Senator Marcoleta and His Quest to Straighten The Crooked World

In a revelation that has shaken the foundations of Philippine governance to their very crooked roots, Senator Rodante Marcoleta has confessed a burden so heavy, so exhausting, that it practically disqualifies him from higher office. 

When asked if he intended to run as Vice President Sara Duterte's running mate in 2028, the Senator did not simply say "no." 

He issued a distress call from the frontlines of reality itself.

"Napakarami kong itutuwid ngayon," he declared. (I have so many things to straighten out now.)

This is not merely a policy statement. This is a cosmological crisis. 

According to Senator Marcoleta, the Philippines is not just suffering from corruption or inefficiency; it is suffering from a severe lack of vertical alignment. The world is bent, and he is the only man with a plumb line.

*****The Atlas Complex

Consider the sheer logistics of this mission. 

The Senator is not merely legislating; he is engaged in a one-man campaign of geometric correction. 

While other senators are busy passing laws or approving budgets, Marcoleta is reportedly running around Manila with a giant ruler, smacking crooked thoughts back into straight lines.

"Hirap na hirap ako eh," he admitted. (I'm having a very hard time.)

One can only imagine the physical toll. To "straighten out" the mistakes of the Senate, the Supreme Court, and various public institutions implies that every other branch of government is operating at a 45-degree angle of error. 

It paints a picture of a nation careening toward chaos, held back from total structural collapse only by the sheer willpower of one man from Partylist Ating Koop.

If the Senator is this tired now, one wonders how he managed to sit through committee hearings without collapsing from the weight of all the "wrongness" in the room.

***** The Hit List of the Bent

In a move that has surely sent shivers down the spines of the capital's elite, Senator Marcoleta released a partial inventory of the things requiring his immediate straightening iron. 

It reads less like a political agenda and more like a teacher's grade book after a particularly disastrous midterm exam.

-Justice Carpio: Bent. Needs straightening.

-Senator Ping (Lacson): Bent. Needs straightening.

-Commissioner Tarriela: Bent. Needs straightening.

-Executive Secretary Batongbacal: Bent. Needs straightening.

-Senator Tol (Tulfo): Partially bent. Needs partial straightening.

And we still have to mention Risa Hontiveros, Bam Aquino, Sonny Trillanes, Tito Sotto, and Kiko Pangilinan waiting in the sidelines.

The implication is staggering. These are men who have spent decades in law, enforcement, and governance. 

Yet, according to the Senator, they are all walking around spreading "mali" (wrongness) like confetti. 

It suggests that the Senator possesses a unique form of moral vision, a kind of "True Sight" that allows him to detect deviations in truth that escape the common eye.

One has to ask: Did these mistakes happen on his watch? If the Senate is full of errors requiring correction, isn't he part of the Senate? 

Or is he like a plumber who claims the pipes were already broken when he arrived, despite having lived in the house for years?

***** The 2028 Non-Denial Denial

The context of this confession is crucial. He was asked about the Vice Presidency. 

His response? "I'm too busy fixing everyone else to lead everyone else."

It is the ultimate political humblebrag. It says: "I am not running for Vice President because I am too busy doing the Vice President's job, plus the Supreme Court's job, plus the Senate's job, plus the job of every public official who ever made a mistake."

He forgot to include his lawyering job for the Discayas ... and being the protector of the Chinese embassy.

By claiming he is too preoccupied with correcting the errors of Justices and Senators, he subtly positions himself as the only competent adult in the room. 

Why vote for him in 2028 when he is already doing everyone's job for free in 2024? 

It's a brilliant strategy. If he wins, he can say he reluctantly accepted the burden. 

If he loses, he can say he was too busy saving the nation from itself to campaign.

***** The Danger of a Straight World

However, citizens should be wary of what happens if Senator Marcoleta succeeds. If he manages to "ituwid lahat ang mga mali" (straighten out all the wrongs), what will be left?

A world without errors is a world without flexibility. 

If Justice Carpio is straightened, will he still be able to turn his head? 

If Senator Ping is straightened, will he lose his characteristic squint? 

There is a risk that in his quest for perfect alignment, the Senator might straighten the country right into a rigid stick, devoid of the beautiful, chaotic curvature that makes Philippine politics so... lively.

***** A Hero's Exhaustion

For now, we must respect the Senator's exhaustion. "Dito ngayon ako abalang-abala," he said. (I am very busy right here.)

He is not interested in the Vice Presidency. He is not interested in power grabs. 

He is too busy wielding the metaphysical broom of truth, sweeping up the dust of errors left by Justices and Senators alike.

So, let us wish him luck. He has a tall order. He plans to fix the Senate, the Court, and the Executive branch single-handedly.

And he thinks that is hard? Just wait until he tries to fix the traffic on EDSA.

Until then, the 2028 election remains open. 

Unless, of course, the Senator decides that the ballot boxes themselves are slightly crooked and need to be straightened out too.