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How To Differentiate Constructuve Criticism From Bullying

We are living in a world where call-out culture or cancel culture becomes a fad.  It is the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure.  It becomes a way to hold people accountable, a tactic to punish others unjustly, or a mix of both. It becomes a license where one can just freely say something about you and give you feedback, or unsolicited advice, especially on social media.

In an extremely polarized community, the fact of the matter is even giving feedback sounds so euphemistic given how so much verbal discourse here in Misso ends up in a heated free-for-all tug of war where resolutions are nowhere in sight. There are no boundaries and there are no limits and when the discussion becomes personal, we always end up in name-calling, harsh rhetorics, and derogatory insults.  We are in limbo since there are no clear-cut demarcation lines and we are teetering in a precipice where the difference between constructive criticism vis a vis bullying becomes blurred and fuzzy.

Let us call a spade a spade. If somebody is telling you you’re doing something wrong and could improve in some way, it is quite unsettling especially if the receiver is not prepared for it. Her frail ego is not ready even for a tame critique and surely she will feel she is being singled out.  But there are means and ways that show the difference between getting constructive criticism from someone, and being bullied. And this is what we need to find out.

First, we have to define the two. Constructive criticism is providing feedback in a manner that acknowledges both the positives and where there is room for improvement instead of solely focusing on the negatives. It is a tool that helps to improve and promote further development or advancement. Whereas bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power through repeated verbal tirades that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm.

To further show the difference these are the things that we need to consider.

1. Choice of words and your language usage. We should choose our words carefully to convey a particular meaning and nuance in our work and to influence the desired change. Constructive criticism should at least include some words of encouragement, optimism, and support. Bullying on the other hand focus on giving humiliating and cheapening exchange that concentrate more on the receiver's shortcomings and vulnerability.

2. Reading between the lines - When Coco lambasted Catriona as fat, it caught the ire of the netizens.  The words “weight” and “unhealthy weight” were rated as the most preferable terminology for doctors to use when discussing excess weight, and “morbidly obese,” “fat” and “obese” were rated as the most stigmatizing and blaming.

3. Tone, inflection, and timber- Tone can be modulated and processed well when giving feedback verbally in person. And the same restraint can't be said to the person behind Facebook or Instagram or in a comments section of Missosology. But tone can set the tune to differentiate helpful and friendly assessment and observations vis a vis all-out bullying. Being civil and genteel is one means to thwart our susceptibility going into the bullying territory.

4. Denotations and Connotations - Denotations are the actual definition of the word while connotation is the feeling invoked by the word. In Coco's situation, fat and weighty have the same denotation.   Weight' brings out positive feelings, but fat brings out feelings that are just a little bit condescending.  In the same way, if you described somebody as mentally challenged your reader gets one feeling, but if you use a loaded word like 'crippled,' the reader has a much harsher reaction.

5. Frequency and Repetition -  Constructive criticism are usually done as a one-time, big-time thingy, But in bullying, it is repetitive, uninterrupted, and relentless. When you get your point across you don't have to beat a dying dog until he is gasping for his last breath. Don't dwell and you have to move on. Stick on discussing things that need improvement and the exchange could end up as refreshing and motivating.

6. Loaded words and allusions -Loaded language (also known as emotive language) is rhetoric used to influence an audience by using words and phrases with strong connotations, to invoke an emotional response. The loaded statement as in the case of Coco saying that "Catriona is fat and Clara Sosa is fit" contains a hidden trap and it was envisioned to create a flurry of the emotional pyrotechnic display in the consciousness of the readers.  The booby trap succeeded as it created a wild emotional response worldwide but it backfired and devalue whatever stride Coco is making in her resume as a beauty queen.

Catriona Gray calls for pageants to protect queens' mental health: 'Know the difference and boundary between feedback and outright bashing'

 The Philippine Star has published Catriona's reaction, seemingly an offshoot of Miss USA's Cheslie Kristalleged suicide.  Written by Ayie Licsi, the article was published last February 22, 2022. Here is the link to the write-up:

Full Article:

https://philstarlife.com/self/303872-ca ... kBmfXeNoXo

The 2018 Miss Universe winner paid tribute to the late Miss USA Cheslie Kryst, who struggled with high-functioning depression before her untimely death on Jan. 30.

She highlighted how pageantry currently lives online, which is both a good and bad thing.

"Most of our platforms are now elevated to exist almost solely, if not for the most part, on social media, and it's great. It allows me as a representative to reach out to an audience to have an impact, to have their voices heard. But it also gives millions of people access to an individual," Gray said.

"There are two different sides of pageantry, there's either the really positive side—I feel empowered, I feel confident, I feel like I have a voice, I have a platform. And then there's the other side where I feel pressured, I've been the subject of bullying, shaming, I've been pulled down. I just think it's a really sad thing that it's so polarizing in that way," she continued.

Acknowledging that trolls and naysayers will always exist in the realm of pageantry, the singer called on fans, international organizations, and delegates to do their part in being mindful of mental health.

"If you're a fan of pageantry, please know the difference and the boundary between feedback and outright bashing," the Filipina beauty began. "Derogatory terms, harsh critique and unkind words are better left unsaid."

Gray added that she herself has been a victim of such negative speech online and said it can take a toll when the comments are in the hundreds.

"To organizational bodies and even pageant communities that exist online, please take a stand. Do not tolerate that type of commentary on your platforms. There are certain tools that you can utilize, filtering words or having social media managers that filter out the really below-the-belt, terrible comments. Just make the stand that this is not tolerable in our community," she said.

In addressing her fellow representatives and future delegates, Gray suggested they can reach out to fans of theirs who are actively putting down other contestants—something that she has done in the past.

"I encourage you to privately message them and just take the time to say 'Hey, I really appreciate that you're supporting me but please I hope that you would not use this platform to put down another contestant. Please just lift each other up.'"

Kwentong Jollibee Valentine Series 2022: 600 DAYS

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Sun ... Fun ... Tan

 

Summer is here ... and what do you see? Crystal blue skies, warm winds, powdery sands, and the scorching heat reaching a record high. Dedicated summer junkies flock to the beach ... cavorting and frolicking under the mighty sun and for what .... to get that much needed tan!

Beach resorts make a merry tingling of dough-ray-me ... the white sands are lined up with naked bodies, and the vibrant nightlife are filled with pregnant laughters amid ear-splitting music and that pesky alcohol ... everybody looked like they are programmed to have a good time.

In the sea, people enjoyed water sports and there's a plethora of activities to choose from: cliff diving, snorkeling, kayaking, wind surfing, banana boat riding, scuba diving, paddle boarding, jet-skiing, parasailing, island hopping and mermaid swimming.

If you want an idle sport you can try body shopping or just sit beside the baywalk and while your time watching the people pass by. This sport is free and you will be treated to a myriad specimen of body contours you can ever imagine. And if you are a good observer chances are you will arrive to this conclusion: Every body tried to outdo each other wearing the trendest swimwears in town irregardless of size, color and body curves.

And while we are at it, summer is also the time for Bikini Summits- a contest for men and women elbowing each other mano a mano so they will come out the penultimate ... the one with the Best Body. Seeing one is just like watching the latest episode of Flesh Avenue.

If you are feeling a little worn out by the heat and the humidity ... you can have the local masseurs gave you a massage al fresco (my gosh Pinoy beaches looked like a one-resort kneading parlor) Or you can look for the nearest dessert and drinks bar and order your favorite Pinoy coolers. The ultimate Pinoy treat is halohalo and the other one is the tried and tested mais con yelo.

Your annual beach visit ... for sure will not be complete without experiencing the nightlife in the beach. Oh it is so much fun. You can join a bar hopping tour where you enjoy discounts on drinks, free entrances to bars (in resort lingo they termed it as "moving party on the go") This activity will also give you the chance meeting new friends and acquaintances you''ll never know can blossom into a lasting relationships.

Lastly ... you are already in the beach so why not a gastronomic treat! You can always feast on crustaceans ... and we mean king crabs, shrimps, fish, squids and lobsters. And in Pinoy beach there's an abundance of this so grab yourself the opportunity of the lifetime.

So are you ready for an exciting beach trip? Whether you are looking for adrenaline-pumping activities or you are just aiming for a relaxing vacation our beaches have something great waiting for you.