Satire: Paolo Marcoleta: An Orange In The Bag Of Apples

 

Paolo Marcoleta is indefatigable. He is a congressman who is untiring, relentless, and inexhaustibly energetic, often in pursuit of a goal. 

 He is not a member of the Justice Committee, and history has shown that he was denied this:

• Denied to ask Clarification Questions: Committee Chair Gerville Luistro denied his requests to ask direct clarification questions to resource persons (such as those from the AMLC), stating that, because he is not a member of the Justice Committee, his input was limited to manifestations.
• Restricted to Making Manifestations Only: Luistro maintained that Marcoleta's participation was limited to making manifestations (statements of opinion) rather than active questioning or interpellating witnesses.
• Denied or Stricken Motions: Reports indicate that, as a non-member, he was generally not authorized to introduce motions. In at least one instance, his attempt to raise a point of order/motion regarding an audience member (Kiko Dee) was contested, and he was reminded he was not a member, while another motion to strike his comments from the record was approved

Despite all these limitations ... Marcoleta continued to be present and make a  100% attendance ... even showing up earlier than other bona fide members.

He participates by making several manifestations and statements regarding the proceedings, and he works with tireless persistence without admitting defeat.

I guess, he must be a Barangay Ginebra fan whose motto was never say die - when the going gets tough ... the tough gets going.

He was resilience-personified, where "shame" is a foreign concept and "unanimous defeat" is just a suggestion to try harder.

When one of his manifestations was stricken out of the record ... he was dauntless and fearless when he said: E di wala nang matira diyan. And the whole gallery had a muffled laugh.

If there were an Olympic sport for staying in a room where absolutely nobody wants you, Representative Paolo Marcoleta would be the undisputed Gold Medalist. 

Watching him navigate the House Committee on Justice is like watching someone try to sell a subscription to The Flat Earth Gazette at a NASA convention.

Yesterday, the Justice Committee reached a decision with a vote of 53-0. In the world of normal human interaction, a 53-0 score is a sign to pack your bags, go home, and perhaps consider a career in underwater basket weaving.

But not for Marcoleta. To him, 53-0 isn't a defeat; it’s just a very lopsided conversation. 

He stands there with the audacity of a man who thinks he’s the only one in the room who knows the secret password, while everyone else is wondering why the "orange" is trying so hard to convince the apples that they’re actually citrus.

His latest act of cinematic genius was accusing the NBI of providing "spliced" videos. This was a bold move. 

It forced the entire committee to stop and demand a dictionary definition of the word "splice," just so they could figuratively—and perhaps literally—hit him over the head with it.

It’s the ultimate Marcoleta move:

• The Experts: "Here is the evidence, verified and authenticated."

• Marcoleta: "It’s a splice! I can tell by the pixels and the way the air moves!"

• The Committee: "Paolo, that’s not how science works."

• Marcoleta: "I refuse to be silenced by your 'facts' and 'logic'!"

Then came the moment with Congresswoman Janette Garin. In a desperate attempt at human connection, Marcoleta tried to make "bola", calling her his Ninang (Godmother) and offering his thanks.

The Result? A cold, clinical "dedma" (ignore) that was so icy it could have preserved Keiko, the orca.

Congresswoman Garin clearly has the survival instincts of a veteran. She knows that being outed as the godmother of the House’s most "pasaway" (naughty) congressman is the political equivalent of admitting you’re the one who let the raccoons into the buffet. 

She treated his gratitude like a spam email from a Nigerian Prince—straight to the trash folder.

Let’s not forget his attempt to be a "Secret Agent" by leaning in to whisper to Ramil Madriaga. 

Before he could even get a word out, the NBI whisked Ramil away, leaving Marcoleta standing there, leaning into thin air, looking like a man who just tried to tell a secret to a ghost that had better things to do.

There is a specific kind of loneliness in being a politician who is so "special" that the security guards treat your presence like a biohazard.

To top off his performance, Marcoleta addressed the threats against the President by basically saying, "Why are we worried? He’s still alive! Look at him, he’s just doing jumping jacks!"

It’s a revolutionary approach to national security: The Jumping Jack Metric. * If the President can do a calisthenic move, the threat is zero to nil.

If the President is still breathing, the assassination plot is just a "fitness exercise."

By this logic, as long as the First Family has a gym membership, we don't need the PSG.

Is he doing it to score points? Is he fighting for the Duterte legacy like a loyal squire? 

Or is he just trying to show he’s "different" from the rest of the congressmen, and he is the welcome addition to the growing and mushrooming Barzaga or Leviste caricatures in the House?

The truth is, Paolo Marcoleta is in a category of his own. He is the man who walks into a 53-0 buzzsaw and asks the buzzsaw if it’s been "spliced." 

He is the congressman who thanks a Ninang who won’t even look him in the eye. He is, quite literally, the Immortal Object of the House of Representatives.

You can take the man out of the Duterte camp, but you can’t take the "Alternative Reality" out of the man. 

If persistence were a virtue, he’d be a saint. But since this is a legal hearing, he’s just the guy the rest of the committee is trying to "ligpit" (tidy up) before the next round of Jumping Jacks begins.