How To Differentiate Constructuve Criticism From Bullying

We are living in a world where call-out culture or cancel culture becomes a fad.  It is the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure.  It becomes a way to hold people accountable, a tactic to punish others unjustly, or a mix of both. It becomes a license where one can just freely say something about you and give you feedback, or unsolicited advice, especially on social media.

In an extremely polarized community, the fact of the matter is even giving feedback sounds so euphemistic given how so much verbal discourse here in Misso ends up in a heated free-for-all tug of war where resolutions are nowhere in sight. There are no boundaries and there are no limits and when the discussion becomes personal, we always end up in name-calling, harsh rhetorics, and derogatory insults.  We are in limbo since there are no clear-cut demarcation lines and we are teetering in a precipice where the difference between constructive criticism vis a vis bullying becomes blurred and fuzzy.

Let us call a spade a spade. If somebody is telling you you’re doing something wrong and could improve in some way, it is quite unsettling especially if the receiver is not prepared for it. Her frail ego is not ready even for a tame critique and surely she will feel she is being singled out.  But there are means and ways that show the difference between getting constructive criticism from someone, and being bullied. And this is what we need to find out.

First, we have to define the two. Constructive criticism is providing feedback in a manner that acknowledges both the positives and where there is room for improvement instead of solely focusing on the negatives. It is a tool that helps to improve and promote further development or advancement. Whereas bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power through repeated verbal tirades that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm.

To further show the difference these are the things that we need to consider.

1. Choice of words and your language usage. We should choose our words carefully to convey a particular meaning and nuance in our work and to influence the desired change. Constructive criticism should at least include some words of encouragement, optimism, and support. Bullying on the other hand focus on giving humiliating and cheapening exchange that concentrate more on the receiver's shortcomings and vulnerability.

2. Reading between the lines - When Coco lambasted Catriona as fat, it caught the ire of the netizens.  The words “weight” and “unhealthy weight” were rated as the most preferable terminology for doctors to use when discussing excess weight, and “morbidly obese,” “fat” and “obese” were rated as the most stigmatizing and blaming.

3. Tone, inflection, and timber- Tone can be modulated and processed well when giving feedback verbally in person. And the same restraint can't be said to the person behind Facebook or Instagram or in a comments section of Missosology. But tone can set the tune to differentiate helpful and friendly assessment and observations vis a vis all-out bullying. Being civil and genteel is one means to thwart our susceptibility going into the bullying territory.

4. Denotations and Connotations - Denotations are the actual definition of the word while connotation is the feeling invoked by the word. In Coco's situation, fat and weighty have the same denotation.   Weight' brings out positive feelings, but fat brings out feelings that are just a little bit condescending.  In the same way, if you described somebody as mentally challenged your reader gets one feeling, but if you use a loaded word like 'crippled,' the reader has a much harsher reaction.

5. Frequency and Repetition -  Constructive criticism are usually done as a one-time, big-time thingy, But in bullying, it is repetitive, uninterrupted, and relentless. When you get your point across you don't have to beat a dying dog until he is gasping for his last breath. Don't dwell and you have to move on. Stick on discussing things that need improvement and the exchange could end up as refreshing and motivating.

6. Loaded words and allusions -Loaded language (also known as emotive language) is rhetoric used to influence an audience by using words and phrases with strong connotations, to invoke an emotional response. The loaded statement as in the case of Coco saying that "Catriona is fat and Clara Sosa is fit" contains a hidden trap and it was envisioned to create a flurry of the emotional pyrotechnic display in the consciousness of the readers.  The booby trap succeeded as it created a wild emotional response worldwide but it backfired and devalue whatever stride Coco is making in her resume as a beauty queen.