to avoid the traffic and the rush hour?

-The Troll Theory: "They knew!"

-The Satire: This is a "vertical climb up a wall of lies" indeed. To prosecute a narrative based on an "early departure" is to admit that your investigative skills are roughly on par with a toddler playing "I Spy."

The Minority left because the job was done. The Majority stayed because there was a buffet and a chance to be seen on camera.

In the Philippines, the only thing more dangerous than a security breach is a politician who knows how to use "Live" features during a crisis.

If you want to look "innocent," you apparently have to stay in the building until the walls fall down, or at least until you've finished your dessert with Jonvic.

The picture says it all. The Senate was under attack ... (the senate president was almost pleading for people to believe him) ... "but they don't look stressed at all," the netizens are complaining.

They said: "emotions are high," ... but their demeanor does not match the emotion they show.

One word to the wise: for the pictures to be believable ... you have to act like it. When you say emotions are high ... you don't need to smile or find your best angle when you pose for the camera.

Nagkaratratan na nga ... naka-pose pa sila? Ham actors ... flawed script ... or bad directing?