Responding To Netizen's Comment: Reasons Why You Tolerate Bad Behavior

Netizen's Comment:  I just love the Choice Cut you have taken from Dirty Linen. 

The situation is very NOW.  My question is why are there so many people tolerating bad behavior? Tolerance is okay but excessive tolerance is irresponsible and inept. The lack of boundaries or the lack of willingness to stand for what is right is just plain idiocy. 

Response: As human beings, one of our greatest desires is to be our true selves and be free to be who we are. If that’s taken away from us, then we aren’t being true to ourselves and living life on our terms.

The question is .... why do a lot of people tolerate bad behavior? There are a lot of obvious reasons.

1. They have been inoculated with bad behaviors and they have witnessed a lot of them ... making them immune.  This immunity is a double-edged sword because people are confused about how to react ... will they tolerate ... or just shrug it off like nothing has happened. So it is not uncommon to hear comments like, "Oh that's what these personnel are ... ignore what they say and don't take it personally."

2. Filipinos are not assertive.  They are not self-assured and strong-willed to voice an opinion. Putting up with somebody or keeping mum about a bad experience is just as bad as someone trampling on the rights of others. This lack of self-confidence and assertiveness of customers (in contrast with this facility personnel who can speak what's on their minds) perpetuates the abuser-abusee syndrome ... if the customer chooses to retreat back to his cocoon and licks his wounds.

3. People want to keep it safe ... the lesser they talk the better. This is being brought about by fear of retribution or fear of being retaliated. In the workplace, some people fear being fired if they decided to speak negatively against their bosses. In the situation, we have ...  if the customer fear they will be told, "If you don't like the way we handle things here ... you are free to go ... Go find another place." Where does that leave you ... coward!

4. The Filipino concept of hiya is at play here ... often translated as shame or embarrassment. Nang dahil sa hiya, some people would rather curl up than fight ... or face the consequences head-on. That is why hiya ( is met with ambivalent and negative interpretations) - makes one spineless and fainthearted ...  and turns them into marshmallows when the going gets tough.

5.  Their hearts are jaded ... and they don't believe for a minute something good will come out of it even if they come out in the open. They consider themselves a small fry and no matter how explosive their story ... everything is an exercise in futility and there ... will be NO impact ... or it will not make a difference.

6.  They were not taught as a child that it is okay to stand up for yourself and talk with authority figures (parents, boss, or police) that something is not quite right. They were not taught to say NO ... when they feel they are being manipulated or violated and suppressed. They haven't learned how to trust their own instincts ... and act on them.

7. They don't have any suspicion or hunch that the experience they went through is unacceptable and inappropriate ... or if they have ... they just don't have enough resolve to act or say or do something to relieve their hurt.

8.  They need to find out if there are outside resources who can help them like a priest, a powerful lawyer, or maybe ask help from professionals. They have to learn to get out of their shell and be brave to vent ... and get out of the vacuum that has been their lifestyle and their personal culture.

9. Some people don't realize their self-worth ... that everybody is valuable and important.  Unless the person doesn't realize their value, skills, and talent they will never experience the confidence in believing to fight for the causes they cared about or issues that were left hanging in the air. 

SHUT UP ... or OPEN UP ... the choice is yours.  If you choose not to do anything ... don't complain. You don't even need my pity. You deserve the award of being the DOORMAT OF THE YEAR! Congratulations!